reading other blogs and comments I want to comment back
but I am SO TIRED!
example....
traveling every week since the first of February and two more weeks to go
traveling for work sounds fun
just got back from Vegas - sounds fun, huh?
well, I was at 7 am breakfasts and didn't get back to my room until about midnight each night
spent ALL day with business colleagues -- some I knew some I didn't
everyone wanted to be "my friend" -- because they want to sell stuff to my company
they have no idea -- or maybe they do
but the reality is that I have no power -- even if I wanted to -- I couldn't grant their wish
sometimes they are nice people -- sometimes, not so much
I don't gamble, don't drink with people I don't know well, and the food wasn't that great
this was not relaxing -- by the way, I had to keep up with my work at home at the same time as trying to keep up with what was going on at the conference sessions
this is not fun -- its hard work!
I came home exhausted
fortunately Tom didn't push me too much for two nights -- but this morning?
9 am he started screaming -- really? touched his leg, soaked in sweat,
I got out of bed, got him an OJ -- handed it to him and went to walk the dog
when I got back he was up but slurring his words and couldn't get his clothes on
I got him another glass of OJ and walked downstairs to read the paper
this is REALLY hard but I just need to walk away
he came downstairs and wanted to know if we were going to our "regular" Sunday breakfast place
fast forward -- all is fine -- but I am still tired -- the weekend is over and I'm tired
my sister is terrific and I shared this with her
but really she doesn't get it
she tells me these are my decisions
that I can only do so much
that his decisions are his and my decisions are mine
she has challenges with her husband and is learning to stand on her own
is trying to figure out how to "give" him responsibility for his own decisions
and wants me to do the same
I get that
but is being a jerk the same when you blame it on ADHD as when you blame it on an insulin reaction?
for some reason I think its different
I don't know of people dying from ADHD
I do know about people dying from insulin lows
her husband has always treated her badly (in my opinion)
my husband only does it when he is super low in sugar
does it matter?
I would appreciate some comments from my fellow diabetes spouses
to me survival issues are different than a****le issues
but maybe its because I'm selfish
then again maybe I'm just so tired............
isn't that a theme for me?
tired/?????
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Laughing at your "survival issues are different over a****le issues." Took me a minute. Although I know it is anything but funny when the yelling starts. For me, it is sometimes so hard to sort out. With my husband, if he is aware and functioning enough to scream at me, I feel safe to walk out of the house and leave him for the moment, as he is still capable and mobile enough to eventually figure it out, and fix what's wrong on his own. Unfortunately, when he starts screaming, it may be because of low blood sugar, extremely high blood sugar, or his anxiety issues, so I can't just pour him some juice. If only I could! However, if he is goofy, barely moving, and/or breaking out in a cold sweat, I don't dare leave him until he has something sweet (juice or otherwise) in him, as he is incapable of getting anything for himself at that point. The anxiety-related meanness has calmed down considerably since he is (finally) on the right dose of meds, on a daily basis. I have threatened to leave him if he goes off them again!
ReplyDeleteHoping you can get some much-needed rest tonight. Everything is so much harder when you are exhausted!
Take care,
Lilly
I learned that when the hubby is in a low reaction, if I don't keep my cool, then he gets mad. I remember one time he was yelling at me and I couldn't understand why until I figured out he was low (before CGM days) once he came up, I said, do u even know what you just said to me? He had no idea...
ReplyDeleteMy two-cents: an a$$hole is different than a diabetic out of kilter. I don't think there is any way your sister could understand this difference if she is confusing enabling with possibly saving your DH from going in to a coma.
ReplyDeleteIn her defense, how could she? It seems like she is unhappy and perhaps just trying to gather support to deal with her sistuation. I don't see how the same plan of action would work on both of your husbands. I wish she was more supporting.
From what you wrote you had quite the week. It sounded like a nightmare. I hope the week ahead is good to you.
S
Before we heard the diagnosis "diabetic" my husband was kind of a selfproclaimed @$$hole...lol I am not kidding. It was like i am six years younger and the "nice" one and he is the older Viet Nam vet @$$hole. He was a teacher and a coach for years and then administrated VP to P to superintendent of a school district before retiring and then we ran a diner...so as a boss he could get away with being the @$$hole kind of...boss means bossing...any who...he is direct etc...yes, i saw the rants and rages during those years and have kind of forgotten about them since he really does not have those kind of outbursts anymore since retiring and health declining...he does not have lows, but more so highs...although just this past week he is really experiencing better readings after endo upped his night insulin...so my point...I know my hubby prides himself at times about being an @$$hole but there is a difference...and I think it is the irrational factor...the irrational behavior that has your head spinning wondering what the heck just happened...that I believe is the out of control behavior that might not be controlled...the times they do seem to not remember and are more remorseful about than the "I am an @$$hole times" Make any sense? of course at the @$$hole timing of any of it it is pretty darn hard to sort it...it usually happens upon reflection.
ReplyDeleteOk...not sure if I made it clear...HUGS