Tigo wrote to DW about falling in love with a diabetic and wondering about her future......
Dear DW
Hello! Thank God I found your blog, you have no idea how I wish I could
talk to someone who understands, not only understands but knows exactly
how I feel. I have met this amazing handsome guy, he is 34 and I am 28.
He is diabetic, diagnosed at the age of 19, applies 4 shots a day. We
have been going out for two months but we already feel very connected.
At our age we talk about a future together. At first I was really
excited at finding someone so special, but when my dad met him, he told
me the consequences of being with a diabetic and how this could be
inherited to my kids. It has kept me worried, and crying all the time, I
wish I could ignore diabetes, but I can't, firstly, I am worried my
kids might get it, and secondly, all of the things posted on your blog
are shocking, I am reaaaally into him, but my doubts keep coming and
coming....I just wanted to tell you how I feel, my relationship is
bitter sweet, and I can't imagine what my married life would be...any
words of wisdom or hope are helpful...I will pray for you and your
significant others..thanks for the opportunity.
.
So here is my response:
My type 1 diabetic husband, Tom, was diagnosed at age 21. Type 1 diabetes is still considered to be NOT an inherited disease while Type 2 is considered to be carried through DNA. But science isn't really clear about the causes of either. So before jumping to any conclusions, I recommend discussing this with him.
Second, it is true that you can not ignore the diabetes but you can face it. On blogs, we write out our frustrations and our fears -- typically we write out the worst case scenarios --because its the best place to put our pain. people who are happy tend to write about it less often -- they don't need to.
In my case, I have been married 25 years and my diabetic husband (who is almost 60) has none of the problems that DW's husband has. True we have had other problems over time -- he went through a period of denial, he is a terrible driver which is compounded by his occasional driving when having a low sugar.
these can be scary events. However, if you choose to continue a relationship with this "amazing, handsome, guy, you are going into it with way more knowledge than any us. Your dad is smart to advise you to be aware.
For what it is worth, my suggestion would be to start talking with your young man and your dad. Discuss what is on these blogs. Read other information -- as much as you can get your hands on. Read Michael Hoskins' blog - he is one my followers -- he is a compliant diabetic who is very understanding. If your young man is non-compliant and/or in denial, then yes, you may want to be very wary. However, if he is aware and takes care of himself, there is no reason you can't have a long happy healthy life with children with him.
Get more educated before making a decision!
Best wishes for getting through a tough time.
Tom's Wife
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First, thanks for the kind words. Opinions may differ on whether I'm "compliant" or not, but I am trying to do my best - whatever that may mean in the grand scheme. I do try to be understanding and live on the mantra of "Your Diabetes May Vary" - because everyone is different. You can find my blog, The Diabetic's Corner Booth, for more background without having it here, but my wife and I do want to start a family and the heredity is a concern. I'm the son of a Type 1 mom myself, who was diagnosed at age 5 just like me. So that's a very real possibility. But we aren't letting it control our lives or decision-making. Because in the end, D is not a death sentence despite all the challenges it may present. Feel free to reach out - I'm sure my wife would be happy to connect. Another resource would be Diabetes Mine and the "partner follies" they write about there. Good luck! Sounds like you have a great guy there!
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