So last night I tried to have a calm conversation about the recent lows
it didn't go well
he told me that he works hard to manage as close to 100 as possible
that's great -- I totally support that
neither of us wants the long-term impacts that we see in others
However, if he doesn't live through a low - it doesn't matter
during the conversation he told me that going low was just as bad as going high
I reminded him that he was at about 20 the other night
he actually said well, that's the same as being 300
!!@$&&
Well, maybe its because I was so tired
but I told him
that the next time he goes that low, I'll just walk out the door
and not save his life -- he asked me not to do that
he doesn't know when he is low
he can't help himself
if I hadn't come home
well, who knows
but maybe he wouldn't have come out of it that time
or when he is in the car and driving like a maniac because he has no control?
like the time he drove his car into a house?
or the wrong way on a highway entrance ramp?
I told him he needs to talk to someone - a nutritionist? -- who can help
or should he do more research on the internet?
in my opinion he does not eat enough
he has gotten very skinny
he is very picky in his food choices -- eats lots of salad
but not enough protein
and almost no bread or pasta or potatoes
oh, but chocolate -- he eats that
I know -- there are those of you out there who believe
i should be grateful that he watches what he eats
and I am
but we go through these cycles where he drops dangerously low
with increasing frequency
and when I say low -- I do mean low
I don't test him anymore
because that just takes time
and its unnecessary
I know I need to get sugar into him
and that is usually a fight
so doing the fight (helps increase the metabolism and the internal sugar)
and forcing sugar into him is the focus of the effort
but it takes so much out of me
and when its done, for him "oh, well, that's over, what's the big deal"
and he does say thank you
but I really don't think he has any idea what it does to me
I carry the effects in my head and in my heart for days
its a very heavy burden - sometimes it feels too heavy for me
Today I'm still there - feeling like its too much
and that he doesn't get it
that its just about him
and that he doesn't understand that I'm part of this
that I am supposed to save his life
multiple times throughout the years
happy 25th anniversary!
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If he is managing his sugar so well should he reduce the meds? Maybe not even be on meds? My hubby's readings are always high so I can't offer any advice other than reducing meds.
ReplyDeleteI don't order pills or put the pills in his pill keeper but all day I am saying, "did you take your pills, did you take your shot"...he takes pills and shots.
Good luck...the one time my hubby's was super low he was clammy and pale and disoriented...I got him an apple then he felt better...that was years ago...now it is always high. He gets frustrated but carries on. Good luck, my friend. HUGS
Sounds like a tough anniversary . . . so sorry. Sounds like your husband is very lucky to be alive with the driving mishaps. I do think there is such a thing as trying to stay too low. After my husband had some very scary "low" episodes (one of them when he was shopping by himself, passed out and hit the handle of the shopping cart with his mouth on the way down: blood everywhere, and he was still "out of it" when I got there about the same time as the ambulance . . . took several stitches to repair his lip. But what would have happened if he had gotten to his truck and tried to drive home?), his insulin pump was set at a "normal" rate of 140. Sometimes, he and I feel this is too high, but there always seem to be trade-offs. Trying to always stay at 100 does not leave a lot of leeway, as you well know, and the fights when the lows happen are just AWFUL. Like you, I feel devastated for days afterwards. Sending my support and prayers to you tonight . . . take care.
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