Another Week.....

So, its election day
I hope everyone voted according to their beliefs


Tom won't provide me with the reports from his monitor
the ones he gave his dietician
but if I had to guess, I would say that his early evening lows are continuing

when asked if he changed his afternoon snack as she suggested
he said no -- he hasn't purchased what he needs
he wants nuts -- despite the other suggestions

I offered to get them for him
no, I'll do it myself
does this sound like a teenager?


he doesn't want dinner before 6:30 or 7
but his glucose gets below 70 by that time
its so frustrating

I do my best
but I have my work too
and since he won't let me help
I can only do what I can do......

:(

challenging life continues

Visit to Dietician

Wednesday evening we went to vote and eat dinner out
it was a very pleasant evening
over dinner, Tom mentioned "our" plans to see the dietician on Thursday
HUH???

tomorrow?  I have plans
I don't have that on my calendar
he didn't tell me

he was contrite
does he want me to join him?
hem and haw
yes he wants me to go

its early and its inconvenient
but ok
its important

the dietician is great
she knows how to communicate with Tom in a way he understands

but he is so frustrating
he shows her the reports from his monitor

(he never shows them to me!)
he says the numbers are unusual
he still shows dips in glucose during the afternoon/early evening
I say that it is not uncommon

she says that he is still not eating enough carbs
he says he eats "fruit" things
I say they are candy -- gummy's with vitamin C
he complains that he has gained 10 lbs
she and I say that's ok he looks fine and tests show he is healthy

she tells him he needs to add fat and carb to his diet

I wish someone would tell me that!!! :)

don't really know what all of this means -- just noting it all....

Storms and Voting

Hurricane Sandy came and went
we are grateful that our family barely felt the effects
yes it stormed outside
but only one house lost power -- and it wasn't my parents!!

Today - we voted early --
it was easy -- I highly recommend doing it if you can

wishing everyone else is safe and sound

MY POOR MOM!

As if she didn't have enough to deal with regarding my father's illness,
we are in the eye of the storm (pun intended)
and she hasn't lost her power yet, but its probably just a matter of time -- because her house usually loses power in storms....

now her dishwasher broke down for good
and she has a serious leak in her roof!

she is a very strong woman
and she has a difficult time accepting help
even from her family

none of us have the courage to ask about plans for thanksgiving yet
this was a year for having it at my mom's
I don't know  how she can do it
but I know she doesn't want to give it up

Sigh,
it makes me so sad.....

Random Thoughts

tonight, as we wait for the  "mega storm" on the east coast, we are "ready"
whatever that means
our house rarely loses power and has never flooded to date
we have lost trees in the past -- but don't think we have any more at risk
we lose cable/internet frequently -- but we will deal with that

Federal Government work is cancelled for tomorrow so Tom will be home
I can work from home
we shall see how it goes
since there is no "weather" yet, its difficult to figure out how the storm will impact us

my sister's 40 year high school reunion is next weekend
since I'm so close with her, I am going through this with her
and anticipating my own 40th in 2 years

 it is interesting to watch the process of re-uniting with people we knew when young
and then trying to decide if we want to be friends with them now

maybe some other people have already done this through facebook
or something else
but it caused me to do some surfing on facebook

I see some people who are "friends" today
it brings me back to the clicks of school
and feeling left out
I don't want to feel like that again
do I really want to put myself in the position of feeling outside again?

why would I do that?

Tough Week

Gosh, this is a tough fall season.
DW-TX just wrote to say that her younger brother just passed away
of course, DW has just lost her mom and her mother in law
one of my sister's friends passed away last Friday
and the father of one of my friends passed away Wednesday

My dad is not doing well
and my mom is not handling it well either (an entirely different post)

This is so difficult
my sisters and I are trying to have one of us go by our parents' house each day
but really that's only three of us -- the other two don't participate
its too difficult for them so they don't

this is grief fighting with coping fighting with anger fighting with helplessness

I'm so grateful to Tom who is doing a pretty good job with his own health
I've had to remind him a few times but he is being good about it

I will try to sleep tonight - not doing well at that lately
but will try again tonight

Powerful Words

Diabetic Wife has written some powerful words in her last post.  You should read it. 

http://wifeofadiabetic.blogspot.com/2012/10/hospice-so-wonderful.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FYNchP+%28Wife+of+a+Diabetic%29

As she writes about the loss of her mom and her mother in law, she is taking grief classes.  She also recognizes that she grieves (and has grieved in the past) the loss of her healthy husband and the marriage she once had.

Heavy stuff and something all of us wives could heed.  we spend so much time coping from one issue to the next -- and often just being grateful for the quiet times in between -- that we don't think about this.  But it s so true. 

AND what a scary thought.  especially when you are just 30 years old and married for just a year or two.  I remember what that was like.  I wasn't thinking about losing anything or getting out of anything -- I was thinking about how to fix things -- how to make things better.  what could I do to make Tom's (and my) life better.  by the time I realized that I couldn't fix things and make them all better, a lot of anger had built up inside of me.  I didn't know how to deal with that anger. 

I couldn't take it out directly on Tom!  he was sick, poor guy! 
But everyone in my life suffered because I took it out on myself
which means that I got mean -- to Tom, to my family, and to every one who came across my path
now, I work very hard to be more considerate and kind
to see behind the surface

and now I will think about the grief perspective
especially as I begin the process of grieving my dad
I know he is not gone yet
but already -- he is not the same
he is leaving me
as he must
I must honor his decisions

thanks, DW, for another perspective
I'm so glad to have you as a friend....