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thanks for the notes - both public and private
and please read the comments that I publish
they are terrific and thanks - they should help everyone
gotta run -

Phony High?

Yes, I'm at a minute in life where I'm feeling happy
it doesn't happen often so I have to take the moments when they come
like dh, I call it denial
I know the "other shoe is about to drop"
but I choose to ignore it for the minute

this week, for some reason, I am taking the work-stuff differently
its about "them" not about "me"
it will probably only last for a short time but I'll take it

sometimes it feels like I am a very selfish person
and then again I know that it depends on where one looks
on this, my blog, there is a lot of "i" focus
but Tom is the center of my world
without him, I can't imagine ...
well, you know

I rail against him, but its really my anger against his disease
as much as anything else
sometimes he doesn't do a good job
and sometimes he is mean to me
but sometimes I'm mean to him

Life can be really hard
I'm not as smart as I want to be
but I try to find the best way that I can
and I hope that each of us can do the same

it is my wish that each person who feels a little of this
would write just a few words
to share their own feelings
its difficult
but amazingly
it helps
especially when someone writes back
and I'll do my best
so will your sisters out here

that's it
the title probably isn't right
but that doesn't matter, does it?
if you read this far, send me a comment
even if its just to say yes!
thanks

as always,
sleep well,

tom's wife

Quick Update

Amazingly, Tom has been doing great lately.
Maybe, somehow he knows that I'm near the breaking point with my job and I really can't handle anything with his health right now
I feel blessed/lucky/ or whatever it is

And my heart just breaks for my "sisters" out there who have it much worse
Your husband's ailments - the one's the doctors choose to talk about -- are really tough
I figure the docs talk about those because those are ones that they have studied and learned
all of the analysis that you guys figured out is information they simply don't have
and it doesn't fit into their cookie-cutter pattern
so they can't deal with it

look at the big diabetes organizations
they refuse to talk about the emotional issues associated with diabetes!
I tried so many times to work through them to get support groups going
and they won't even talk with me

its just sad
but maybe one of the bigger symptoms of our country that just will never go away
if you ignore something long enough, you don't have to deal with it

but we know that doesn't really work

just look at what happened in Arizona

I feel so bad for all of the injured and killed
but I also feel bad for the poor sick young man who used his gun
clearly he is in a lot of pain to go to those kinds of extremes

its snowing outside now and it looks peaceful here
I hope to sleep tonight
I wish the same for you

take care of yourselves.

Tom's Wife

Scary Medical "Profession"

Lilly wrote to describe one of her experiences:

...When my husband was going through frequent hospitalizations because of kidney stones (brought about in part by kidney failure: he has had a transplanted kidney now for the last 8 and a half years), it was as if no one in either of the hospitals he went to knew how to handle diabetes. His sugars would be in the 400 to 500s, and instead of giving him insulin immediately, the nurses would respond with: "We have to call the doctor first." They couldn't always immediately get ahold of the doctor, and in the meantime his sugar would get higher. And yes, they often blamed him, saying he was eating candy. In actuality, he was sucking on carb-free hard candies, because of the dry mouth he was experiencing! And also ranting, because the sugar was so high, and he felt he could do nothing about it. The one time he took matters into his own hands and self-injected insulin, his doctor threatened to drop him as his patient. (Maybe that wouldn't have been a bad thing?) At this point, we try to avoid hospitals at all costs

Isn't that sad? that we have to avoid doctors and hospitals completely? She goes on to say that the hospitals have policies that the patient is forbidden to self-administer their insulin. I didn't know this. Its been a long time since Tom has been in the hospital long enough to need that (thank goodness!) and I don't remember if he tried to self-administer when he was in -- hmm. And now Tom has been on a pump for so long, that I don't know what they would do in the hospital. I can't imagine that any of the "medical staff" would know how to operate it. they don't seem to pay people enough money or train them enough to handle people with real illnesses today.

I read something recently that, as a nation, we spend more on caring for people with diabetes even though we spend more on trying to cure cancer. something is wrong with this picture.

by the way, I don't have diabetes, but I don't trust much of my own health care to doctors either. Unless what you have fits exactly with what they have seen before, forget it -- they can't deal. But they will test, and test, and test. Waste of time, energy, fear, and everything else. Personally, I'm done with that. Of course, I'm lucky that I'm pretty healthy.

OK, that's it for me tonight.
hope everyone gets some sleep tonight

Happy New Year
may 2011 be a good year for all of us.....