Where do I start?
The terrific dinner we had?
The 6 am glucose reading of 30 on the morning I was to speak at my first international conference?
or the very best,
Driving home at the end of 10 days away
after 20 hours of travel, he swore he tested in the bathroom before he got in the car to drive home in the middle of horrible rush hour traffic (yes, you are guessing correctly)
we are in the left lane of a 6 lane interstate
I suddenly realize that he is truly incapable of driving
gently I talk him into pulling across all of the lanes of traffic to get off at the next exit
but no, he screams that this is a terrible exit
it will take us way out of our way (like I care at this point)
he pulls onto the shoulder
slams out of the car (practically hitting another car in the exit lane in the process)
I thought he was going to walk into oncoming traffic -- probably gave more than one driver a scare!
but he got out and let me drive from there
but did he "just let me drive" ?
No! He screamed at me for the next 10 minutes
I was doing everything wrong
you know the score
I took the wrong route
I used the wrong lane
I drove too fast
I drove too slow
you get it
It was such a nerve wracking ending to vacation
was it worth it?
I just don't know
and, did he apologize?
of course not!
but he does know
He did say thank you
I'm not sure what he was thanking me for
I'm so tired right now
and I just got back from vacation!!!!!
And yet, how can I complain
I didn't go through what DW is going through
I had a great vacation!
what kind of person am I?
maybe its just a bad day
but today I just want to cry
its just too hard
I don't want to do it anymore
I think I'm going to bed.....
Tom's Wife
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It is hard to feel good when your spouse is acting irrationally...I have been there but it has been a long time now...for whatever reason my hubby has been very easy to be around lately and I am thankful, but there were many times over the years when the out of syncness had me wondering what the heck was going on...until I realized that he was being irrational and I felt like I was in the middle of a major mindgame and I was not winning, or ending up in a tie.
ReplyDeleteWhen we deal with irrational behavior...it is hard to make sense of it and feel as if you have a clue.
Glad you had good times on vacation, but I hear ya. Sometimes it is just too hard.
I think for me, my hubby is at a peaceful place lately and it makes it easier to deal with...HUGS and LOVE, to one of my sisters in this much needed support group.
What a way to end a vacation! I hope your speech went well and that can be what you remember.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you had to go through this, and I'm sure it wasn't the first time. I have had so many scares with my husband that I literally will not get in the vehicle and let him drive if we are more than 10 or 15 minutes away from our destination. He used to get very angry about this, but doesn't fight me anymore on it, as he knows I will not even get in the car!
ReplyDeleteAs for "just letting me drive," that rarely happens. Your description fits to a T what happens when we try to go anywhere. Everything I do is wrong, and the screaming seems to go on forever . . . or maybe I just remember it forever, and he doesn't! Because of this, we have not been on any long trips together for years, as I just can't do it anymore. Makes me sad, but the alternative just tears me apart.
I really do feel for you! At least you can let it all out and vent here. I think we wives all need to do that just to maintain our own sanity, as traveling with our diabetic hubbies can feel so insane and horribly stressful at times. Be good to yourself, and know that you did nothing wrong! Take the time to do something nice for yourself. Sounds like you need it right now. Sending a hug your way . . . take care.
It amazes me that there are really other people that go through EXACTLY what I do!! I have learned, when i drive and DH comments on anything, I just whip out my license and say... See this, it says I know how to drive!! I love the rides that he actually falls asleep and I can just pretend I am alone with the music.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you. I can just picture me drive on the highway and seeing this happening. Every other passerby would think it was just a "fight" but WE sisters know the truth! :)
Glad at least your vacation was good.
Stay Strong!!
Wow...been right there with you!!! What to do??
ReplyDeleteAnyone want to discuss the mental effects of diabetes on the diabetic as well as wife??? There is really no information (as far as I have found) and would really like to know what "others" think...
My hubby had a bad low while driving, (just before he got his CGM) I was on the phone with him, trying to desperately convince him to pull over and he was just to out of it. Ended up having a bad car accident and the police and EMT's calling me.(I was on and off the phone with him) the most horrifying situation !!!
ReplyDelete