Anonymity and Misunderstandings

Here is what Anonymous TX wrote to me:

After reading all the new posts...I got worried
that I had said something...but think I was hurt by the comment about you thinking my DH following me in the car was scary or creepy...
I meant it to be that he would try to drive in an diabetic alterted state and it would be scary for me not how you said it...or the way I took it....so I stopped posting for a few days to think about what I say before I write.
Well, I read your latest post and thought I had said something offensive...but I checked other posts and saw the anonymous post suggesting that we all leave our DH instead of complaining and I really was offended...we stay
or I do because I do love him in some way...and in the beginning it was totally different...we were happy and in love...now 40 years later and 27 years into diabetes.. it's different but as so many of you said...I won't leave for someone else to let him die...
and of course those wedding vows...I just am so thankful that I found a place where I can vent and be understood by 99% of everyone..and as for the post "why don't we leave"...to me that is someone who is NOT walking in our shoes...I need this site for daily sanity...I feel that some or you girls are worst off and some better than I but we are all in this boat and I have come to learn so much...especially that this disease has a heavy mental toll..not just a physical one...sure wish the DR's would see that side...that is the part that hurts so deeply...think I could stand the physical if only DH would appreciate a little more and show a little more kindness...know you all understand..and for that I thank GOD! Please keep posting...ignore those who are ignorant and continue to help those who understand the daily life with a DH....Thanks again for letting me vent....TX DW

and here is my response:
I am sorry if I said something that hurt your feelings or gave the impression that I was less than 100% supportive of you.
I can't speak for everyone -- but most of us wives do not judge each other
even when we are in different situations -- we understand....
we are looking for what you are looking for -- some kindness
a place to share -- to vent -- some sanity
we get judged every day and from just about everyone else
we don't want it here in this little corner of the cyberworld

we share ideas, we share feelings, we just share...
you are correct, I thought you were afraid of his following you in a creepy way
but the point of my other blog, was that even if he was in a bad/low insulin place
and got behind the wheel of a car -- I was so determined to make him responsible for his own actions that I would have hidden his keys and left anyway.
sometimes the only way to make these guys understand is shock therapy
(and not the Dr. Frankenstein version)
Not saying I was right - just that it was the moment in time for me!

One more comment on this issue that I feel I need to say. Some wives do leave their husbands. There are times when despite their love, and their caring, and everything that they have done to take care of that man they married so many years ago, they simply must go -- to protect themselves. That's ok too. There can be so many reasons for that -- We (at least me) don't judge that either. I have read some posts over the years where it sounds like the only alternative -- for all we know the husband was abusive before the diabetes which only made it worse, or the diabetes caused some brain damage that no one knows about and just can't be reversed. The wife simply has no alternative but to save herself -- and maybe her kids.

So, just to clarify -- NO JUDGEMENT! JUST SHARING!


if you ever, ever are hurt or confused -- let us know
its probably just because we didn't understand your words
its one of the challenges of black letters on white background
there is no nuance, no facial expression, no change in voice

clearly my words are often misunderstood
I like to think that I have a wry sense of humor
(whatever that means -- is that supposed to be rye?) ha ha
but it doesn't always come across

and yes, my first concern is always for my fellow wives
I kind of get defensive there - even though I have never met or spoken to a single one of you

and you, Anonymous TX, in particular - always identify which anonymous person you are.
I have missed your posts. I noticed.....
I believe that the Anonymous who sent that message to Lily is the same one who sent me and others a similar message. This person appears to be a mean coward OR is someone who truly does not understand our situation. Otherwise why use such harsh language?

After all of my words, please don't stop writing,
If I say something that hurts your feelings, or you don't understand,
PLEASE call me on it
it was probably just my rushing writing style

Take care everyone
lets keep the communication flowing
even if we misunderstand each other......

Tom's Wife