Friday, September 23, 2011

Tom's Doing Better

Well, the update is that Tom is doing much better.
It is clear that the pump was not working properly.
Since he received the new one, I don't think he has gone low

He is also actively pursuing getting his new monitor that synchs with the pump
Of course, it is necessary for me to continue to nag him

I HATE that!
but its better than being in the hospital or police station with him
I guess we have to choose our battles

back to my old saying:  I hope everyone gets a good night sleep tonight
its been a long time since Tom has woken me in hte middle of the night
I'm grateful
but for those of you who have a middle of the night low guy
hang in there
things will change

not sure how
but they will change

good night

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I Love Comments

It is very great to receive comments from my on-line friends
Truly you guys get it, even when others don't

Here is Tom's update

Every night since the car incident, he has gone low in the evening
the other night after he recovered, I sat him down and looked him in the eye and said
stop, this is not ok
I am trying to help, not hurt
but he cannot leave me to deal with this like this

his response?  "I'm going to the doctor next week"
me:  Monday?
Tom:  no, Friday, I think
Me:  not, ok.  it is not ok to go low every night between now and next Friday
 you may not live until next Friday.  what can you do between now and then?
Tom:  I don't know
Me:  Is there no one on the face of this earth who can help you?
you can't call your doctor?  there is nothing on the internet?  no one else who has diabetes who has ideas?
is there something wrong with your pumpt?

Tom:  Well,... I have been thinking that the doohicky in my pump may not be working right, maybe I can call them


Me:  OK, when are you going to call them?  I think this is important.  and in the meantime, can you use your manual monitor in the meantime?

Tom:  Oh, yeah, maybe I can do that.  I'll call the company first thing in the morning and see what they say.

Follow up -- he received a new part to his pump by Fed Ex the next day and he has been using the manual monitor in the mean time.
To my knowledge he hasn't gone low since.

HMPH.  why does he have to make it more complicated?
oh, I know, we have the answer to that.
but geez, really?
maybe tomorrow I won't worry so much when he is driving home.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011


Is it just me?  ok, I know its not.

Just about every night since the night Tom had the major failure driving a couple of Friday's ago
He has gone low before dinner -- too low
Tonight he arrived home confused and dazed
he "forgot" to do a few errands,  what?
his explanation:  he ate a candy bar before he left work and thought that would be enough
on a good day, its an hour drive - today with the weather it was way over an hour
and he is a high-stress driver - by choice

when I asked him what he is going to do to fix things
he said he just didn't know
he was doing everything he knew to do
I said that wasn't good enough
he needed to figure something out
what if he had another accident and lost his ability to drive?
was there no one on earth who could help him?

he finally admitted to me that he has a doc apptment next week
why was that so hard to tell me?

really what is wrong with him?
I mean other than the diabetes?
he doesn't understand that I have to live through this also!

and yet, its weird, I'm worried and angry, but separated
this is his issue not mine
he has to address it
I can't fix it
so I'm in the place of nowhere
I can't fix it, I can't do anything but watch the crisis build
every day another tile is added to the stack
eventually they are all going to fall over
I guess I will have to pick them up
I will have to deal with it then

An Embarrassment of Riches

Thanks for everyone who commented on my tennis analogy.  It seems like many people found it to be somewhat appropriate!  Sure is for me.

So now I am on to a new dilemma - One I hesitate to share - because it is about good fortune and I could use some advice.  My hesitation is that I recognize that I am lucky to have these choices in this crazy economic world we live in -- but in this one regard, maybe all of my hard work has payed off just a little.

So, here is the deal.  A month ago, I left my employer and took early retirement.  Its been a blessing.  I am so happy to never go to that office again and see those people!  I just cannot even share with you the horrible environment in which I worked.  While I was part of the Executive Team (smirk) this is a place where everything is combat, no one works together to accomplish anything, each "victory" for the company or for the customer, is actually a lost battle in the eyes of the executive who didn't get his way.  (and I do mean it in the male context of the word)  

Needless to say, I am happy to be gone!

Now, I am working on my own, planning my own consulting business out of my little home office, figuring out how to make the internet work for me, making phone calls, trying to write meaningful articles, reading stuff about "HOW TO MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS IN A DAY!" and all that stuff.  I have put together what I think is a reasonable business plan that will build my business at a reasonable pace and pay me a reasonable amount of money and with any good luck, I won't have to work 10 million hours a week.  I am getting some leads and am feeling positive about the possibilities.

Well, I have been asked to apply for a position with a Federal agency that could truly be a once-in-a lifetime opportunity.  It is a policy job in my industry and it is highly placed, so I could truly having an impact on US citizens.  Its a two year job and the pay is "fine" but not "great".  It would be stable and would probably give me extra oomph on my resume -- but also sets my business back another two years.

what do i do?  how does one think about opportunities like this when neither answer is wrong and there isn't enough information yet to know the right answer...

any suggestions out there?

I value your feedback.

Friday, September 2, 2011

We are tennis balls

As I caught up on everyone's latest posts and thought back over my last couple of weeks, all I can think of is that our lives are like tennis balls.  Going back and forth across the net -- one minute high in the sky, the next smashing down on the hard surface.  

we are at the mercy of the guy holding the racket - he is sometimes in control and sometimes not.
sometimes he hits the ball in the "sweet spot" and everything goes well
other times he hits the ball on the edge of the racket and everything is off kilter 

Is he or is not really diabetic?
Are the meds working right or not?
He's been doing so well, ,what went wrong?
You know the story

We finally find a way to relax and enjoy a minute or two
and what happens? we come home to find the same old thing
but maybe worse!

I'm not sure its just that we are physically tired (although we are)
but the emotional/psychic tired part is worse
the weight on our shoulders gets so heavy
and there just is no one to truly take it away