My Response to batgirlnj

I wanted to comment on another of DW's blog entries --
this one from batgrlnj who is diabetic and is not certain she quite understands our point of view.

some of her words: 
..... you mention being a normal diabetes caregiver for your partners. Even when I was non-compliant my husband never allowed himself to be my 'caregiver'. As long as I am physically functioning and there are no other issues like you have had to deal with, then there is no reason for anyone other than myself to care..for myself. .... however I cannot imagine my husband needing to change even an iota of his lifestyle to take care of ANY of my diabetic needs.   If I did not tell you that I was diabetic you would have no idea. ...

Here are my thoughts on this :
I do not consider myself to be my husband's caregiver.  I have no idea what medications he takes (I am aware that he takes two different types of insulin - but not what they are nor what dosages) he takes other stuff also -- I guess for cholesterol and something else -- but I don't really know.  Additionally, Tom is a type 1 who strictly manages his diet and exercise (he weighs the same as he did in high school and he is about to turn 60 years old).  He tries very hard to keep his glucose at around 100.  He is terrified of experiencing the side effects that impact people with high sugars over prolonged periods of time.

That being said - from time to time, he experiences coma-inducing lows.  If you do not have these -- and your glucose is steady then I applaud you.  When we were younger -- probably in our mid-40's -- Tom started having these at 2 am at least once a week.  What would your husband do if you suddenly went into diabetic shock at 2 am? I can't believe that he would just sleep through it and do nothing!  Of course not.  He would get you juice or a tablet or call 911.  It is what any human being would do. 

The problem is that when it happens once or twice -- its no big deal.  But the diabetic's life is difficult.  Once their glucose levels get out of whack like that, it is difficult to get back into control.  I'm probably not telling you something you don't know.  But I wonder how your husband doesn't need to change his lifestyle "one iota".  When we went through one period like this -- I didn't sleep a full night for more than a month.  believe me, that changed my lifestyle.

Was I angry at Tom?  Yes,  did I really blame him?  I don't know - I recognize how difficult his life is.  But its really difficult being on the sidelines -- dealing with the consequences with no input into the activities that affect the outcome.  and yes, I got cranky and angry and lashed out.

I think in a nut-shell that may be what is  the core of some our laments on these blogs. 
We love our spouses, we are willing to help them -- knowing they have a terrible disease
but over time, they make decisions that have consequences that have big impacts on our lives
sometimes the impacts don't last long - one night of  sleep
sometimes the impacts lead to years of failing health and increasing care required
and sometimes the impacts are a changed person with emotional outcomes that become abusive to the spouse.

It becomes a very difficult life for some. 
These outcomes are difficult to foresee
but they are not the same for everyone.
They are not the only outcome for every diabetic

but if you are one of the people living with one of those diabetics
even for a short period of time
life can be awful!

 Support for the spouse - in terms of understanding the pain of (1) being treated poorly when you know the diabetic is suffering also (2) knowing your kids are being affected (3) knowing you married a person you loved -- for better or worse and in sickness and in health...

That's the type of support John and all of us are looking for.  We don't need someone to tell us how to give better shots, or encourage spouse when s/he is depressed about having diabetes, or how to tell strangers about his disease.  and yet, this is the type of support we often see offered by the main stream organizations.  I believe that this is the frustrations you may detect in our posts.

Hopefully this post has given you a different perspective on the subject.





Thank you for contributing to the conversation

Its great to hear from a different perspective