Wife of a Diabetic 2

My Response to Tigo

2012-02-01T07:50:00.000-05:00

Tigo wrote to DW about falling in love with a diabetic and wondering about her future......

Dear DW

Hello! Thank God I found your blog, you have no idea how I wish I could talk to someone who understands, not only understands but knows exactly how I feel. I have met this amazing handsome guy, he is 34 and I am 28. He is diabetic, diagnosed at the age of 19, applies 4 shots a day. We have been going out for two months but we already feel very connected. At our age we talk about a future together. At first I was really excited at finding someone so special, but when my dad met him, he told me the consequences of being with a diabetic and how this could be inherited to my kids. It has kept me worried, and crying all the time, I wish I could ignore diabetes, but I can't, firstly, I am worried my kids might get it, and secondly, all of the things posted on your blog are shocking, I am reaaaally into him, but my doubts keep coming and coming....I just wanted to tell you how I feel, my relationship is bitter sweet, and I can't imagine what my married life would be...any words of wisdom or hope are helpful...I will pray for you and your significant others..thanks for the opportunity.
.

So here is my response:
My type 1 diabetic husband, Tom, was diagnosed at age 21. Type 1 diabetes is still considered to be NOT an inherited disease while Type 2 is considered to be carried through DNA. But science isn't really clear about the causes of either. So before jumping to any conclusions, I recommend discussing this with him.

Second, it is true that you can not ignore the diabetes but you can face it. On blogs, we write out our frustrations and our fears -- typically we write out the worst case scenarios --because its the best place to put our pain. people who are happy tend to write about it less often -- they don't need to.

In my case, I have been married 25 years and my diabetic husband (who is almost 60) has none of the problems that DW's husband has. True we have had other problems over time -- he went through a period of denial, he is a terrible driver which is compounded by his occasional driving when having a low sugar.

these can be scary events. However, if you choose to continue a relationship with this "amazing, handsome, guy, you are going into it with way more knowledge than any us. Your dad is smart to advise you to be aware.

For what it is worth, my suggestion would be to start talking with your young man and your dad. Discuss what is on these blogs. Read other information -- as much as you can get your hands on. Read Michael Hoskins' blog - he is one my followers -- he is a compliant diabetic who is very understanding. If your young man is non-compliant and/or in denial, then yes, you may want to be very wary. However, if he is aware and takes care of himself, there is no reason you can't have a long happy healthy life with children with him.

Get more educated before making a decision!
Best wishes for getting through a tough time.

Tom's Wife

My Response to batgirlnj

2012-02-01T07:29:00.003-05:00

I wanted to comment on another of DW's blog entries --
this one from batgrlnj who is diabetic and is not certain she quite understands our point of view.

some of her words:
..... you mention being a normal diabetes caregiver for your partners. Even when I was non-compliant my husband never allowed himself to be my 'caregiver'. As long as I am physically functioning and there are no other issues like you have had to deal with, then there is no reason for anyone other than myself to care..for myself. .... however I cannot imagine my husband needing to change even an iota of his lifestyle to take care of ANY of my diabetic needs. If I did not tell you that I was diabetic you would have no idea. ...

Here are my thoughts on this :
I do not consider myself to be my husband's caregiver. I have no idea what medications he takes (I am aware that he takes two different types of insulin - but not what they are nor what dosages) he takes other stuff also -- I guess for cholesterol and something else -- but I don't really know. Additionally, Tom is a type 1 who strictly manages his diet and exercise (he weighs the same as he did in high school and he is about to turn 60 years old). He tries very hard to keep his glucose at around 100. He is terrified of experiencing the side effects that impact people with high sugars over prolonged periods of time.

That being said - from time to time, he experiences coma-inducing lows. If you do not have these -- and your glucose is steady then I applaud you. When we were younger -- probably in our mid-40's -- Tom started having these at 2 am at least once a week. What would your husband do if you suddenly went into diabetic shock at 2 am? I can't believe that he would just sleep through it and do nothing! Of course not. He would get you juice or a tablet or call 911. It is what any human being would do.

The problem is that when it happens once or twice -- its no big deal. But the diabetic's life is difficult. Once their glucose levels get out of whack like that, it is difficult to get back into control. I'm probably not telling you something you don't know. But I wonder how your husband doesn't need to change his lifestyle "one iota". When we went through one period like this -- I didn't sleep a full night for more than a month. believe me, that changed my lifestyle.

Was I angry at Tom? Yes, did I really blame him? I don't know - I recognize how difficult his life is. But its really difficult being on the sidelines -- dealing with the consequences with no input into the activities that affect the outcome. and yes, I got cranky and angry and lashed out.

I think in a nut-shell that may be what is the core of some our laments on these blogs.
We love our spouses, we are willing to help them -- knowing they have a terrible disease
but over time, they make decisions that have consequences that have big impacts on our lives
sometimes the impacts don't last long - one night of sleep
sometimes the impacts lead to years of failing health and increasing care required
and sometimes the impacts are a changed person with emotional outcomes that become abusive to the spouse.

It becomes a very difficult life for some.
These outcomes are difficult to foresee
but they are not the same for everyone.
They are not the only outcome for every diabetic

but if you are one of the people living with one of those diabetics
even for a short period of time
life can be awful!

Support for the spouse - in terms of understanding the pain of (1) being treated poorly when you know the diabetic is suffering also (2) knowing your kids are being affected (3) knowing you married a person you loved -- for better or worse and in sickness and in health...

That's the type of support John and all of us are looking for. We don't need someone to tell us how to give better shots, or encourage spouse when s/he is depressed about having diabetes, or how to tell strangers about his disease. and yet, this is the type of support we often see offered by the main stream organizations. I believe that this is the frustrations you may detect in our posts.

Hopefully this post has given you a different perspective on the subject.

Thank you for contributing to the conversation

Its great to hear from a different perspective

Glucagons

2012-01-29T12:27:00.000-05:00

It is always moving when we read of others' stress when dealing with diabetes
We know we are not alone
we want to tell others they are not alone
we want to show support
In some cases it is heartbreaking...

In reading some of DW's posts this week, the topic of glucagons came up

Paula, who has been married to a diabetic for 40+ years writes:

My best friend at this stage of the game is the glucagon kit. I keep two on hand at all times, carry one in my purse if we are out and about. ...

And, DW responds with her aversion to carrying one.

I think it is an interesting conversation
We don't have one in the house now -- although we have in the past
and have discussed getting it again

Personally, I tried once to give Tom a shot when he was very low
and almost got a black eye for my trouble
when he gets very low, he will swing out to protect himself
maybe one is only supposed to go to the glucogon when he is actually already passed out
but I tried it when he was incoherent, and going back and forth between passed out and raving mad
this was many years ago -- we were both MUCH younger
we have married 25 years now -- so -- much older and know each other better
but I don't like needles much either

Furthermore, if a stranger shows up (a paramedic or even a neighbor) Tom seems to realize -- even if he is in a near-coma -- that he needs to pay attention and let them administer to him
when its me, he doesn't want me near him
so a stranger doesn't get hit -- but I would

so, I am willing to have it in the house again -- but I would probably ask one of my neighbors to come oner and inject him -- if I were at a restaurant -- I would ask a stranger

if he is capable - I would try to pour some type of sugar drink into his mouth.
I would like to hear about other thoughts on this

I really don't like the idea of the glucagon and hope I don't need to learn to use it
I understand DW's perspective on if he is not going to take care of himself, why should she?

I would be very interested to understand more about when Paula needs to use it for her husband.

interesting issues......

Shout Out to Lilly

2012-01-29T12:08:00.006-05:00

Lilly,
you haven't posted lately, just wanted to check in and make sure you are doing ok
Clearly last year was tough
hope 2012 is starting out better

Driving, Posting, Reacting to Abuse

2012-01-22T11:12:00.001-05:00

Thanks for all of your comments.

First, as it regards Tom's driving -- Tom is an aggressive, terrible driver when his sugar is exactly 100.
I almost always insist that he test before I will get in the car with him driving now -- and even before I let him drive by himself if I'm around.
He looks at driving as a race - he needs to beat the other cars - whether to an exit on the expressway, to the stop light, or to his destination.
Last week we had a CONVERSATION. I told him he had to do something about it and I was no longer going to stand by and just let it happen. I was now going to be his very verbal conscience. I pointed out many things that he does while driving that is dangerous and unnecessary. He told me that he thought of me frequently this week while driving to work.
Also when driving together, I am now commenting on dangerous activities and commending safe activities. I have never wanted to take this role But I have found that I must. Otherwise this may get taken out of my hands. He may lose his license and I will have to become his chauffeur. I don't like driving that much and would HATE that. So instead I will become the nag. He will either get better at this or ...... whatever.

Did I tell you that his insurance just went up 30% because of an accident he had last year? the accident had nothing to do with his diabetes -- just bad driving. The higher insurance rate hit him hard. That probably made more of an impact on him than anything else. Money talks to him like nothing else. but because of it, he is more willing to listen to me.

Also, thank you Michael Hoskins for letting me know that the wife of a longtime Type 1 husband posted on the D-Mine website this week. Sometimes I see these things and sometimes I don't Appreciate the heads up.

The recent posts re non-compliant husbands is breaking my heart. The men are getting older and I believe the disease is eating away at part of their brains causing them to lash out at the ones closest to them -- their supporting and loving wives. The wives can only take so much. There was an article in last Sunday's Washington Post Magazine about a woman whose husband suffered major brain damage. Eventually, she divorced him and married a different man, and together they care for the first husband. There has been quite a bit of commentary about this -- some critical saying the woman was acting selfishly others saying she was handling a bad situation gracefully. My point is that there is no absolute right and wrong. Each person has to figure it out on their own. If a husband (or wife) gets to the point where there abusive activity is greater than their non-abusive activity, I believe it is time to consider other options -- no matter how painful that gets.

Tom and I have started talking about this. Now before he gets that way, he wants to talk about it and make plans. I am a very lucky person indeed.

Thank you, other wives, for helping me be aware of the potential future so I can talk to Tom about what may be in store for me.

Husband's Lament

2012-01-17T17:33:00.000-05:00

On one of the major diabetes sites, a husband wrote about how difficult it is to live with a diabetic spouse

I thought his comments were very similar to our own
although they did not display some of the anger we sometimes show -- after all we are writing our own blogs -- we can write without editorial control

It is interesting to me that in all of the years that I have followed the disease -- and in all the times I tried to get someone to listen to me about the difficulties of the spouse -- it is strange that a husband is the first to get a written article published.

I would assume that life is no easier being man or woman married to a person whose blood sugar swings in the manner of a diabetic -- the craziness is simply a symptom of the disease -- but if that man or anyone from any of those organizations bothered to read the blog of Wife of a Diabetic - or any of these other blogs for that matter - they would know that he has lots of company. my gosh! maybe there should be a support program in place! you think?

I, for one, am getting short on sleep lately and need to try to fix that
maybe its the time of year -- but with the cold and the short days
sleep is what I want to do.

take care one and all.......

caught between the ones we love

2012-01-15T11:36:00.000-05:00

I believe you will find this a familiar story

I offered to pick my sister up from the airport when she returned from vacation yesterday
as things worked out, I was out with Tom yesterday afternoon and while texting with her before her plane took off, I mentioned that Tom was with me
She said that if Tom was driving she did not want the ride - she would find another way to get home

Well, Tom is an aggressive driver sometimes and I have to remind him to stop scaring me
usually when I ask he does
but when his sugar is off -- then he drives even worse

so, yes it can be a problem
but I truly don't see it as a big problem

but I'm not sure I"m in a good position to judge
by the way, I find driving with my sister's husband to be more scary than driving with Tom
but that may be because I'm not used to his version of risk-taking

Anyway. I guess I see her point -- she doesn't feel safe and doesn't want to elect to do something not safe
but, my feelings were hurt
i'm feeling very conflicted about it

on the other hand, something came up last night that gave me the opportunity (when we were home and not in the car) when I was able to ask Tom about his driving. would he admit that he needed to get serious about being safer, about being less aggressive, about not scaring me so much. He was truly surprised -- he asked if I had been scared earlier in the day. when I said yes a few times -- he was puzzled. When? Where? He wasn't angry just didn't see anything he had done that could have caused it.

I asked him if he wanted my help figuring out a solution -- he said no -- he would work on it.
so I will let it go for awhile. then I'll bring it up again :)

In the meantime, I need to figure out how to address my feelings about my sister.
maybe I shouldn't be upset with her but I am

any wise words ?

Lucky Me in 2012

2012-01-01T20:39:00.000-05:00

I am counting my blessings
Tom is doing well and the last six months have actually been quite nice
For the first time in many years, I am looking forward to the new year

My heart breaks when I read about others' pain
I wish there were more I could do...
I wish the diabetic had more ability to control his sugar
I wish the spouses were treated better
I wish there were a cure

in the meantime,,,
I hope all of us get rest in the new year.....

Ups and Downs

2011-12-12T19:18:00.002-05:00

I don't understand
Tom got a monitor
I hear it beeping
and I ask -- what does the beep mean?
oh, it says I'm at 74, or 67, or whatever
that's weird -- I thought I just ate
well, I guess something went wrong because your glucose is 74
no it can't be
ok, test it manually
ok, i just did
sometimes he lies and tells me its 174 - i can tell he is lying -- he has "that face"
other times he tells the truth "wow! it really is 74! I don't understand, I just ate...."
either way he sips a bit of juice to bring it up
I am trying so hard to be patient
but really he is unreasonable
some days it works out fine
other days it is just plain scary
after all these years
one would think I would be used to it
I guess its not true that repetition makes it ok
I'll never get used to it

sigh,
and the season goes on....

Quick Post Thanksgiving Comment

2011-11-30T20:07:00.001-05:00

We survived another Turkey Day!
good stuff and bad
frustrating and great!
highs and lows
but we are all still here
and so are our diabetic husbands
and hopefully everyone got a bit of sleep!

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T10:34:00.001-05:00

For the first time that I can ever remember, I am not working this week.
It is fantastic!
I get to be home (or whatever) doing whatever I want and planning dinner all by myself!
It may be the only time I ever get to do this but really it is a gift

We are having a small group on Thursday -- 8 people
for this too I am grateful -- my parents, one sister, and 3 friends.
I am preparing exactly what I want, I have the time to do exactly as I wish
I get to use the china and silver I received at my wedding
can't remember last time that happened!

the house is mine during the day so I get to just do things in my way!
no one correcting me or asking why

BLISS!!!

I'm sorry for others who are not so blessed this year
I am soaking in it because, as I said, this feels like a once in a lifetime chance

In the evenings when he is home, Tom is not taking care of himself
he has the monitor -- but for some reason -- he is not using is properly

last night, I was watching him trying to cut vegetables
he couldn't hold the knife properly and it was scary to watch
but, you know, sometimes all you can do is watch with breath held

I asked about his "sugar number" -- our new code word
after fumbling for several minutes he looked at it and said 40
well, really it couldn't have been 40 because he would have been passed out on the floor
but he sure was low
so I asked him if he was going to have some juice
"ok, in a minute after I finish this"

REALLY?

after you cut your finger off?

I had to leave the room

its so tiring

of course, he finished what he was doing, drank some juice and was just fine
later asking me why I get so upset
he has it all under control :|

so today -- alone again --
I am a happy girl

he can take over when he gets home at night
I think by then I'll be upstairs in bed reading my romance novel.
or something......

I wish everyone could have a few days like mine
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Big Catch-up

2011-11-21T09:32:00.001-05:00

Its funny how I have come to think of the people on this blog as my friends.
I know I have not been writing much lately, but neither have others.
Lilly -- did you ever hear from Sandy?
maybe she got tired of us old people?
I want to know how Lynn Barry's book is doing
we haven't heard from Sugar or Raging in a bit
and there are a couple of anonymous members who frequently comment ---
but maybe its because I'm not writing

Anyway --
here is my update

Tom is doing OK
he has a new monitor, and it helps
but its not perfect and this past weekend we had a bad event that I'm still trying to process

My sister was giving a party and I was helping her
I was preparing a complicated dish on Saturday and things weren't going well
he was off doing his own thing -- which is fine -- but when he got home he started bothering me in the kitchen and just being in the way -- this is unusual behavior for him
I was distracted and just got angry at him -- told him to go away

a bit later I looked up and really looked at him and in a glance could tell his sugar was low
so I asked -- what does the monitor say?
after a hesitation, he said 170
I asked 70 or 170?
he said 170.
I didn't believe him but what can I do?

I requested that he take some juice and go away and leave me alone
(for those who aren't familiar with this scenario -- I wasn't being mean just matter of fact)
He started yelling but I got him out of the kitchen and let him yell in another room
(oh and I broke down and gave him a glass of OJ -- I almost didn't but I just couldn't deal with EMTs or whatever)

so later we went to the party -- in one car -- its only ten minutes away -- he was fine by then
I told him I was upset because he lied to me and that I also get upset when he puts me in the position of having to treat him like a child. (I had taken his car keys away from him -- don't want him killing anyone else when he is so low). it is unfair of him and he gets mean. so he pulls the poor pitiful me routine -- he is sorry but doesn't like it when I treat him like that and he is angry with himself. blah blah blah

Then, the party is full swing - and he says he is tired and going home. he will come back and get me when I call him. what can I say but ok? so he left -- he has never really done that before.

When I called him there was no answer and I assumed he was already asleep
my sister drove me home
he was asleep and didn't wake up when I got home.

Part of me thinks this is all fine -- but part of me has hurt feelings because he was so detached from me and all that occurred.

Sunday he seemed a little more engaged -- more normal -- but Saturday -- it was that detached attitude that was so bothersome to me....

Oh well, another day in the life of a diabetic spouse
nothing else to do but move on
it is what it is
and now on to Thanksgiving...........

Tom's New Monitor

2011-11-13T21:16:00.001-05:00

I may have mentioned that Tom has a new monitor
its not perfect -- he has to "calibrate" often
and we know it is not accurate yet
but its better than nothing

last week -- its showed that he was lower than he really was
it said 57 and we knew he wasn't that low
but he was low
and that was the issue

then today he was low and he kept telling me that the monitor was telling me he was between 95 and 110
I was really busy with lots of other things including my parents, my sister and my niece
but I knew he wasn't that high

a few arguments and glasses of juice later
he was fine

but here is what bothered me

he hid his juice drinking and chocolate eating
why does he need to hide that?
does he think I care?
that he is a bad person because he needs to eat sugar?

I know if I ask he will say he wasn't hiding it
but facts are facts....

I'm Tired - But that is old news

2011-11-10T10:49:00.000-05:00

I spent the last 5 days at a major conference in my industry. It is a very different experience to do that representing just yourself and not a big company. I am exhausted! This morning I am trying to figure out what to do. I know that should be writing follow up letters and grasping to create work from the people I just met. But honestly I'm wondering if it is going to work. and tired -- oh, I just said that.

Fortunately, Tom took care of himself while I was gone. but then again, he always does. he waits until I'm home again to "slip up". But maybe this time he won't. He got a new monitor and he tell me that he is happy with it.

You and I know that we always have to take his words with a touch of salt -- but optimism is my middle name -- so here is hoping.

It appears that our little group has been busy -- not posting much.
Not sure if that's good or not - but it is that time of year!

on one hand, it is easy to get distracted and yet it is also easy to get stressed to the max

I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year
haven't even started thinking about what to buy!

Maybe I'll take a nap today!

A comment

2011-10-21T19:41:00.002-04:00

Michael gave this response to my last post.

No, I don't find this fascinating. I find it difficult to comprehend. We have snippets of an article that are thrown together in a haphazard fashion, and it's not easy to follow what might have been fascinating initially because the full context isn't included. "Thinking something through is the end of reasoning..." Um, what? That completely defies the definition of what reason is -> the thinking, cognition, intellect, and way a rational person understands themselves and thinks about cause and effect, truth and falsehood, and what is good or bad. Overall, the point appears to be: work together, it's a partnership. If that isn't happening, and it can't be communicated, maybe there are some deeper issues going on that need to be addressed... Diabetes aside

Michael, I respect your input - you have a great perspective on diabetes. These are not "snippets of an article thrown together in a haphazard fashion" the only words left out refer to the specific person described.

I'm sorry if you didn't connect with the words - but I did.

you may be correct that there are deeper issues going on than just diabetes -- that happens very frequently

but I still like it!

Profound Words

2011-10-19T20:05:00.000-04:00

Just read an advice column on a totally different topic but it hit me right in the heart.
tell me what you think I replaced the topic with the diabetic topic

"...your husband's behavior is way more egregious. Acting unilaterally in a marriage is the heart of all betrayal. Your comfort, standard of living, quality of life, finances, safety and goals, among other things are all linked now. Your husband imposed his standards on you -- and compromised yours for you -- in every one of these categories when he acted without asking you.

The healthy, productive, forward-looking response to that isn't to suck it up and find a way to like it. Its to explain to your husband that he negated your voice in your own home, to let him know that this is not acceptable, and to say that the conversation isn't over until you have both had your say.

... since he has been .[diabetic].. for all of x months [or years], its possible he hasn't fully processed what it means to share a life. thinking something through marks the end of the reasoning process, it becomes a habit. But that gets the [diabetic] person only halfway through at best.

so point out to your husband that he skipped the part where you and he reconcile your two carefully drawn conclusions and come to a decision you both can embrace. "

do you also find this fascinating????

Machines that keep them Going

2011-10-11T21:38:00.000-04:00

Tom (and I) met with a sales person for a new pump, meter, and monitor last night
I have to say that I'm very impressed with Tom
he has been really doing his research
I shouldn't be surprised -- that is what he does
but in some ways I'm disappointed
why doesn't he share this information with me BEFORE the guy gets here?

anyway, it is very interesting
Tom tells me that the monitors that Sandy described that stay on top of the skin
are not nearly as accurate as the ones that go into the skin
none of them are as accurate as the ones that you stick in your finger
(not sure I understand all of that)
but the technology continues to improve

he is working on figuring out all the pieces
he will get a new monitor right away
he will replace his pump in December when insurance approves it
and he will replace the monitor next year when the company comes out with the
new version that connects the two together.

its sort of confusing
but fortunately he has it all figured out

I asked for some explanations so I could help
but he is not very forthcoming

we will go on
tonight he went low again
but he is acknowledging that I have a better sense of him going low
than he does -- he told the sales guy that
its the first time I have EVER heard him admit that to anyone!

maybe that is progress?????

we shall see

October

2011-10-02T22:16:00.003-04:00

The blogs have been fairly quiet lately
I guess we have all been very busy lately
I know I have been

And, its Fall
my least favorite season of all
there is so much to do and yet not very much to write
its all sort of like busy work -- frustrating as heck!

Tom's doing fine
its a week to week thing

About to attempt to sleep well tonight

Tom's Doing Better

2011-09-23T20:24:00.001-04:00

Well, the update is that Tom is doing much better.
It is clear that the pump was not working properly.
Since he received the new one, I don't think he has gone low

He is also actively pursuing getting his new monitor that synchs with the pump
Of course, it is necessary for me to continue to nag him

I HATE that!
but its better than being in the hospital or police station with him
I guess we have to choose our battles

back to my old saying: I hope everyone gets a good night sleep tonight
its been a long time since Tom has woken me in hte middle of the night
I'm grateful
but for those of you who have a middle of the night low guy
hang in there
things will change

not sure how
but they will change

good night

I Love Comments

2011-09-11T21:15:00.000-04:00

It is very great to receive comments from my on-line friends
Truly you guys get it, even when others don't

Here is Tom's update

Every night since the car incident, he has gone low in the evening
the other night after he recovered, I sat him down and looked him in the eye and said
stop, this is not ok
I am trying to help, not hurt
but he cannot leave me to deal with this like this

his response? "I'm going to the doctor next week"
me: Monday?
Tom: no, Friday, I think
Me: not, ok. it is not ok to go low every night between now and next Friday
you may not live until next Friday. what can you do between now and then?
Tom: I don't know
Me: Is there no one on the face of this earth who can help you?
you can't call your doctor? there is nothing on the internet? no one else who has diabetes who has ideas?
is there something wrong with your pumpt?

Tom: Well,... I have been thinking that the doohicky in my pump may not be working right, maybe I can call them

HUH????

Me: OK, when are you going to call them? I think this is important. and in the meantime, can you use your manual monitor in the meantime?

Tom: Oh, yeah, maybe I can do that. I'll call the company first thing in the morning and see what they say.

Follow up -- he received a new part to his pump by Fed Ex the next day and he has been using the manual monitor in the mean time.
To my knowledge he hasn't gone low since.

HMPH. why does he have to make it more complicated?
oh, I know, we have the answer to that.
but geez, really?
maybe tomorrow I won't worry so much when he is driving home.

GRRR!

2011-09-07T19:47:00.001-04:00

Is it just me? ok, I know its not.

Just about every night since the night Tom had the major failure driving a couple of Friday's ago
He has gone low before dinner -- too low
Tonight he arrived home confused and dazed
he "forgot" to do a few errands, what?
his explanation: he ate a candy bar before he left work and thought that would be enough
on a good day, its an hour drive - today with the weather it was way over an hour
and he is a high-stress driver - by choice

when I asked him what he is going to do to fix things
he said he just didn't know
he was doing everything he knew to do
I said that wasn't good enough
he needed to figure something out
what if he had another accident and lost his ability to drive?
was there no one on earth who could help him?

he finally admitted to me that he has a doc apptment next week
why was that so hard to tell me?

really what is wrong with him?
I mean other than the diabetes?
he doesn't understand that I have to live through this also!

and yet, its weird, I'm worried and angry, but separated
this is his issue not mine
he has to address it
I can't fix it
so I'm in the place of nowhere
I can't fix it, I can't do anything but watch the crisis build
every day another tile is added to the stack
eventually they are all going to fall over
I guess I will have to pick them up
I will have to deal with it then

An Embarrassment of Riches

2011-09-07T02:29:00.001-04:00

Thanks for everyone who commented on my tennis analogy. It seems like many people found it to be somewhat appropriate! Sure is for me.

So now I am on to a new dilemma - One I hesitate to share - because it is about good fortune and I could use some advice. My hesitation is that I recognize that I am lucky to have these choices in this crazy economic world we live in -- but in this one regard, maybe all of my hard work has payed off just a little.

So, here is the deal. A month ago, I left my employer and took early retirement. Its been a blessing. I am so happy to never go to that office again and see those people! I just cannot even share with you the horrible environment in which I worked. While I was part of the Executive Team (smirk) this is a place where everything is combat, no one works together to accomplish anything, each "victory" for the company or for the customer, is actually a lost battle in the eyes of the executive who didn't get his way. (and I do mean it in the male context of the word)

Needless to say, I am happy to be gone!

Now, I am working on my own, planning my own consulting business out of my little home office, figuring out how to make the internet work for me, making phone calls, trying to write meaningful articles, reading stuff about "HOW TO MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS IN A DAY!" and all that stuff. I have put together what I think is a reasonable business plan that will build my business at a reasonable pace and pay me a reasonable amount of money and with any good luck, I won't have to work 10 million hours a week. I am getting some leads and am feeling positive about the possibilities.

Well, I have been asked to apply for a position with a Federal agency that could truly be a once-in-a lifetime opportunity. It is a policy job in my industry and it is highly placed, so I could truly having an impact on US citizens. Its a two year job and the pay is "fine" but not "great". It would be stable and would probably give me extra oomph on my resume -- but also sets my business back another two years.

what do i do? how does one think about opportunities like this when neither answer is wrong and there isn't enough information yet to know the right answer...

any suggestions out there?

I value your feedback.

We are tennis balls

2011-09-02T09:18:00.001-04:00

As I caught up on everyone's latest posts and thought back over my last couple of weeks, all I can think of is that our lives are like tennis balls. Going back and forth across the net -- one minute high in the sky, the next smashing down on the hard surface.

we are at the mercy of the guy holding the racket - he is sometimes in control and sometimes not.
sometimes he hits the ball in the "sweet spot" and everything goes well
other times he hits the ball on the edge of the racket and everything is off kilter

Is he or is not really diabetic?
Are the meds working right or not?
He's been doing so well, ,what went wrong?
You know the story

We finally find a way to relax and enjoy a minute or two
and what happens? we come home to find the same old thing
but maybe worse!

I'm not sure its just that we are physically tired (although we are)
but the emotional/psychic tired part is worse
the weight on our shoulders gets so heavy
and there just is no one to truly take it away

Thanks, Tex for being there = it helped to have a friend

2011-08-27T10:02:00.002-04:00

I was so panicked the other day that I don't think I was coherent
it has been such a busy summer and a good one

the question about Tom's driver's license sounds reasonable
until you realize that he drives - about 150,000 miles a year
between going to work, small errands, and going to visit his mother in another state
believe it or not, the last time he had a total breakdown like this was 5 years ago
he has had more minor ones when I have been in the car and was able to
stop it earlier in the process

ok, maybe that sounds lame
if he were a drinker maybe that wouldn't sound good enough
but imagine how our lives would be impacted if he couldn't drive!
maybe I'm thinking of my life!
and wonder if I would have to start driving him everywhere
i just couldn't do that
and to pay for someone else to drive him?
that would probably bankrupt us

He is supposed to be getting his new monitor very soon
its not a perfect solution but its much better
the monitor, for those of you who don't know,
will test his glucose for him and ring an alarm when it goes low
if he ignores it as its going down - he won't hear or react when it is too low
so the problem always is with us

but it is better.

of course, I am on the watch out for him mood right now
I am a little afraid that he will get depressed after this episode
like he did last time
that means he gets angry
angry at himself means he shows anger at me
we get into this circular pattern of horribleness

I am doing my best to not let that happen
but I'm stressed out also
he did not call his doc (as I asked him to do)
he told me that she would just say (so what did you do about it?)
and then last night he was going low before dinner
and I had to insist that he test
he didn't argue too much - but he wasn't happy with me
(like it was my fault)

sigh

well, I knew the good times couldn't last forever

hopefully this little downtime won't last too long

He's OK, of course

2011-08-25T19:48:00.001-04:00

So, he called and he was sort of panicked
he was confused and needed my help
by that time, I had called my sister for help

so here is what happened
I called my sister and said I was worried - he should have been gone 15 minutes
and he was gone an hour
this was not right
he should have answered his cell phone and he didn't

she said she would go to the store where he should have been
I didn't want to leave home in case he (or the police) called here

he called - driving - not knowing where he was
while on the phone with him
trying to get him to pull over
she called

I tried to get him to simply pull over
of course -- he won't just do that
he found a Mcdonalds and pulled in there
got out and got some food
sound good?
yes but it really would have been better if he had
just pulled over to the side of the road and not driven further
and not done anything at all!

anyway, my sister picked me up
and he stayed on the phone
he got food
believe it or not
he refused to get full sugar soda
he still insisted on half diet and half sugar soda
geez!

we got to him - he didn't argue about me driving
my sister left
the car seat and the seat belt were soaking wet
yick!

I drove home -- he was miles from where he should have been

again he was lucky
but he is now really mad at himself
he is apologizing to me

I think I lost a few more years

they say all is well that ends well
I'm not sure
my system is still not calm

this hasn't happened in many years ==
hope it doesn't happen again for many more

worry is useless

2011-08-25T18:50:00.001-04:00

I know it doesn't help to worry
but I'm worried
Tom left an hour ago to run two errands
he is not answering his cell phone
right before he left I asked about his sugar
he said it was high
why is he gone so long
there is no reason that I can think of
I'm a nervous wreck
things have been so good
why did I let him go?
yes, I know, I'm the preacher
I always say let him manage his own business
but I can't stand sitting here not knowing
I don't want to leave the house in case someone calls

but I have lived through this before
where he crashed his car
more than once
I am scared
worrying doesn't help
but its the not knowing that is so hard
there is no reason for him to be gone so long

something happened
I don't know what to do

Thank You, Tom

2011-08-04T08:32:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, life is better than others.
Right now, I am feeling lucky to be married to Tom.
Maybe its odd but I'm grateful that Tom is taking care of his health right now

I'm trying to remember whether life is usually better in summer than winter
I know that I am always happier in summer than winter
but it never occurred to me that the same may be true for Tom also
if that is the case then its possible that his health could be worse in the winter
hmm, something new to consider

then, also, we have the big change in my career
and truthfully its going phenomenally well, but it does change things
and he is being a true champ -- being supportive in every possible way
I never can predict these things with him

But he is truly being my rock and the foundation that I need
its not like our early years -- not at all
and I'm not sure I would call it "better" so much as "different"
there are still scars from our years of "fighting this disease and each other"

but right now, and this very moment, I am happy to take a moment and share my comfort and say I'm glad I stayed. Tom and I share a life (at this moment in time) that is right for the two of us. It will get hard again and it will get better again -- but it is what it is. Its my life.......

Where We Live

2011-08-01T20:07:00.002-04:00

Anonymous TX wondered where we all live.
Its an interesting question.
We are all kind of protective of our identities in different ways.
and yet, because we help each other, we are also curious about each other.

I am in the Washington DC area -- along with a few million others.
Texas is pretty big also.
I am GUESSING that Lilly may live somewhere in the upper midwest - but I don't know
and that DW lives out west

I have no idea where Sandy lives -- for some reason I pick New Jersey! Just because I want to pick New Jersey!

there really aren't very many of us who "talk" with each other
I have pictures in my head of what the other ladies look like
(of course Sandy is brave enough to have her picture on her page! I'm not there!)
I want to use this place to vent too often and so prefer to try not to be known

So, I think Lilly is short with curly hair
I think DW is slender with long dark hair...
AND DON'T CHANGE MY VISION OF YOU! I LIKE PRETENDING -- YOU PROBABLY DON'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THAT -- BUT ITS FUN
:)

ok, I'll stop now but these are the silly things I do to entertain myself
its a sad life.....

hope you get my sarcasm tonight.

sleep well.......

Anonymity and Misunderstandings

2011-07-27T08:45:00.002-04:00

Here is what Anonymous TX wrote to me:

After reading all the new posts...I got worried
that I had said something...but think I was hurt by the comment about you thinking my DH following me in the car was scary or creepy...
I meant it to be that he would try to drive in an diabetic alterted state and it would be scary for me not how you said it...or the way I took it....so I stopped posting for a few days to think about what I say before I write.
Well, I read your latest post and thought I had said something offensive...but I checked other posts and saw the anonymous post suggesting that we all leave our DH instead of complaining and I really was offended...we stay
or I do because I do love him in some way...and in the beginning it was totally different...we were happy and in love...now 40 years later and 27 years into diabetes.. it's different but as so many of you said...I won't leave for someone else to let him die...
and of course those wedding vows...I just am so thankful that I found a place where I can vent and be understood by 99% of everyone..and as for the post "why don't we leave"...to me that is someone who is NOT walking in our shoes...I need this site for daily sanity...I feel that some or you girls are worst off and some better than I but we are all in this boat and I have come to learn so much...especially that this disease has a heavy mental toll..not just a physical one...sure wish the DR's would see that side...that is the part that hurts so deeply...think I could stand the physical if only DH would appreciate a little more and show a little more kindness...know you all understand..and for that I thank GOD! Please keep posting...ignore those who are ignorant and continue to help those who understand the daily life with a DH....Thanks again for letting me vent....TX DW

and here is my response:
I am sorry if I said something that hurt your feelings or gave the impression that I was less than 100% supportive of you.
I can't speak for everyone -- but most of us wives do not judge each other
even when we are in different situations -- we understand....
we are looking for what you are looking for -- some kindness
a place to share -- to vent -- some sanity
we get judged every day and from just about everyone else
we don't want it here in this little corner of the cyberworld

we share ideas, we share feelings, we just share...
you are correct, I thought you were afraid of his following you in a creepy way
but the point of my other blog, was that even if he was in a bad/low insulin place
and got behind the wheel of a car -- I was so determined to make him responsible for his own actions that I would have hidden his keys and left anyway.
sometimes the only way to make these guys understand is shock therapy
(and not the Dr. Frankenstein version)
Not saying I was right - just that it was the moment in time for me!

One more comment on this issue that I feel I need to say. Some wives do leave their husbands. There are times when despite their love, and their caring, and everything that they have done to take care of that man they married so many years ago, they simply must go -- to protect themselves. That's ok too. There can be so many reasons for that -- We (at least me) don't judge that either. I have read some posts over the years where it sounds like the only alternative -- for all we know the husband was abusive before the diabetes which only made it worse, or the diabetes caused some brain damage that no one knows about and just can't be reversed. The wife simply has no alternative but to save herself -- and maybe her kids.

So, just to clarify -- NO JUDGEMENT! JUST SHARING!

if you ever, ever are hurt or confused -- let us know
its probably just because we didn't understand your words
its one of the challenges of black letters on white background
there is no nuance, no facial expression, no change in voice

clearly my words are often misunderstood
I like to think that I have a wry sense of humor
(whatever that means -- is that supposed to be rye?) ha ha
but it doesn't always come across

and yes, my first concern is always for my fellow wives
I kind of get defensive there - even though I have never met or spoken to a single one of you

and you, Anonymous TX, in particular - always identify which anonymous person you are.
I have missed your posts. I noticed.....
I believe that the Anonymous who sent that message to Lily is the same one who sent me and others a similar message. This person appears to be a mean coward OR is someone who truly does not understand our situation. Otherwise why use such harsh language?

After all of my words, please don't stop writing,
If I say something that hurts your feelings, or you don't understand,
PLEASE call me on it
it was probably just my rushing writing style

Take care everyone
lets keep the communication flowing
even if we misunderstand each other......

Tom's Wife

Commenting on Others Posts

2011-07-26T10:12:00.003-04:00

Reading posts by Diabetic Wife and Lilly - some comments just came to mind and prompted me to write my own ramblings........

On Family:
Several years ago we moved to be closer to my family --- and his. His is still about 4 hours away by car -- but that's better than 12 and about as close as either of us could handle. :)

My family clearly challenges me sometimes, but I am grateful to be here. There is no doubt in my mind, that every one will drop every thing for me if I ever need anything.

On one of Tom's trips to the ER in the middle of the night, I thought about which one of them I would call if I needed someone with me at the hospital. (I drove my own car -- which is horrible by the way if you haven't done that. It is very scary driving behind and wondering if they were able to revive him, racing to the hospital at 2 am, hoping that if a cop pulled up, he would know you were appropriately following the ambulance.!)

The point is that I have three sisters within a couple of miles of me who I could have woken up and they would have been at my side within minutes -- probably with their husbands! I am so grateful for that I can't express it. They would also take the burden of talking with my parents and his mother if I needed them to -- and for that too I'm grateful. Sometimes the thought of making a bunch of calls after an "episode" like that is too tough for me.

On "Just Getting a Divorce"
Leaving a marriage is a very difficult thing -- no matter the cause -- so many people are involved: the husband, the wife, the children, the husband's birth family, the wife's birth family, and the social and work circles in which both evolve. It is never a decision that affects only one person.

And even if it did - one asks herself: How can I leave this man that I loved to die alone? I have worked so many years to help him and saved his life so many times in so many ways? If I leave, he will surely die, how can he live without me?

But he has also done some fabulous things for me, remember when he just held me when I cried that time? how about the time that he..... We have wonderful memories of these men....

I remember one time thinking -- if I leave him and someone asks me, what happened, why did you leave him and my answer is -- oh, he got sick and I couldn't tolerate it any more. what kind of person does that make me? how do you leave someone you love because they got sick? I would hate that kind of person! Am I really that kind of person?

You see, this is a really complicated issue. And if you think this makes me sound selfish - so be it.

And, I will return to my "tirade" against the medical industry. Diabetes has two components: they physical and the mental/emotional. The Medical Industry addresses the physical -- they measure chemicals in the blood and think they know what they are talking about. But they don't know anything about how the brain works - that's where this disease is affecting behavior. We believe that our husbands are suffering from how the disease affects their brains. it is the impact on their behavior that is the real crisis of this disease. These ill people have a disorder in their brains that impairs their ability to take appropriate medication, to control their tempers, to manage their pain, etc. Maybe this brain impairment is "self-imposed" because they didn't take the proper care earlier in their lives -- but blame is irrelevant -- we are here today and we have to deal with what is happening in our (and their) lives.

Sometimes - we have to take care of ourselves and our children because there just is no other avenue -- the ill patient that we used to love just no longer exists and self preservation wins out. But other times, we need to stay -- we need to see this through. We need to do every single thing that is in our power to help. We can't leave a dying man on the sidewalk for other people to kick.

if we get some comfort from posting our angst, anxiety, and pain (and occasional joy) on this site, well last I heard we were free to do that. If someone is offended by reading any of this. Then you are quite free to not read it.

People who want to criticize us are NOT welcome to tell us -- we don't want to hear that
we only want to hear support on this particular site.
that's what we are hear for.

I guess I had something to say.

Responding to Comments from last post

2011-07-21T17:01:00.003-04:00

It seemed like several questions revolved around the one that asked if my marriage got better -- will it ever be like it was when we first got married?

We will never have the marriage we had when we were younger, of course
And yes my marriage got better

but its not necessarily a direct path

you see, while he changed, so did I!
I have stopped enabling him and he has had to take care of himself

I remove myself from situations where he can hurt me -- verbally or otherwise -- if at all possible

I understand that we are not all in the same place
and I feel sorry for the wife who believes her DH will follow her if she left

that sounds creepy and scary

but I have a new sense of self confidence and just try not to accept "bad" behavior from him anymore

its not perfect but its better.

good luck.

2011-07-17T16:16:00.003-04:00

Labels, Leaving, On Notice...
Sigh...
I have been reading my friends posts and painfully remember a horrible period in our marriage not long ago when I was seriously considering leaving Tom

with a great deal of help, I changed my behavior -- I literally stopped enabling him
I stopped helping him
I stopped arguing
stopped asking about his meds
stopped asking about the tests
stopped everything

if he was low (which happened multiple times a day) I handed him some juice and left the house
even if it was the middle of the night
I just took a drive

I called in all my chips -- spoke to his brother, spoke to my sister, spoke to every friend I had
asked for the support I didn't know I had

it was just about the hardest thing I did

I remember one night when I left the house - it was February and freezing outside
I was absolutely certain that he would be dead when I returned

but I just forced myself to stay away from the house for two hours
amazingly, when I returned, he was fine
not just fine
but he had eaten, cleaned the kitchen, and was waiting for me

It has certainly not been perfect since then -- but it has been much better
I don't know what happened during those two hours -- we never discussed it
but I still don't help

I'll give him juice and walk away
I don't go to the doctor
I don't argue

if he wants to die -- he can
if he wants to be angry and yell at someone -- its not going to be me

He changed -- but so did I
I simply won't accept his entitled behavior anymore
25 years is enough

it has changed our relationship

of course it could change again
but I hope I can stick to my guns

none of us should have to accept it

but we have to change to
we have to figure out how to stand up and show them that we will not permit them to be whiners, dependents, in other words, be their moms

first we have to show them what we expect -- not with words but with actions
its not being mean or nasty
its being a self-respecting human being

this is not meant to say everyone should be like me
but I only learned this because a very smart person taught it to me
and it worked for me -- at least so far

hoping that someone else may get something to think about from my experience

Been Catching Up

2011-07-13T20:42:00.003-04:00

Its been a busy summer for me
I am wrapping up my job before "retiring" to my next career step
its the best feeling in the world

Tom is being great -- he is taking care of himself and being supportive of me
its a nice change of pace
I hope it continues

reading the other DW's blogs, they are not having so much luck
(and I know my turn will come - so I am very sympathetic)

And yet, I don't see myself as kind as others
Getting up to feed him a fourth meal while he sits there whining? not happening -- feed yourself -- I'll be somewhere else.
Getting up in the middle of the nite when he doesn't hear the beeps? Been there done that -- not sure I'll do that any more.
Trying to fix the windows in order to sell the house while I'm in pain? ok, maybe, I would do that - but I would probably kick him out first and do it on my schedule and only when I feel good and wouldn't share any of the money I get from selling the house with him.

Of course you know I say all of this with a little bit of sarcasm
its easy to say what i would do when I am not in those shoes

I remember someone telling me not to help Tom when he was in a low
oh, yeah, just let him die!
of course, that's so easy!
I'll just go to sleep while he goes into a coma beside me
when I wake up in the morning he will be dead and I will calmly call the paramedics
no problem
easy as pie

sure
this is the man I married 25 years ago
I love him (or at least I used to)

what has life become?

going from one crisis to another?

Its a good thing I love to work
I am hoping that I can make a ton of money in the next 10 years
I can dream and wish and hope that I can buy my way out of this
what do you think?
will that work?

probably not
but dreams are dreams
yes?

clearly its time for me to go to sleep tonight
hope you get a good night's sleep tonight also

sometimes its all we can hope for....

A little Catch up

2011-07-03T13:35:00.003-04:00

I've been traveling for a few weeks so I got behind on my blog
finally posted a few messages from my last one - read them - they are important

Our 25th anniversary is Tuesday and Tom is being super nice and healthy
I am taking the opportunity to be thankful
we are starting my next work venture together
it feels very nice -- and I am trying to stay focused
trying not to think about when that other shoe is going to drop

THINK POSITIVE! right?
my days like DW will come - I just hope I can put them off for a little longer.....

Lots of comments on "Risk"

2011-06-17T11:18:00.002-04:00

Usually I simply post the comments I receive
it seems this touched a nerve and people want more details
a number of people feel like they are safe because of the manner in which they post

in presenting my friend's information as I did, the intent was to "disguise" the details
this was in part to protect my friend and in part to advise that nothing is safe.

Most people probably don't know that most identity theft is initiated by someone the victim knows! rather than by a stranger. I don't mean one or two credit cards being stolen but true identity theft.

In my friend's case, well, I will let her tell it: (again edited so the key points - in my opinion -- come shining through!)

I was on my own personal computer using an internet server I pay for from my home. My husband's previous employer hacked in and trolled the key-strokes on my personal computer and followed me through the web to find my blog. They then twisted what I said and used it against him. So, he was given the choice to step down or publically defend himself against charges of being a wife beater. He did not want me to have to defend him. He did not want his employer to know we were fighting these charges. He stepped down and assures me it's a blessing in disguise.

Horrible for friend and husband - in this case husband is a true hero - friend has frequently told me that even though he frustrates the heck out of her when he doesn't take care of himself, he is always her rock.

I think that is true with many of us
and its why it is so heartbreaking when these heroes of ours lose themselves
we spent so many years counting on them - relying on them
then it seems like one day we woke up and realized that we couldn't do that any more
they stopped taking care of them selves -- they stopped being the rock-solid hero in our lives
all of a sudden - at age 50 or 40 -- 0r whatever
we had to be the hero in our own life
not what we signed up for
not what we wanted in our life

and then it all gets compounded by "normal" life problems
computers getting hacked
crappy work events
past husbands
parents who need help
kids who get in trouble
whatever

there is no need to panic
and no need to be smug
just use good common sense
and keep moving forward
its all any of us can do

A New Type of Risk

2011-06-15T11:44:00.002-04:00

A friend of mine writes a blog - one of those stream of consciousness ones like we do here
we get the "big" stuff out so we can go back to being super wife away from our computer

well, somehow in a totally unrelated set of circumstances, her husband's employer found about her blog. He has been demoted and her computer was confiscated! How does this happen in today's society? what happened to the first amendment?

Needless to say, my friend (and her husband) are devastated!
I can only imagine.

I am wondering if I need to go back to what I've written and reconsider what is stored here.
for all my whining, I would never want to put Tom's job at risk
that never occurred to me!

WOW!

what do you think?

thanks for the support

2011-06-14T23:00:00.002-04:00

your comments were great
DH is my hero
she started this, she gives THE BEST advice
and everyone else is terrific
all of the comments were great!

quick update

2011-06-13T22:11:00.002-04:00

I am traveling for work so not much time to write
1) if a person doesn't like what I write, that person does not need to read my blog. don't write nasty comments, just don't read.
2) if my writing helps just one person then I am happy to keep writing - it has helped me - and it helps in part because there are others who share the life of living with a diabetic
3) a friend told me this past weekend about a tv show called "sister wives" -- I didn't know what it was -- so when we were calling ourselves that, I didn't know what it meant -- wow!!!! I don't think I want to use that moniker anymore. we have lots in common - but we really don't have the exact same husband -- yick!

back to my old comment?
sleep well tonight

Memorial Day 2011

2011-05-30T18:06:00.002-04:00

I have spent the last hour or so catching up on everyone else's blogs
commenting on others' issues has taken awhile and was fun

I'm trying to make a career change so I don't have time for Tom's crap
He knows that I simply cannot take care of him right now
If I don't pull this off just right, I will be out of work -- and that means one half of our income
that scares both of us -- but he freaks over the thought of only his salary supporting us
so I'm hoping that he will take care of himself and leave me alone to focus where I need to focus

He is doing OK -- he has had some minor lows - low enough that I notice -but not bad enough to require significant intervention. No major blow ups -- I just suggest he not wear two tee shirts and offer the appropriate socks and suggest he drink some juice and walk away. this has worked these last few weeks. I refuse to engage in verbal battles with him. if he starts to argue -- I walk out. fortunately our house is big enough that i can find another room where I can hide. Oops! I mean be alone. Whatever, he fixes himself when I don't fix him and its been ok.

This weekend, I helped my baby sister (51 years old but always the baby of the family) paint her living room). She is many years divorced and just bought her house. she has never painted a room - but I have painted almost every room of my house - more than once. Its a relatively cheap way to make a room feel like new. so I helped her. it gives her confidence and helps her and just cost me a little time. so I did a good thing and it was fine.

that's my update tonight
I did spend my few moments of giving thanks for all of our veterans and their families
for all they have given to us
I wish war would go away
but until it does -- I'm grateful for the people who fight for my freedom
take care

Dis-Harmony

2011-05-19T20:44:00.002-04:00

I do not like dis-harmony
it feels like there is a great deal of cacaphony in my life right now
I am not a musician but I love music
harmony, soothing tunes, calming melodies, you know....
This is something I "inherited" from my dad
so, when there is discord in my life, I just want to hide

my work life is VERY stressful -- you probably guessed that
my family (meaning my sisters, parents, nieces/nephews, etc.) are raising issues
its too much
its nonsense
its unnecessary
there is no benefit

Tom is fine from a health standpoint right now
but he is being a jerk lately
and truly I think its related to his illness
his irritability and his glucose levels appear to be related -
he is so restrictive in his food and he keeps his glucose so low that he can't be happy

so I need to figure out to just find peace despite all this noise
let them be loud and disagreeable - I will just look for the quiet --
in a month I will get to have a weekend alone
I can look forward to that

I'll start counting the days

Its a New Day

2011-05-09T21:55:00.002-04:00

I took the weekend off
I didn't read the posts and didn't respond to anyone else's
There are times when we just need a break
sometimes its short, sometimes its long
this time it was a few days
its just that so much is going on in my life right now
and amazingly Tom is taking care of himself
at least for a few days
all of us know that this is only a temporary thing
at any moment that could change
but I'll take advantage of it when I can
for now, I'll appreciate it

and, I'll feel sympathy for Lilly, DW, Sandy and the others.
they deserve my prayers.
some of them are having some pretty tough times

good luck and hope you get a good night's sleep

Don't Feel Well

2011-05-03T19:40:00.003-04:00

I'm fine - but not feeling great
I have an eye infection and my whole system is down
then today, when I was leaving work, there was a soda spill on the floor
I didn't see it and fell -- hard
nothing broken -- but I'm bruised and just feel like crap

fortunately Tom is "behaving" tonight
how is it that he seems to understand that this is one of those nights when I really could not take care of him no matter what

Tons of stupid family garbage over the weekend also
but I'm too tired to talk about it

just take my word for it
some people don't understand the definition of family
they are selfish and don't care if they hurt their parents
more on that another time

hope you are doing better than me tonight

Tom's Wife

I'm Not Doing it!

2011-04-30T18:47:00.002-04:00

I refuse!
he is sitting on the sofa across from me
he refuses to drink the juice I set down for him
he is "falling asleep" sitting up
I'm not going to save him
if he passes out - let him
too bad
why should I fight with him
and have him call me names
say mean things to me
essentially save his life
so he can do it more?
how long can I do this?
I don't know
but I just don't want to do it?
let him save his own life.....

Lots of Advice

2011-04-27T20:24:00.002-04:00

As I read some of our posts, I reflect
we (and I mean me) are so full of advice for others
but maybe its me I'm projecting
maybe its what I'm projecting I wish I could do

Truly I feel horrible for what others go through
in comparison, my situation is a piece of cake
and yet I feel challenged to deal with it
I have days when I want to walk away

Before the garage door fiasco, we had a nice weekend
since then -- all downhill
mr. Jerk-o has returned
I don't know how much of it is sugar-related and how much of it is just his personality
how do you tell
tonight was definitely low-sugar
Sunday nite was not
last night was just stupid pig-headedness

on tv, the wife gets to tell the husband to sleep on the couch
how come I can't even get him to sleep in the second bedroom?
I am the one who has to do that!
he can be such a jerk!
I don't care if it is because of low sugar
that shouldn't give him license to be mean and inconsiderate and nasty

but then, I'm telling you what you know.
why would he purposely get in the car, knowing he needs sugar
and then blame it on me, because "I asked for Chinese food?"
Please!!!

What's the Deal?

2011-04-26T20:59:00.002-04:00

After a great weekend, Tom shut the garage door on his car and broke the garage door!
DW's husband drank caldryl instead of pepto bismal
Lynn's husband is reading the numbers and eating sugar like crazy anyway (oops that's all of them!)

the dramatic, unpredictable behavior of our husbands is hard to take

I actually feel real admiration for the person who wrote to DW about leaving her DH
I don't believe that marriage is the be all end all to the world
when its great, its great
but if the relationship is being abused - then its ok to leave
when I read some of the blogs and comments
I wonder how some of my "sister wives" can stay
sometimes I wonder how I can stay

In my case, there are still more good days than bad
but then again, Tom is very functional
he plays tennis multiple times a week
he works at his place of employment at least 5 days a week

I guess maybe I never shared that before
but Tom is VERY healthy - compared to some of your husbands
that doesn't make him any more compliant
it doesn't make him any more predictable
it doesn't make him any more easy to deal with

there are many other things that are very scary
but that's for another post

My point is
1) their "mood" swings are VERY scary
2) sometimes a person just has to leave

at the end of the day, each of us has to take care of ourselves

p.s., fortunately it was the garage door not the car that got broken and it got fixed quickly

Nice Weekend

2011-04-24T18:25:00.002-04:00

Its been a nice weekend
I can breathe for a moment
we did lots of yard work together
I can really appreciate the time

Hope others also had a pleasant time

Tonight -- Comments

2011-04-21T20:03:00.002-04:00

I will take a page from DW and respond to some of the comments recently received.

Lilly writes:
And let us not forget Crazy Wife, who is also dealing with 2 (2! WOW) sets of twins to make life even more interesting! I do agree, that blogging is where we can let it all go and say what is on our minds, as we are keeping it all together the rest of the time dealing with our DHs. And I too am very grateful that we have a little community of "sisters" blogging away and comparing notes. There are so many days that it helps so much!

Yes, Lilly, once I went to bad last night, I remembered Crazy Wife and Lynn!
and there are several named "Anonymous"
we all understand the desire to not have a name - so that could be multiple people
thanks to one and all!

Then there is NewToThis:
What a crazy zoo your family event must have been. I cannot imagine. Did you manage to get Tom's low under control? Did all the help from the side line calm down?
I think my family events are always zoos! Yes Tom got under control pretty quickly and the family members quickly went on to other topics -- the pregnant niece, the newly married niece, the nephew going to grad school, you know.....

And, Sandy, we really are in this together aren't we? isn't it amazing that you get me better than my family who have known me for more than 50 years?
I can see a low from a mile away in my hubby too!!!!!!!!!! :) sad that the one comment of not helping him came up. I guess you have to chaulk that up to just not understanding Diabetes. I love the don't overdose lol gotta laugh right ? :)

On a totally different tangent, I received a very interesting question from a friend of mine.
when I had told her about this blogging she thought it was great that we were supporting each other but she wanted to know how I could tell who was legitimate and who was scamming us.

My response was -- why would anyone waste their time trying to scam us?
we are all anonymous
we are just sharing stories of our burdens
I don't get the problem

My friend said that some people just get laughs by making fun of other people who are dealing with serious issues

any thoughts?

I would hate to think that someone would do that with us and I can't imagine any of our group being that way, but thought I would throw it out there

Raging DWs - One and All!

2011-04-20T20:24:00.002-04:00

So, the mystery is solved!
Raging Diabetic Wife is one of us!
I have to say I'm relieved
at the same time, the point of my post last time is that its sometimes so hard to tell by just reading the words!

I worry about that,
my posts are really just my thoughts put to "paper" (Oops I mean screen)
this is my chance to write without too much thinking
like many of you, when I write for work I have to spend a lot of time worrying about how people will interpret the words I put into email or on paper
this is the place where I don't need to do that

its nice that some of you tell me that you appreciate what I write
I don't need lots of encouragement but a little helps

the people I hear from are wonderful
Diabetic's Wife (DW) who started this whole thing is THE BEST
Lilly adds a lot of information and heart
Newtothis (S) shows us her sense of humor most of all
Sandy appears to have a younger version of challenges and I think those of us who are a little older, well our hearts break for her in a different way
Raging, welcome, your frankness in the clean bathroom stories and financial issues are startling and eye-opening -- should cause every one of us to take note

hmmm, who am I leaving out?

Michael, I like your input too, you seem to try to look at this from out point of view
and that must be very difficult -- I applaud your effort

To be honest, in this space, we don't usually try to look out for the diabetic
we spend so much of our "off line" time doing that
this is the place where we don't have to
where we can "rage" against it

For example, tom and I hadn't spent time with my family for several weeks
Monday night we went to my parents for dinner
arriving separately, coming directly from work
it was all 25 of us this time

and he shows up low
I know because I can see it in his eyes
He starts trying to talk to one of my sisters
she is trying to understand what he is saying
he is talking nonsense
she keeps trying to clarify
but of course that doesn't work
I'm trying to get to the OJ and then get the OJ to him
and then, of course, get him to drink the OJ

Mom is on the sidelines -- get him to drink -- lots!!
Another sister is on the sidelines -- oh, be careful -- not too much don't overdose
Another sister -- don't take care of him -- he should be taking care of himself

Gosh!
so much !

and then, how can I complain when he keeps the bathroom clean?

ok, that's it for tonight,
hope everyone gets a good night of sleep
or at least some sleep

and again, Welcome SAR

OH! and if anyone else is reading this and not blogging!
please join us
more is definitely better!

Interesting Comment

2011-04-17T19:46:00.002-04:00

I received a comment that I don't understand
I am not posting it as a "comment" but am quoting it here
maybe we will get more feedback
you will see why in a minute
it is always so much nicer to get encouragement from those who agree with us
and pure hateful or ignorant comments are just to be ignored

however, sometimes another perspective does cause one to pause
and I do want to be intropesective (how do you spell that word?)

I'm not denying my feelings -- but other feelings are valid too
here is the comment:

I feel the opposite. I have started a blog, raging diabetic's wife, in order to have the freedom to express what is going on in my life and not to listen to more raging. I have joined our sisterhood after getting no help or compassion from the medical establishment concerning what I am facing day to day as he gets sicker and sicker.

since the person did not give much information -- I don't know if she is the raging diabetic's wife or I am???
she joined the sisterhood, but she feels the opposite, of what?
I'm confused....
this is from someone I haven't heard from before
so I would really like to hear more

can I support her?
or should I be thinking about how she has a different perspective than I do?
clearly she agrees on the way the medical establishment treats our husbands
but whose raging does she not want to hear?

please tell me
I want to be helpful
not harmful

Tom and I had a BIG talk today
Again
I feel better when we talk
it lasts for a few days
then it goes away
but I'll take a few days

tomorrow I go to work again
things get tense again
he will have another low this week
and that is my life
sound familiar?

ok, I'm done for tonight

thank you for all of your caring thoughts
they REALLY help me
and I am glad some people appreciate my "stream-of-consciousness" writing
at least we have each other!!

may we all get a good night's sleep tonight!!

Slow Starter

2011-04-15T18:23:00.003-04:00

Its interesting to me that I have found you, my friends on this blog
to be honest, I have 5 friends on facebook -- its not my thing - -I only have those "friends" because they are already my friends and it serves a purpose -- why do people have hundreds?

I picked up email at first because of work
don't misunderstand -- I learned to program computers way back in college -- on punch cards!
that was a long time ago -- so I'm not averse to technology
its the public part of the "friendship" thing that causes my hesitation
while we try to be discrete (at least many of us) I don't really trust anything on the internet
of course some of my work involves internet security
and I have probably seen more ways to steal than to do things legally

that said, I find it interesting how we "sister wives" address the issue of our husbands knowing about our blogs -- and the "secrecy" thing

some dread the thought of their husbands finding out
I understand that -- Tom's feelings would probably be hurt if he read some of what I wrote
I wouldn't want that
I'm brutally honest here

on the other hand, sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better if he did read it -- maybe he would understand better
but I know better
I have tried to tell him these things in so many ways over the years
in writing, in words, and in pictures -- you name it! :)

And then again, Tom truly does not seem curious
someone wondered whether a husband sneaked in and saw her blog
its possible
what would be the outcome??

would he be angry? sad? hurt?
would he change his behavior overall?
would he take better care of himself?
would he take better care of her?
those would be good outcomes

on the other hand, would he yell more?

Tom is one of those people who mostly turns things inside
and if he is angry at me he gets passive aggressive
when he yells, it really is to tell me indirectly that I'm stupid
if I'm in a good place then I have learned to be calm and walk away from those arguments

but as you know I'm not always in a good place
right now, he is not yelling at me
he is internalizing
we just don't talk much

its not terrible
its also just not terribly warm either

I guess that's my rambling for now.....

Another Shoe Dropped Today

2011-04-14T19:30:00.003-04:00

I didn't know I had so many shoes

My sister - my best friend
She had a very curable type of cancer 20 years ago
she had it removed and she "recovered"
she has been great ever since

today she got the results of her latest scan
and they found something
the doctor said it may be nothing
but it is scary

On days when I feel better this may not be so much

she sounds fine
but today I don't
remember my earlier posting where I feel fragile?

the thought going through my mind?
if I were to lose my dad, my sister, and my husband
Well, its just awful -- I can't even imagine...

this is incredibly sad
and I'm feeling overwhelmed

everyone around me thinks I'm really strong
that's what the people in my physical life say to me
they all believe that I'm the one who holds everything together
and honestly it helps me to get through the day to pretend sometimes
but I sat in my car and just cried for a bit

the good news is that I have started walking again and that helps
Spring! what a great time of year
but for some reason yucky stuff seems to keep happening

well, maybe that's just my sad mood
think I'll go for a walk

p.s. Thank You

2011-04-13T21:32:00.001-04:00

By the way, thank you for all the responses
including the private ones
they really help

Thoughts of Sadness

2011-04-13T21:19:00.003-04:00

Been thinking about me lately
talking to a friend today

In the last few years life has been a mixture of good and bad
however I believe that I have lost my foundation

over the last 20 years of my marriage (been married 25) I have gradually been losing pieces of Tom to diabetes -- read about it in DW''s blog -- she does a good job

but a couple of years ago my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer
he had all the treatments
and at 85 years old, his doctors are calling him "cured"
but he is no longer my dad

you see, of everyone on the face of this earth, my dad of the single person who believed in me no matter what happened
he was always my cheerleader
he challenged me and listened to me
he understood me and loved me unconditionally

I hope this doesn't sound weird
but my dad is my heart!

and while he is still a living breathing person
he just isn't the same
he doesn't feel well
he is tired
my mom "protects him from everyone"
she worries about him so much -- and that's understandable
but I get very little alone time with him
he seems just fine with that too
but I miss him so much

I think these words don't capture my thoughts very well
but its where my thoughts are tonight
I just don't have my dad anymore
even though I "still have my dad"
sad....

Feeling Fragile

2011-04-12T19:20:00.002-04:00

just one of those days
when it feels as if tears were close to the surface all day
no particular reason - just "fragile"

received some wonderful comments last night

several about using the "delete" button on our DH's comments
I think it gave many of us a smile
maybe you don't need to be the wife of a diabetic to want to use the delete button :)

It also seems like lots of people are feeling the spring - flowers, busy schedules, etc
Do you remember marrying that guy who was going to take care of us on our fragile days?
I don't think I have many of them (who knows)
but you know work sometimes really beats me up
and it would be so great to come home and get built back up
it never happens anymore
no more big bear hugs
no more comforting ...

instead its me taking care of him.....

I'm now the big bear..

hmmmm

not what I signed up for
but its what I have

oh well

my mom never promised me a rose garden.....

when there is "nothing to say"

2011-04-11T19:05:00.002-04:00

there are days when I want to reach out to my friends on this site
(is that the right terminology?)
but I don't feel like I have anything new to say...
particularly on the diabetes front
Tom was great all weekend!
YAY!
I didn't do much this weekend but catch up from my marathon work-travel
and now I am home for awhile
so, I caught up
I did finances, taxes, grocery shopping, and cooking
stuff I would normally consider relaxing
but while I'm doing it, I'm feeling restless
is this relaxing?
I don't know
I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop
it doesn't and I'm happy
but I'm always waiting

does this make sense to anyone else?

then I get this sweet note:

Hi, Just stopped by to say thanks for your last comment on my blog. I guess I just got my first angry comment from a DH.

angry comments are par for the course -- when we write here, we get them
there are people out there who do not like what we say
too bad
that is the beauty of this forum
we get to say what we want

they get to also
but we don't have to publish their comments
we have the option of that wonderful option: the DELETE button
wouldn't it be nice if we could do that with our husband's comments?

So, friends, its spring, my favorite month
be outside and enjoy
I hope you get the chance
I hope to do so at every opportunity

and even with little to say,
I'll still post nonsense!

His Driver's License

2011-04-05T20:38:00.002-04:00

So, I received this question..... Hey...not sure who posted the five accident story...my question??? Didn't the state intervene i.e. taking his license??? We battled that 2 or so years ago and it was a small accident but had a PA say he should not drive...diabetics have to drive...anyway got his DR. to help out...but I live in fear every time he leaves the driveway...in fact two reactions today and I cooked all three meals...what the #?##... I'm not sure whether or not you are referring to my story but a long time ago, Tom had a bad accident while "in a low" he got onto a freeway entrance ramp going the wrong direction (still don't know how he did that!) he was going slowly so no one was injured but after the cars were all crashed he left the scene the cops thought he was drunk - it was 6:30 in the morning the state cops called me at home and told me there was an all points bulletin out for him (just like on tv!) and this was before cell phones we had no idea where he was until he called me from a gas station when the cops found him they weren't very nice to him the judge was not nice to either of us this is a long way to say to that we had to address the issue of whether or not he would be able to keep his drivers license and that was when he was only 40 years old The impact on our lives would be impossible how would he work if he can't drive we live and work in the suburbs he drives an hour each way to work if he couldn't drive how would he get to and from work! but if he can't drive (because he is low) he won't be around to work! its hard there are no magic answers except that I have to keep reminding him its his job, not mine he needs to do a better job And just because, this is funny -- we can all relate...another note... ...last week when I raced to the eye dr. when hubby was having a reaction...I grabbed up all the tubes of glocose tablets available...he took two or three and things were ok...anyway noticed that one tube..orange flavored had specks on them...wondered if they could be going bad... just mentioned it to hubby...he ever so kindly told me that tube of glocuse tablets I bought and tried to give him were actually fiber tablets...they look like glocose to me...anyway in my furvor to help I could have killed himmm...I swear it was an accident but plan to be more careful when making this purchase...just wanted to help someone laugh today...as my best friend told me that day... "I won"... take care, have a good night,

Lots of Response - So Helpful

2011-04-01T19:29:00.002-04:00

I asked and you responded
thank you from the bottom of my heart
all of your comments are posted -- here are a few and my thoughts:

DW wrote this and it touched my heart:

you have the right to just want a little PEACE! You not only have the right...you deserve it...so take it...a couple of weeks ago you told me to let go...I'm trying...now you try...enjoy that wine and the book...you do not have control over him...you can only do so much then God takes over

Michael offered this:

All I can say is I'm sorry he's being the way he is, Low or not. Hope the wine does the trick. I know for me, salad and salmon certainly wouldn't bring me out of a Low - some OJ might temporarily, but I need the carbs in my system to make my BGs stay up there in safer levels. Of course, Your Diabetes May Vary. Anyhow, regardless - best thoughts and prayers your way.

Thanks, Michael. I wrote, drank, read my book, and slept -- so yes it was better.

the OJ brought up his glucose; the salad and salmon was to keep him going until he could manage himself
he didn't know I put breadcrumbs on the salmon -- but I did
you are correct, its the carbs every time
but the short-term and long-term ones count.
your comments are great, thank you for them.

NewToThis -- you are such a sweetie -- you sustain me:

Any time. I have my glass of wine too. I raise it to you, "an amazing wife who deserves to be reminded just how amazing she it."

Sandy, thank you too, I've been through oh, 5 car accidents? after so many years, it never gets easier. maybe that's the worst part....

I understand. I used to stress when my hubby worked (he worked on the road driving all day) many time I would catch him in a low episode and have to "treat it" over the phone. Not an easy task! The final straw was when he actually did have an accident. I was on the phone off and on through the entire episode. Talk about crazy scary!!!!!!!!!! Hang in there

Lilly, maybe I should copy your more insightful note, but you make me giggle, I think I love you

Maybe a second glass of wine would help . . . :-)

so, tonight, as Tom is doing everything in the world he can to make it up to me
and all I want to do is sleep
your comments sustain me
as DW wrote earlier
and probably each of us has written at one point or another
it is so fabulous that we have found each other
there must be many more of us out there and still all I can think of to say is:
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU

now, it is close to 9 o'clock on Friday nite
and I'm going to bed in a few minutes
I'll read and fall asleep
and frankly can't think of a better way to spend a Friday night

I wish every one of you a peaceful sleep also
its the one thing I never get enough of

Tom's Wife

tears to my eyes

2011-03-31T21:00:00.002-04:00

thank you for your prompt responses, Lilly and NewToThis
(read them in the comments)

it really helps and I have had my glass of wine
now I'm going to put my PJs on
and going up to bed

I'm sure I won't sleep until he gets home
but I feel better
knowing I have others who understand

thank you so much......

thank you for your comments

2011-03-31T19:58:00.002-04:00

everyone please read the comments
there are some very good ones!

Sarah says she hasn't seen these issues with her 20+ year type 1 diabetes
well, all I can says is, that is wonderful and I am so happy for her

but that is not my life

I have been out of my town for 3 nites, each nite, I called and spoke to Tom and he was fine
Tonite I walked in at 7 pm
and what did I find?

a blithering idiot

after a full glass of OJ and a salad with salad dressing that I forced on him
his glucose reading was 81

but he was so intent on leaving for playing tennis that it didn't matter whether he was too low
and I can't continue to argue
I am so tired from my travel
I'm sorry to say that I just don't care

I pushed the OJ and salad on him
I rushed and made some salmon for him
I didn't want to eat that -- but I had some in the freezer and I cooked it for him
he ate some
then complained that it was too much to eat before playing tennis
so he left - got in his car and drove away
I will now not be able to stop worrying until he gets home

yes, I know, some of you may say
that at least he exercises
but really, at the risk to sugar lows?

I can't help it, I was angry
I just wanted to come home
have a glass of wine
and a quiet nite at home
put on my PJs
and read in bed

now I'm so agitated
and I just can't relax until he gets home
and that won't be for several hours

how do I know that he won't kill someone driving his car?

this may be dramatic
but it is my feelings
and I'm allowed to have feelings

right?
your support will be helpful tonight because I'm feeling very low.....

Needles? Just Can't Do 'Em

2011-03-29T17:32:00.003-04:00

NewToThis tells me: A needle is nothing. Really..... It's just a Thin, little piece of metal. Don't look. Just jab and press. If you're shaking try and remember something mean he said when he was in a nasty mood and give it to him - hard! I bet you will both feel better when it's over in my head I get that, but when I tried, it just didn't work In fact, the one time I did try, Tom flipped over and his arm swung out (to protect himself) and I ended up with a black eye that sounds bad, I know, but really, he was so out of it, he had no idea that he hit me this was a very long time ago, and I never tried to give him a shot again its a good thing that I don't have kids I don't know what I would do if I had to take them in for shots or --OMG-- have to give one to my own kid!! there are only so many things I'm willing to do that just isn't one of them and, really, that is so his job its bad enough I help him with the OJ if he is in such bad shape that he can't drink? well he needs the EMTs anyway and, by the way? last night I slept so well, I overslept this morning! was late for work, but that's not the end of the world either

glucogon - is that the shot?

2011-03-28T20:45:00.003-04:00

Tom's doc tried to give us one of those shot things early on
is that what Lilly is talking about?

When he is between 17 to 20, yes . . . you have to do something before he passes out. That is, if he can still swallow at that point! Is he actually still capable of yelling at you at that point? Do you have glucagon injections in the house? Or even frosting in small tubes? I know this sounds gross, but I have had my hubby get to the point a couple times where he was so out of it he could not swallow or suck from a straw, and at that point, frosting can actually work, as it dissolves in the mouth. The gel kind would probably be even better, but have never had it on hand. Another time, the glucagon was home and there was no sugary frosting, so I was literally holding his head back and drizzling soda down his throat. He did finally come around, but the whole episode made for a hell of a family Christmas! My next step was going to be calling the ambulance. This was after he had screamed at me all the way to my brother's house for almost half an hour, and then was so "out of it" I couldn't get him out of the car when we got there. Was I enabling him? More like making sure he survived! Never a dull moment.

I tried, I really did.
but of all the things I have done for him, putting a needle into him is one thing I cannot do
when he is so far gone that he cannot swallow or suck from a straw,
I call 911
He HATES that more than anything
and frankly, the emergency folks don't love it either -- although they are nice about it
but there are times when I reach my limit
he is beyond my ability to help
and frankly the fact that he hates it is not such a bad thing
as long as i don't over do it

Oh, and can I tell you about the time his mother called 911 from 1,000 miles away?
I was upstairs - having a nice time, reading, taking a shower, whatever,
had no idea what he was doing downstairs

suddenly, the doorbell rang
it was the EMTs
my MIL (who is evil by the way) had called while I was in the shower and tried talking to Tom
she decided he needed help and figured out how to call the local police station
they called the EMTs who showed up
in that instance, Tom was not that bad,
I could have helped him

but oh, well,

I really appreciate the EMTs
its nice to know they are there
since I can't use the shot thing
needles are not my thing

this kind of rambled
sorry
but the idea of the shots and EMTs got me started
thanks Lilly

WOW! That's Support!

2011-03-28T20:06:00.003-04:00

thank you so much
you guys were on-line last night
your comments were great!

Sandy said:

I don't believe you are enabling him. U are HELPING him. I have learned to do what u need to do to get tthe sugar up, and then if there is a true argument, deal with it when he is sane. Most of the time, the argument is just the low talking, and hubby isn't even really mad...hope this helps :)

Lynn said:

Before we heard the diagnosis "diabetic" my husband was kind of a selfproclaimed @$$hole...lol I am not kidding. It was like i am six years younger and the "nice" one and he is the older Viet Nam vet @$$hole. He was a teacher and a coach for years and then administrated VP to P to superintendent of a school district before retiring and then we ran a diner...so as a boss he could get away with being the @$$hole kind of...boss means bossing... (well, read the comment -- we understand, Lynn)

Newtothis piped in with:

My two-cents: an a$$hole is different than a diabetic out of kilter. I don't think there is any way your sister could understand this difference if she is confusing enabling with possibly saving your DH from going in to a coma.

So, now I have learned,
the on-line version is a$$hole (who knew?)

and now I am learning that no matter how much my sister really tried to help
she is coming from her own frame of reference
and she hasn't walked in our shoes

of course, I haven't walked in hers....
so I can't judge her either.

again, thank you, my spouses of Diabetics
you understand me like no one else

I am renewed

I feel so much better just reading your comments

you are terrific!