Friday, December 25, 2009

not sure which is worse?

Is it worse for him to pretend that everything is fine when he hits 35 and 40 lows? or for him to be worried about it? Hard to answer.

We are in a hotel for a few nites while visiting his mother for Christmas and the last two nites he has gone way low. For some reason I slept through it and he woke up and took care of himself. Very great for me even if very unusual. But it has him worried. Very unusual. And unnerving!

Then again, is he going to discuss with his doctor? probably not -- said its just part of the disease and nothing the doc can do about it. Really?

Then there is his mother -- I think you know how I feel about her. Well, first we heard lectures about taking care of him. Then about how important it is for him to eat at least 3 balanced meals a day. (Remember he is 56 years old!) Then you won't believe what she served for Christmas dinner! It was a carbohydrate feast! smoked turkey, yeast rolls, corn, baked apples, potatoes, sweet carrots, shrimp dumped in ketchup sauce! not a green to be seen. when Tom asked if we were having veggies she was offended and said that's what the carrots and corn were. If he really wanted something she could make something special for him but she hadn't planned on it and wasn't sure what she had in the house and everything else was already ready and everyone would have to wait. This is the woman who accuses me of not taking care of him because I don't ask him 20 times a day what his glucose reading is. This is the woman who accused me of trying to kill him because he had a car accident when he was low and I was still asleep in bed at 6 oclock in the morning. And that's what she fixes for dinner when she knows he is coming! OH! and by the way how many times does she remind us that when she went to college she majored in nutrition! OMG!

Can you tell we've been in her presence for two days now and I'm at my limit? I know I should act more mature and let her comments roll off my back, but she still knows how to press every single one of my buttons. She is so annoying it makes these few days a year the toughest. I try to distance myself by moving to another part of the house but truly! she follows me around to be near me! What is that? Tom says it annoys him also, but its his mother and what's he supposed to do. I get that, really. but she is not my mother and distance is the only thing i can tolerate. why won't that work?

some of you may think i am being harsh here, but i have 25 years of stories that you would not believe about this woman and her incredibly selfish ways. i'm not going into them here now because it doesn't matter, suffice it to say that if you ever watched "Everybody Loves Raymond" and found Ray's mother to be annoying, that's my mother in law, but mines worse. And I am probably not as nice as the character of Ray's wife. fortunately we don't have kids to fight about, just Tom's health issues. And, I won't fight with her. I just try to walk away. but for these two or three days a year when I am stuck in this city, where there is absolutely nothing to do because everything is closed for Christmas (ARGH!) I'm stuck. A couple of hours begged off in the hotel room is the only peace I get today.

A few more hours then I can go home. For another year. I can't wait.

DW, hope your calm at-home holiday season is continuing to be nice for you.
I hope your husband isn't in too much pain and that you had a really nice day.

For everyone else who is reading this, if your Christmas is as stressful as mine, remember, its only a few days. That's my mantra. If its a great holiday, treasure every minute

A new year is coming, I'm looking forward to a great one.

Tom's Wife.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I Know This is Supposed to be Fun

My poor husband -- so many lines to walk between and not get caught

He is upset because his glucose readings are not steady at 100 -- when I ask he says its ricocheting around up to about to about 250 and down to about 50. Please understand, that he worries less about the lows than what he perceives to be the "highs". From what I have read, 250 on an occasional basis is not a high to worry about. I have a healthy pancreas (I actually test myself quite frequently now) and my own sugar levels range from about 80 to 200 -- the 200 being right after a carb-filled meal of course. when he goes low, he always tells me its going up -- even if its not. We have had several recent scary driving events again. I hear you -- don't get in the car with him. But its not usually happening when we are home. we are already out, frequently in the car with him behind the wheel before I understand what is going on. He says it comes on that fast -- it may be true but then again it may be that he is fooling himself and me. I don't know. each time I think he is paying better attention and we are on a better path, well, it isnt.

And now we are with the in-laws. or more specifically, his mother. GEEZ, what can I say, between the crying and the sighing, and yelling, and the passive aggressive comments zinging around its enough to make anyone crazy. And you wonder why I only subject myself to this two days a year. Even that pushes my patience to its extreme. Isn't this the time when we are supposed to WANT to be together? I really enjoy my brother in law, his wife and their two kids. If it was just us and them, this would be great. But the mother in law and other crazies -- well its just a lot.

Its not that my family is so great, but for the most part I've learned to deal with it and I just remove myself from situations with them that I dislike. No matter how much I dislike this, my husband asks me to put up with this -- he says I should do it for his mother. I tell him I do it for him. I owe nothing to the woman who has accused me of so many thing including trying to kill him. She is a truly selfish person - one of the most selfish I have come across in my 50+ years of living -- and it is painful to watch what she does to the members of the family who let her do it.

Its only today and tomorrow though, I can do that......

then two days home, and then work again!!!

Oh Joy!

Something in 2010 has to change -- I need a break -
on the other hand, I am grateful for what we do have:

we both have good paying jobs (compared to so many who lost theirs)
We have strong savings accounts
Both of us are relatively healthy
we have family and friends who love us
we really still love each other (most of the time) :)
We have the opportunity to find like-minded people through outlets like this blog to share frustrations and feel like we are not being judged

I am truly grateful for all of the people in my life who make these "things" possible
and to DW and all the others who read this, despite my frequent grumpiness, this is my outlet after all, I hope you have an opportunity to look back on 2009 and can find some things to be grateful for also.

Tom's Wife

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Holidays - the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Note to DW, I am so pleased to read that you are having a peaceful season. After the year you have had you certainly deserve it.

Me. Where to start?

Well, we got record snow yesterday - so we were in the house all day
We went out about every hour to shovel the latest few inches of show from the driveway
With close to 16 inches it was a lot!
but very pretty!

Inside, we worked on a project -- I was very enthusiastic -- Tom less so
it was fine.

It would be better if he just either left me alone or trusted that I knew what I was doing.
He helped, but his grumbling and delays could have been avoided.

Our Christmas plans are to go to the in-laws out of town
I enjoy 4 out of the 10 of the people who will be there
I have a very difficult time with a couple of the people who will be there
therefore, it is not something I anticipate with good feelings
staying home would be MUCH preferable

This is all on top of some very very stressful work lately
I think that because the work issues have taken over so much of my waking hours lately
there just hasn't been much time to address anything else

Tom has clearly been struggling with his pump and his device that is supposed to monitor his glucose --- but its been keeping him high rather than low -- so it hasn't had much direct impact on me other than his bad mood. Maybe this doesn't say much about me, but at least I'm not aware of what's going on so much -- he keeps it to himself.

There you go!! That's me in a nutshell!

Happy Holidays everyone one
Next year will certainly be different than 2009
Tom's Wife

Monday, December 7, 2009


I must have it really great.
My mother appreciates honesty -- apparently my mother in law does not
I suggest to my husband that he discuss the plans for Christmas with her
And he is afraid -- if he is honest, she may get upset because if he says the wrong thing it will hurt her feelings and she will cry

Wow! Can't we just ask what the plans are and offer to help and make it easier for all of us?

Last year The two days before Christmas were fine but Christmas Day was absolutely awful
we are trying to make plans and offering to help but geez, if he is this scared of her -- at almost 60 years old -- well, I just don't know


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Would you believe Dogs?

You must go to this website!
I plan to do more research
There was an NPR report about a UK version of this program
and that led me to this program in California
It appears to really work!

Can you imagine a dog "nagging" your spouse instead of you having to do it?
wouldn't that be fabulous?

I am totally intrigued!!!!!