Diabetic Wife has written some powerful words in her last post. You should read it.
http://wifeofadiabetic.blogspot.com/2012/10/hospice-so-wonderful.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FYNchP+%28Wife+of+a+Diabetic%29
As she writes about the loss of her mom and her mother in law, she is taking grief classes. She also recognizes that she grieves (and has grieved in the past) the loss of her healthy husband and the marriage she once had.
Heavy stuff and something all of us wives could heed. we spend so much time coping from one issue to the next -- and often just being grateful for the quiet times in between -- that we don't think about this. But it s so true.
AND what a scary thought. especially when you are just 30 years old and married for just a year or two. I remember what that was like. I wasn't thinking about losing anything or getting out of anything -- I was thinking about how to fix things -- how to make things better. what could I do to make Tom's (and my) life better. by the time I realized that I couldn't fix things and make them all better, a lot of anger had built up inside of me. I didn't know how to deal with that anger.
I couldn't take it out directly on Tom! he was sick, poor guy!
But everyone in my life suffered because I took it out on myself
which means that I got mean -- to Tom, to my family, and to every one who came across my path
now, I work very hard to be more considerate and kind
to see behind the surface
and now I will think about the grief perspective
especially as I begin the process of grieving my dad
I know he is not gone yet
but already -- he is not the same
he is leaving me
as he must
I must honor his decisions
thanks, DW, for another perspective
I'm so glad to have you as a friend....
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As I finally got to check in with my DW friends....I feel the need to ask...what the hell?? Is the the "fall of LOSSES"....just returned from my younger brother's funeral...he laid down to take an afternoon nap and never got up...53 years old...stayed with my mom (biological) (long story) for 5 long days...TOTALLY drained...got home after 9 hrs. driving, flying, driving...DH in his home office asleep on couch...says "oh...you made it...ok"...house is a wreck...yard not mowed.... Where's my support?? Having a pity party....grief sucks...thank God for the beautiful fall colors I dd get to enjoy on my car trip to airport...prayers to all my DW friends who have also suffered losses this season...please stay on these blogs...they help me see some future...if that's truly possible...blessings to all...TX DW
ReplyDeletewe had 8 weeks to pre-grieve mom's death. It truly helped. Unlike my hubby who had no notice. We have both come to understand that we will go through this at different rates in different ways because their deaths were different. I think we as spouses will grieve the loss of our health spouses in different ways, at different rates. What I am learning is that there is no right/wrong way to grieve, just so long as we acknowledge that we have lost something that was very important to us.
ReplyDeleteDW