Labels, Leaving, On Notice...
Sigh...
I have been reading my friends posts and painfully remember a horrible period in our marriage not long ago when I was seriously considering leaving Tom

with a great deal of help, I changed my behavior -- I literally stopped enabling him
I stopped helping him
I stopped arguing
stopped asking about his meds
stopped asking about the tests
stopped everything

if he was low (which happened multiple times a day) I handed him some juice and left the house
even if it was the middle of the night
I just took a drive

I called in all my chips -- spoke to his brother, spoke to my sister, spoke to every friend I had
asked for the support I didn't know I had

it was just about the hardest thing I did

I remember one night when I left the house - it was February and freezing outside
I was absolutely certain that he would be dead when I returned

but I just forced myself to stay away from the house for two hours
amazingly, when I returned, he was fine
not just fine
but he had eaten, cleaned the kitchen, and was waiting for me

It has certainly not been perfect since then -- but it has been much better
I don't know what happened during those two hours -- we never discussed it
but I still don't help

I'll give him juice and walk away
I don't go to the doctor
I don't argue

if he wants to die -- he can
if he wants to be angry and yell at someone -- its not going to be me

He changed -- but so did I
I simply won't accept his entitled behavior anymore
25 years is enough

it has changed our relationship

of course it could change again
but I hope I can stick to my guns

none of us should have to accept it

but we have to change to
we have to figure out how to stand up and show them that we will not permit them to be whiners, dependents, in other words, be their moms

first we have to show them what we expect -- not with words but with actions
its not being mean or nasty
its being a self-respecting human being

this is not meant to say everyone should be like me
but I only learned this because a very smart person taught it to me
and it worked for me -- at least so far

hoping that someone else may get something to think about from my experience