new kind of stress

thanks everyone for your words of kindness
my dad is my source of strength in this world

its  not something I can really explain
but I think that I really am similar to him in the manner you read about boys being their father's sons in sports
does that make sense?

when I talk about anything with him, he totally gets it
when I start to doubt myself, he is the one person in this world who
knows how to say the right thing that just works for me

his mom, who my mother never got along with (for good reason) loved me
she (grandma) tried to give me special treatment that my mom blocked
but grandma is my special connection to heaven
I know she watches over me and takes care of me

this is rambling -- sorry -- but my heart hurts tonight

he is going to try more chemo

more pain
but with us longer.....

he is not "my dad" when he is on chemo

 I worry that he is already leaving me
does that sound grim?

I don't know
I'm trying not to cry

but this is my reality

Tom just is strong
he dealt with his father's long illness from a distance
he doesn't get it
but tries to be supportive

........

:(