So, one of our sisters wrote:
Why....everyday...LOW...can't he remember hs is diabetic and needs to eat...HELP...I just don't how much more I can take...this is every day....I worry when he leaves in the car...I worry when I am not home with him...I worry when he goes out of town for work...HELP... He thinks I make all this up...yet he is shakey, clammy, unresponsive...until I feed him then 15 minutes later I am the one who makes all this up....OHG...any sugggestions from my wiser sisters
I don't believe that I am "wiser" but certainly I have been there
Learning how to not worry is THE hardest thing to do
something someone told me once SHOCKED me but helped me
I'll try to put it in words
when I worry so much, I'm trying to control him and the situation
and look at that in the "bad" way
like I think I'm better than him and I can control things better than anyone else
the truth is that I cannot
Its between him and his higher power -- whatever that is
when I think of it that way, I am humbled
and actually feel a little bad about myself
and the truth is -- it is his disease
if I GIVE him control he does it
if I let him give me control he gets lazy
does this make sense?
so I work hard at giving him back control
when he gets low, I put sugar in front of him and walk out the door
when things calm down and he is "sane" again
I will talk to him calmly
tell him -- do you really want me to repeatedly save your life?
because I don't want to do that!
when I can't "walk out the door" I walk out in my head
I go to another room and work really hard to focus on something else
this is not easy --
personally I am 25 years into this
but I keep trying to train myself
my mantra is "it is not my job, it is not my job, it is not my job"
PLEASE don't think I am criticizing you for one tiny second!
this is MY experience and I only offer it as a suggestion
I will be interested in your response - so let me know
But, you asked.......
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AMEN and that is why I shared that I don't call in or organize hubby's pills...it is HIS disease I have my own...that was huge for us...I was making myself ill over managing HIS disease and I guess i enabled him...I am not a cold hearted snake I do nag, I mean ask him if he took his pills and shot, remind him to, and carry his shot in my purse when we go some place...but yes...I try to get him to OWN his condition otherwise it seems I am enabling him to have me control it and that's more than I want to have responsibility for and that is why I hate this pain pill altered personality hubby but I sure hate to think he is in pain...we are screwed... lol...oh yeah...sense of humor...essential for saving our sanity. cha cha cha.
ReplyDelete"if I GIVE him control he does it
ReplyDeleteif I let him give me control he gets lazy"
You hit the nail on the head with this comment. If I have control, he blames me for everything/anything because I should be doing it. I have weaned my self out of control. Somenights it's still my fault that his pill are in the container, or he ran out, or whatever, but i have learned to "remind" him that he is an adult. I have 4 actual kids i need to take care of.
Thanks!!
Oh I am trying..."it's not my problem"...but then whos? The kids have their own life.. it's not fair to them..I, like you, have been at this for 25 years...seems like the anger from him and between us is getting worse..I have a head cold so I moved to another room so he could get a good nights sleep...well 5 a.m. he was yelling out...another LOW...(that's 5 in the last four days)...called DR...said he may be getting a resistance to the insulin...what next? HELP...thanks for the sites regarding mental effects...and the others...keeps me somewhat sane...now I plan to sleep...I need peace...please keep comments coming....this site has been a blessing to me..thanks to ya'll and I take negatives from all the advise...only look for something that will help. Thanks to ya'll for long needed support. I am not crazy..but feel desperate.. looking forward to responses...THANK YOU ALL!
ReplyDeleteoops...that is I take NO negatives from the adivse.....sorry...please keep responding and advising...I feel for the first time like I have a place to be myself...thanks
ReplyDelete