Saturday, October 23, 2010

Welcome Crazy Wife

We have another blogger who has joined our ranks and I would like to welcome her with open arms.

"Crazy Wife" is now one of our followers -- I encourage you to follow her also.

Personally I would like to offer as much support as I can
No, you are not crazy,
yes, you loved the man you married
often that is not the man you see in front of you
some days will be fabulous
other days will be horrible
there are no "rights" or "wrongs"
just days

If I have helped at all, I am glad, and that encourages me to go on
I started my blog in part due to the fact that there really is no public support for our position -- the organizations set up to help the diabetics refuse to recognize our plight -- they believe we are wrong to complain

take my word for this -- I have been down that path many times and it makes me very angry

When I found the blog Diabetic Wife, I felt like I had found the first person on the planet who understood me. If I could figure out how to expand this to a lot more people I would.

But as we know, it has to start one step at a time.

OK, off my soapbox, on with my day.

Take Care, "Crazy Wife", we are supporting you.

good luck.

Tom's Wife.

October 2010

Its mid October and life continues in its "normal" ups and downs
Tom says he is fine but has had quite a few lows in the past several weeks
Always right before dinner

On my part, I've been angry with him
No one big thing -- just lots of little things that build up over time
so when he says mean things and refuses to take care of himself
well, I just feel like breaking

Honestly I have felt so lonely lately
My dad's illness has taken him away from me
his cancer is in remission and he says he wants to talk like we used to
but he just isn't up to it anymore
he is always tired, and at 85, he just doesn't feel good most of the time
I've realized that my dad has been my life anchor and
even though he is still in my life, the anchor is floating in the water
no longer dug into the deep sand under the water
mooring me to the ground

And now that he isn't there, I recognize that Tom doesn't provide the same source of support
Its different and at almost 55 years old, I should get it
I should know that he is not my father, he is my husband
he is a different type of anchor -- and there are moments when I really do know that
but then he acts like a human being and does things that hurt my feelings
not intentionally, but hurtful nonetheless

I used to have walls up to protect myself from the hurt
but that led to other problems
like a 100-pound weight gain
now that I have lost 70 of those 100 pounds
I feel the hurt more
At least this is how I explain it to myself

there are days that are really challenging
and others, not so much

His diabetes adds a layer of complication that only other wives can understand
and I speak of wives in this case, because I really am talking about the general behavior differences between men and women
Its just different -- not better or worse -- just different

so that is my musing for today
I hope that when you read this you will take a moment for yourself
and just take a deep breath
take one minute for yourself and let us all
try to figure out how to be our own anchors
because at the end of the day,
who else can we really depend on?

when you have the chance, rest well.
Tom's Wife

Friday, October 8, 2010

Who to trust...... Not the medical Industry.....

It appears that Neil's wife provided these comments:

We as a family have researched the behavioral issue regarding diabetes. Of course it varies from obesity caused by oevereating to too little insulin. The. We have seen behavioral issues with obesity and that is not limited to diabetes. But in the case of diabetes a lot of factors can come into play. If it is truly lack of insulin and not obesity, then once the diabetic has adequate insulin and monitors the bloood sugar to keep the blood sugar normal the behavioral issues will go away and the sense of joy will return to his or her life. Too little insulin can alos lead to depression, but insulin can pop the diabetic right ouot of depression. You will not see this immediately but given six months great changes will take place. Too little insulin will have an impact on the frontal lobe that helps control things like anger.

One day Neil decided what the doctors had been telling him represented nothing but hogwash. He spent four years studying every day about diabetes from a pure scientific standpoint as oppposed what makes the drug company, the hospitals and the doctors the most profitable. Neil discovered that only a very small percentage are like him where virtually no insulin is made. neil has been a diabetic for 40 years and tells every diabetic that lots of exercise and a good nutritional diet will go a long way toward improving the diabetic condition, which in turns brings greater happiness. When he sees someone that is diabetic and weights 100 pouhnds too much he just shakes his head in despair. Neil did not run into trouble because he ate too much or did not monitor his blood sugar and take insulin properly, he ran into trouble by allowuing a doctor to give him an injhected drug. He passed out in 15 seconds. He then went on a tail spin ride that ended up nearly destroying his kidneys because of the drug, he had dementia symptoms and serious ones for several weeks, and his his heart was in major trouble. Anyone who really knew him pretty mch agreed the drug must have caused some brain damage too. He went completely blind for quite some time, and now is left with very blurry vision. How is sopposed to do custer servoce work if he can not read the computer screen. His vision can seem to improve then can switch back to a blur within an hour or less. He can go to bed seeing clearer and then wake up to a complete blur. We have found studies of children who have had brain damage due to an accident or disease, and they experience the same thing. We believe the drug caused brain damage. On the other hand, we are seeing a steady improvement with many set backs. We hope for his full recovery. He jokes the doctors did this on purpose to shut him up because he is so critical about the care of diabetics. His Niece died from diabetes and so did his mother. Those two deaths lit his fire, and he believes too little is done for diabetics. In many cases, diet, exercise and the forgotten element counseling should all be part of diabetic treatment. I hope you enjoyed these comments.

Thank you, Neil's Wife. No one is more suspicious of the Medical Industry than I am. What happened to Neil is horrible and goes to show how we -- as spouses -- cannot ever let up our vigilance if we want to keep our diabetics alive.

I'll provide my little story -- not nearly so dramatic -- but also a lesson about not trusting "medical professionals" Tom went to the hospital for shoulder surgery. This was quite awhile ago and he was very healthy and had really prepared for the surgery in terms of making sure that his diabetes was in control before the surgery. (good for him!)

But after the surgery, he was in a great deal of pain and they were giving him morphine (of course). The surgeon wanted to send him home because this was supposed to be out-patient surgery; but his endo-doc had requested it be overnight because of the diabetes. So they had put him in a room somewhere while they decided and hooked him up to an I.V. I asked what the IV was and the nurse said glucose.

WHAT!!!!!!!! I asked if they had tested his glucose since he had diabetes and she looked at me as if I was speaking in a foreign language that she didn't understand. She looked at the chart and said "Oh, I have to go ask the doctor" and left the room.

they had to get a "tech" to come in and test his sugar! who said it was around 500 but that was normal after surgery. I demanded that they take him off the glucose and the nurse said she would have to ask the surgeon. The surgeon had left the hospital by this time.

Needless to say, I was very upset by this time. I called his endo-doc and asked him to intervene. He called and got things worked out. Got Tom off of glucose, onto Saline, got him checked in for overnight and everything else. At around 11 that nite, they insisted that I leave. I have to tell you that I didn't want to go -- I was certain he would die in that hospital where nurses didn't even know what diabetes was. But I left, he was ok, and we learned a lot.

But it is a warning - as if you needed another one -- that you need to take control. You can't trust, you know what's going on. You live it every day - they don't.

Good Luck,
Tom's Wife

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Read the Comments

Neil - I know I speak for many of us on this site who feel horrible for you and your plight
It is what we work so hard to prevent with our spouses
If I knew how to help, I would -- unfortunately, I don't
Maybe someone else has an idea

As for those of us struggling to be the partner -- well, that's what we are here to talk about
We all work so hard every day -- at so many things
We need each other

so today, I am here to say thank you to my fellow "wife"s
carry on and sleep well

Tom's Wife

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Second Try - Help from Sources

Don't know my computer shot that little note out without waiting for the rest??...

While it is often the little things that add up to create a big ball of anger in me, it is also the little things of niceness that build up to a create one small nice thing to just melt it away. Last week, All of Tom's little things were perceived as mean and selfish and hurtful. The final straw(s) was another little thing - but it hurt nonetheless.

But I think the nice stuff - from a friend (just like DW says) -- was probably just as small - but also built on a bunch of other small things.

"Just Little Me" suggest a CGE device (I think that's what she calls it) she is probably describing a monitoring device that looks like another cell phone attached to his belt and, using radio signals to a chip placed under the skin in his arm, monitors the sugar in his skin in regular intervals over the course of the day.

Tom has had one and in concept it is a wonderful idea. Until now insurance has been very good at paying for them all, but they are very expensive and Tom has had 3 or 4 in six months and they have all broken. He is currently 3 months into waiting 6 months for his next device. (he is back to the finger stick method.. The science is not quite there. and we worry that at any moment the insurance company is going to tire of paying the bills - and then what?

That's my wrap up for this morning. hopefully this will be a better week for one and all.
Tom's Wife

Help From Different Sources

Thanks to kind words from a lot of places this Saturday is much better than last.