Stay?

So, Do I ever question whether to stay or leave?
I didn't for the first 10 years of my marriage
Back then he did such a good job of keeping his promises

He kept his glucose under control most of the time
He seemed interested in traveling and reading and doing all kinds of things

Then, he started having more medical problems
they began to get worse
then the sexual problems started -- that was the beginning
that's when I started thinking about it
because how can you leave someone just because the sex is gone?

It wasn't until many years later that I realized it was so much more
it was about the consideration, the caring
it wasn't the physical limitation so much as the lack of consideration of my feelings, my needs
he didn't seem to care about what I wanted, he only cared about what he wanted
or what he thought was appropriate for the situation
he still likes to make decisions for what he thinks I need
then he goes with that
doesn't ask, just goes forward

so frustrating!

now that the medical issues are worse -- not nearly as bad as some others note
no amputations, no liver failures, nothing like that
just hitting hypos -- below 50 -- at least once a week
sometimes driving, sometimes after or during dinner, sometimes in the middle of the night
he has a pump, he has a monitor, he has everything

I've given up trying to figure out the right numbers
that's his job not mine
he won't share anyway
when he is low, I will offer the sugar,
sometimes trying to get him to test, sometimes just trying to get him to take the sugar
often, if we are home, I will offer the sugar and then leave
leave the room or leave the house if I have to
it gets too difficult to stay

if its the middle of the night and he doesn't quickly respond, I call the paramedics

it gets too much

do I think of leaving? you bet?
do I get scared? you bet?
do I get angry? you bet?
do I get love him? Yes, though sometimes I wonder why

what else can I say?