Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Quick Post Thanksgiving Comment

We survived another Turkey Day!
good stuff and bad
frustrating and great!
highs and lows
but we are all still here
and so are our diabetic husbands
and hopefully everyone got a bit of sleep!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

For the first time that I can ever remember, I am not working this week.
It is fantastic!
I get to be home (or whatever) doing whatever I want and planning dinner all by myself!
It may be the only time I ever get to do this but really it is a gift

We are having a small group on Thursday -- 8 people
for this too I am grateful -- my parents, one sister, and 3 friends.
I am preparing exactly what I want, I have the time to do exactly as I wish
I get to use the china and silver I received at my wedding
can't remember last time that happened!

the house is mine during the day so I get to just do things in my way!
no one correcting me or asking why


I'm sorry for others who are not so blessed this year
I am soaking in it because, as I said, this feels like a once in a lifetime chance

In the evenings when he is home, Tom is not taking care of himself
he has the monitor -- but for some reason -- he is not using is properly

last night, I was watching him trying to cut vegetables 
he couldn't hold the knife properly and it was scary to watch
but, you know, sometimes all you can do is watch with breath held

I asked about his "sugar number"  -- our new code word
after fumbling for several minutes he looked at it  and said 40
well, really it couldn't have been 40 because he would have been passed out on the floor
but he sure was low
so I asked him if he was going to have some juice
"ok, in a minute after I finish this"


after you cut your finger off?

I had to leave the room

its so tiring

of course, he finished what he was doing, drank some juice and was just fine
later asking me why I get so upset
he has it all under control   :| 

so today -- alone again --
I am a happy girl

he can take over when he gets home at night
I think by then I'll be upstairs in bed reading my romance novel.
or something......

I wish everyone could have a few days like mine
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Big Catch-up

Its funny how I have come to think of the people on this blog as my friends.
I know I have not been writing much lately, but neither have others.
Lilly -- did you ever hear from Sandy?
maybe she got tired of us old people?
I want to know how Lynn Barry's book is doing
we haven't heard from Sugar or Raging in a bit
and there are a couple of anonymous members who frequently comment ---
but maybe its because I'm not writing

Anyway --
here is my update

Tom is doing OK
he has a new monitor, and it helps
but its not perfect and this past weekend we had a bad event that I'm still trying to process

My sister was giving a party and I was helping her
I was preparing a complicated dish on Saturday and things weren't going well
he was off doing his own thing -- which is fine -- but when he got home he started bothering me in the kitchen and just being in the way -- this is unusual behavior for him
I was distracted and just got angry at him -- told him to go away

a bit later I looked up and really looked at him and in a glance could tell his sugar was low
so I asked -- what does the monitor say?
after a hesitation, he said 170
I asked 70 or 170?
he said 170.
I didn't believe him but what can I do?

I requested that he take some juice and go away and leave me alone
(for those who aren't familiar with this scenario -- I wasn't being mean just matter of fact)
He started yelling but I got him out of the kitchen and let him yell in another room
(oh and I broke down and gave him a glass of OJ -- I almost didn't but I just couldn't deal with EMTs or whatever)

so later we went to the party -- in one car -- its only ten minutes away -- he was fine by then
I told him I was upset because he lied to me and that I also get upset when he puts me in the position of having to treat him like a child.  (I had taken his car keys away from him -- don't want him killing anyone else when he is so low).  it is unfair of him and he gets mean.  so he pulls the poor pitiful me routine -- he is sorry but doesn't like it when I treat him like that and he is angry with himself. blah blah blah

Then, the party is full swing - and he says he is tired and going home.  he will come back and get me when I call him.  what can I say but ok?  so he left -- he has never really done that before.

When I called him there was no answer and I assumed he was already asleep
my sister drove me home
he was asleep and didn't wake up when I got home.

Part of me thinks this is all fine -- but part of me has hurt feelings because he was so detached from me and all that occurred. 

Sunday he seemed a little more engaged -- more normal -- but Saturday -- it was that detached attitude that was so bothersome to me....

Oh well, another day in the life of a diabetic spouse
nothing else to do but move on
it is what it is
and now on to Thanksgiving...........

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Tom's New Monitor

I may have mentioned that Tom has a new monitor
its not perfect -- he has to "calibrate" often
and we know it is not accurate yet
but its better than nothing

last week -- its showed that he was lower than he really was
it said 57 and we knew he wasn't that low
but he was low
and that was the issue

then today he was low and he kept telling me that the monitor was telling me he was between 95 and 110
I was really busy with lots of other things including my parents, my sister and my niece
but I knew he wasn't that high

a few arguments and glasses of juice later
he was fine

but here is what bothered me

he hid his juice drinking and chocolate eating
why does he need to hide that?
does he think I care?
that he is a bad person because he needs to eat sugar?

I know if I ask he will say he wasn't hiding it
but facts are facts....

Thursday, November 10, 2011

I'm Tired - But that is old news

I spent the last 5 days at a major conference in my industry.  It is a very different experience to do that representing just yourself and not a big company.  I am exhausted!  This morning I am trying to figure out what to do.  I know that should be writing follow up letters and grasping to create work from the people I just met.  But honestly I'm wondering if it is going to work.  and tired -- oh, I just said that.

Fortunately, Tom took care of himself while I was gone.  but then again, he always does.  he waits until I'm home again to "slip up". But maybe this time he won't.  He got a new monitor and he tell me that he is happy with it. 

You and I know that we always have to take his words with a touch of salt -- but optimism is my middle name -- so here is hoping. 

It appears that our little group has been busy -- not posting much.
Not sure if that's good or not - but it is that time of year!

on one hand, it is easy to get distracted and yet it is also easy to get stressed to the max

I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year
haven't even started thinking about what to buy!

Maybe I'll take a nap today!