Tom's New Doc

First, thanks, Boop82 -- glad you are now with us
DW - have faith -- we are all thinking of you and wishing you the best
I would be that most of us are so grateful to you -- we would do anything to help -- if we could
best wishes your way....

Now to Tom
I like the new doc
but I don't like going with him and feeling like his mother
it was very uncomfortable for me
the doc was very matter of fact but very knowledgable
Here is the one bit of info that was very meaningful

I asked:  Tom has always tried very hard to keep his glucose between 100 and 120; what is the appropriate range for him?

she answered (directly to him) -- now you are 60 years old -- the issues are different --
we are more fearful of hypo's today --
less worried about the long-term impacts of prolonged highs
(Tom was shocked!)

she told him that the new range should be between 80 and 140
for him
everyone is different
but he needs to loosen his control
he needs to go to a podiatrist -- he is losing some feeling in his foot
(he didn't believe her -- thought she did the test wrong)
scheduled his next appointment for November
and wants him to see the dietician again
he printed out some reports for her and it showed one low in a week
she thought that was ok
it was not a bad low
I had not thought about it much
I guess its been ok

I did not like being there
he didn't like me being there
he should be taking care of himself
I am not his mom
but I ask important questions
this is icky

he doesn't want me to go again
I think I will go to the dietician but not the doc
since I cook dinner and do most of the grocery shopping
the dietician is important
and its not like he talks to me unless I ask a thousand questions!!!

ok I'm done tonight

thanks for "listening"
today was not comfortable
and...
tomorrow is another new day...

CRAZY BUSY!

The past week (and this week and next) are crazy busy
family wedding, business conference, and deadline next week
so I don't have much time to write

Look at responses to other posts --
DW - you are in our thoughts with your diagnosis
Lilly - thanks
Jules and Boop82 - welcome - you have lots of company and you are not crazy or selfish

If I could figure out how to make this just a conversation among us -- rather than me just writing - I would do that

Like you, I like conversation better -- even if its on line and not every day

Tom's appointment with his new doc is this coming Wednesday
it should be interesting
I'll let you know how it goes....

take care everyone

have a good week

Jules Update

Here is what Jules wrote on August 1st:

Hello, I don't do blogs too much or know very much about them, so I apologize if I don't understand the protocol. My husband has a genetic mutation that is causing all kinds of problems, but the biggest one is Diabetes. One day, I thought,"I wonder if other people feel the way I do" and there you were. It was like I wrote you post myself. My husband is 38 years old, and is falling apart at the seams. I know he has depression, has a new leg pain that won't go away, and is slowly turning into a chair bound ass. It's really very sad. Thank you for being so candid in your posts and for sharing your thoughts and feelings. 

 

And Lilly provided a response a few days later...

Jules, I am so sorry that you are going through this awful time! Maybe (like me) you can look at it as a chance to start over . . . but only you can decide what is the best decision for you. We are all just struggling to find our way. Many of us have chosen to stay, some of us have decided to leave, and some of us get left behind by the very person we have tried so hard to love. Take care of yourself, 

Here are my thoughts today (August 8th)

there is no trick to blogging - you just write.  you do great and have no need to apologize.

I am very sorry that you are dealing with so many challenges with an ill husband at such a young age

Most of us have dealt with different versions of that --and as Lilly says -- we each deal with it differently.  I hope you are reading the other links on my page.

btw, best wishes for dw who is struggling with a less-than-happy diagnosis for herself

Jules can use some support

Jules wrote this to me:

I'm so glad I found the site again. usually have to google in a moment of desperation. About a month ago my dh decided that he was done and moving out. No specific event precipitated this, just took my comment " I don't want to spend the next 20 years like this, we need counseling." to mean he should leave. After 23 years, that's all. He was on the max dosage of Byetta, metformin, etc. as a long haul truck driver he will be on disability if he has to use insulin. About a year ago he had his top teeth pulled, no denture so far. A1C is back in double digits and impotent for the last 12 months and no interest in anything. the suicide by type 2 really hit home with me, I don't understand and am angry and confused. I have managed to make the payments on my salary (just barely, he generously contributed 50% of the house payment). I think that I'm being manipulated and am angry. (putting it mildly) of course he does not want a divorce (he would have to pay for his own health insurance). I finally asked how he could just leave so easily. no answer and dead air on the phone. Thinking I better get a lawyer and get it done. He actually threw the Byetta pens out the truck window (some crap about a law suit he saw on TV). Suicide by type 2 seems like a likely result.

Anger and confusion are understandable reactions to your husband's behavior.

And there is no one solution for everyone
a person can get lots of suggestions (some stronger than others) but until I'm in your shoes, I cannot walk your path

I think that is the one thing all of us would agree on -- we each have learned to make our own decisions and take charge of our lives -- whether we wanted to or not

It is a tough learning process but it does help to share with others who have had similar experiences.

Good luck and write again

I want a Fairy Godmother!!

Whatever happened to dreams having happy endings?
Its been a miserable week and just got worse

Tom called to say his car won't start
his work is an hour away and it is horrible Friday summer rush hour

when he took the car to Jiffy Lube yesterday they couldn't open the hood
it was too damaged from the accident Tom had months ago

I don't know what is going to happen when the tow truck gets to him
but I have a feeling his car is going to be dead

we just are going to be very hard pressed to find money for a new car right now
it was bad enough when we got the car insurance price increase last month

70%!  that's what happens when a diabetic has an accident like that
and the insurance company pays another person


Where is my fairy Godmother who will say its ok and it gets better?
I don't see anything getting better!

and now on top of being worried about the car
Tom is waiting in 95 degree heat waiting for a tow truck
at the time of day when he often gets low sugar

my stress level is surely high

arghh!

I want to cry but don't have the time and who is going to dry my tears?
no hugs for me....

Welcome and How do we stay married?

I received quite a few comments in the last few days.
Welcome Donna-dj!  I'm glad your daughter found us!
We are a "fun" group!
I had forgotten about my April posting until you reminded me of it.
Our diabetic husbands (dh for short) are such a handful!
some days we love them despite it and other days we don't know how we can tolerate it for another nanosecond!!!


Suicide by Diabetes 2. I've never heard that before but it's perfect. It totally describes my husband, type 2 diabetic for 25 or 30 yrs and he could not care less......while he and his moods is truly wrecking our marriage of 46 yrs. No amt of conversation, arguing, reminders, mean anything. I have reached the point where I too just don't want to be around him. My daughter found this blog and oh my God, I REALLY need this....to touch base with other wives try to get my own head on straight. I just shake constantly when he's around. My salvation is our grandkids , a wonderful distraction. His problem is high blood sugar. Food is EVERYTHING to him. I know he's depressed, his docs have just pretty much written him up as non-compliant. Some docs have encouraged him to find other docs. They are sick of him and the docs want to help cure or control a disease.....he's just an ass. A miserable, crabby, withdrawn, nasty, old man of 69. So senseless. I'm so scared because we don't have much money, he is uninsurable, and when he dies or becomes disabled, I lose everything. Sounds selfish but I resent that he doesn't care about US.....and I've reached the point where I really don't care about him...just what his "disease" will ultimately do to me. Donna-dj 

Lilly wrote that Sandy is back but I have not been able to find her blog.  Sandy if you see this, please let me know how to find you.  I miss you!

 And a belated welcome to Boop82 -- I have seen your name before but didn't say hi -- sorry


you asked how we do this for more than 20 years.  Well if you read some of the posts -- some people don't.  Every relationship and every person is different.


In my case, I can remember the very first time that Tom had a very bad low and walked naked into my living room while my cousin was still there visiting.  My cousin is like my brother - so it could have been worse. But it took me awhile to figure out what was going on and how to appropriately respond.  Need less to say, 26 years later the issues are different and I respond differently.  But for the most part Tom is not abusive with me.  For other people, Their DH's are abusive or it simply does get impossible to live with.


also, Tom has had some serious events where he has had to face his reality and he gets "scared straight"  that works for awhile and he does better.  


It is my opinion that (a) it is not easy being married to a diabetic.  But!  (b) it is not easy being married.  someone else may have another problem -- he could be a lazy person or an alcoholic, or have another significant disease, or any number of issues that may be very difficult to live with.


maybe someone else has some better ideas. these are just mine.


good luck!

Working All Night

Tom worked almost all night last night
and paid the price this morning

he was home but on conference calls literally all night
he came to bed at 2 am but was texting for 2 more hours
got a few hours of sleep
then his alarm got him up 2 hours later

you know what I going to say right?
well he woke up with a low blood sugar
I was up because it was my normal wake-up time

but I couldn't do my normal routine
he took the bathroom
so I went downstairs, made coffee and read the paper
(no shower, no brushing the teeth)
forced him to drink juice and eat a breakfast bar before getting in the car to drive to work
he also said he had to start another conference call from his car!

he (of course) was easy going about it
but I worry
rush hour and on the phone and maybe still low blood sugar
I would not let him leave until his sugar was at least 90!!!!

he texted me when he got to work
but it wrecked the start of my day
I ended up not showering or brushing my teeth until 5 pm!!!!!!!

Yuck!!!

Tonight all is well.
Tom acts like nothing happened,
I had a stressful day - he just focused on work
what is wrong with this picture???