My sister - my best friend
She had a very curable type of cancer 20 years ago
she had it removed and she "recovered"
she has been great ever since
today she got the results of her latest scan
and they found something
the doctor said it may be nothing
but it is scary
On days when I feel better this may not be so much
she sounds fine
but today I don't
remember my earlier posting where I feel fragile?
the thought going through my mind?
if I were to lose my dad, my sister, and my husband
Well, its just awful -- I can't even imagine...
this is incredibly sad
and I'm feeling overwhelmed
everyone around me thinks I'm really strong
that's what the people in my physical life say to me
they all believe that I'm the one who holds everything together
and honestly it helps me to get through the day to pretend sometimes
but I sat in my car and just cried for a bit
the good news is that I have started walking again and that helps
Spring! what a great time of year
but for some reason yucky stuff seems to keep happening
well, maybe that's just my sad mood
think I'll go for a walk
but today I don't
remember my earlier posting where I feel fragile?
the thought going through my mind?
if I were to lose my dad, my sister, and my husband
Well, its just awful -- I can't even imagine...
this is incredibly sad
and I'm feeling overwhelmed
everyone around me thinks I'm really strong
that's what the people in my physical life say to me
they all believe that I'm the one who holds everything together
and honestly it helps me to get through the day to pretend sometimes
but I sat in my car and just cried for a bit
the good news is that I have started walking again and that helps
Spring! what a great time of year
but for some reason yucky stuff seems to keep happening
well, maybe that's just my sad mood
think I'll go for a walk
Everyone says how strong I am too. But like you I don't always feel it. I have had countless drives home from work just bawling, trying to cry the stress and emotional exhaustion out. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteHave been reading your posts the past few days, and haven't had time to respond like I would like to. So sorry that so much seems to be going wrong for you (and now your sister) right now! Keeping you in my prayers and positive thoughts. Wish I could say or do more. Take the time to walk, and try to de-stress and take care of yourself right now.
ReplyDeleteSending a hug your way, and hope things go well for your sister,
Lilly
Tom's Wife,
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry. Sorry you have that feeling of the floor dropping out from under you. There is nothing worse than being in a free fall, with no control over anything.
I pray your sister will be okay. I've had those scares. Having to go on to a specialist only to (luckily) find it was a "shawdow" scar from radiation. Hopefully this will be the outcome with your sister.
On the strength issue: How God never gives us more than we can handle. Sometimes I believe God believes I'm stronger than I really am. I take the complement then cry Uncle!
Hang in there.
Love, S