Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Struggling to Write

I have thought many times recently of writing.
but don't know where to start.

Life has been very interesting
I miss my dad SO MUCH!
My mom is a rock and someone I admire more than ever
work is going better than expected
Tom -- well we had a little scare with a bad test - but it resolved itself and he is fine
a cousin was just diagnosed with a brain tumor and the prognosis is quite grim

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster
good stuff, bad stuff
maybe its related to weather
freezing cold with sleet
then bright sunny skies almost 60 degrees!

I'm too old for these swings
or something
its scary

I noted something in Lilly's blog about how other people judge
I remember so clearly thinking to myself (many years ago)...
How can I leave him because he is ill?
what would people think?
what would I think?
such a horrible judgement...
leave someone due to illness?
we as a society just don't comprehend
with all of the talk about mental illness and guns in the media
we still just don't understand so much
there are many medical issues that impact behavior
what is the cause and effect?
just because our medical industry can't pinpoint the stuff, does that mean it doesn't exist
or that it is something other than real?

See?  I start thinking too much
and now I'm exhausted
I just want to sleep
lots of sleep
I'm overwhelmed with too much to think about

maybe its my mental illness?