Thursday, March 31, 2011

tears to my eyes

thank you for your prompt responses, Lilly and NewToThis
(read them in the comments)

it really helps and I have had my glass of wine
now I'm going to put my PJs on
and going up to bed

I'm sure I won't sleep until he gets home
but I feel better
knowing I have others who understand

thank you so much......

thank you for your comments

everyone please read the comments
there are some very good ones!

Sarah says she hasn't seen these issues with her 20+ year type 1 diabetes
well, all I can says is, that is wonderful and I am so happy for her

but that is not my life

I have been out of my town for 3 nites, each nite, I called and spoke to Tom and he was fine
Tonite I walked in at 7 pm
and what did I find?

a blithering idiot

after a full glass of OJ and a salad with salad dressing that I forced on him
his glucose reading was 81

but he was so intent on leaving for playing tennis that it didn't matter whether he was too low
and I can't continue to argue
I am so tired from my travel
I'm sorry to say that I just don't care

I pushed the OJ and salad on him
I rushed and made some salmon for him
I didn't want to eat that -- but I had some in the freezer and I cooked it for him
he ate some
then complained that it was too much to eat before playing tennis
so he left - got in his car and drove away
I will now not be able to stop worrying until he gets home

yes, I know, some of you may say
that at least he exercises
but really, at the risk to sugar lows?

I can't help it, I was angry
I just wanted to come home
have a glass of wine
and a quiet nite at home
put on my PJs
and read in bed

now I'm so agitated
and I just can't relax until he gets home
and that won't be for several hours

how do I know that he won't kill someone driving his car?

this may be dramatic
but it is my feelings
and I'm allowed to have feelings

your support will be helpful tonight because I'm feeling very low.....

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Needles? Just Can't Do 'Em

NewToThis tells me: A needle is nothing. Really..... It's just a Thin, little piece of metal. Don't look. Just jab and press. If you're shaking try and remember something mean he said when he was in a nasty mood and give it to him - hard! I bet you will both feel better when it's over in my head I get that, but when I tried, it just didn't work In fact, the one time I did try, Tom flipped over and his arm swung out (to protect himself) and I ended up with a black eye that sounds bad, I know, but really, he was so out of it, he had no idea that he hit me this was a very long time ago, and I never tried to give him a shot again its a good thing that I don't have kids I don't know what I would do if I had to take them in for shots or --OMG-- have to give one to my own kid!! there are only so many things I'm willing to do that just isn't one of them and, really, that is so his job its bad enough I help him with the OJ if he is in such bad shape that he can't drink? well he needs the EMTs anyway and, by the way? last night I slept so well, I overslept this morning! was late for work, but that's not the end of the world either

Monday, March 28, 2011

glucogon - is that the shot?

Tom's doc tried to give us one of those shot things early on
is that what Lilly is talking about?

When he is between 17 to 20, yes . . . you have to do something before he passes out. That is, if he can still swallow at that point! Is he actually still capable of yelling at you at that point? Do you have glucagon injections in the house? Or even frosting in small tubes? I know this sounds gross, but I have had my hubby get to the point a couple times where he was so out of it he could not swallow or suck from a straw, and at that point, frosting can actually work, as it dissolves in the mouth. The gel kind would probably be even better, but have never had it on hand. Another time, the glucagon was home and there was no sugary frosting, so I was literally holding his head back and drizzling soda down his throat. He did finally come around, but the whole episode made for a hell of a family Christmas! My next step was going to be calling the ambulance. This was after he had screamed at me all the way to my brother's house for almost half an hour, and then was so "out of it" I couldn't get him out of the car when we got there. Was I enabling him? More like making sure he survived! Never a dull moment.

I tried, I really did.
but of all the things I have done for him, putting a needle into him is one thing I cannot do
when he is so far gone that he cannot swallow or suck from a straw,
I call 911
He HATES that more than anything
and frankly, the emergency folks don't love it either -- although they are nice about it
but there are times when I reach my limit
he is beyond my ability to help
and frankly the fact that he hates it is not such a bad thing
as long as i don't over do it

Oh, and can I tell you about the time his mother called 911 from 1,000 miles away?
I was upstairs - having a nice time, reading, taking a shower, whatever,
had no idea what he was doing downstairs

suddenly, the doorbell rang
it was the EMTs
my MIL (who is evil by the way) had called while I was in the shower and tried talking to Tom
she decided he needed help and figured out how to call the local police station
they called the EMTs who showed up
in that instance, Tom was not that bad,
I could have helped him

but oh, well,

I really appreciate the EMTs
its nice to know they are there
since I can't use the shot thing
needles are not my thing

this kind of rambled
but the idea of the shots and EMTs got me started
thanks Lilly

WOW! That's Support!

thank you so much
you guys were on-line last night
your comments were great!

Sandy said:

I don't believe you are enabling him. U are HELPING him. I have learned to do what u need to do to get tthe sugar up, and then if there is a true argument, deal with it when he is sane. Most of the time, the argument is just the low talking, and hubby isn't even really mad...hope this helps :)

Lynn said:

Before we heard the diagnosis "diabetic" my husband was kind of a selfproclaimed @$$ I am not kidding. It was like i am six years younger and the "nice" one and he is the older Viet Nam vet @$$hole. He was a teacher and a coach for years and then administrated VP to P to superintendent of a school district before retiring and then we ran a as a boss he could get away with being the @$$hole kind of...boss means bossing... (well, read the comment -- we understand, Lynn)

Newtothis piped in with:

My two-cents: an a$$hole is different than a diabetic out of kilter. I don't think there is any way your sister could understand this difference if she is confusing enabling with possibly saving your DH from going in to a coma.

So, now I have learned,
the on-line version is a$$hole (who knew?)

and now I am learning that no matter how much my sister really tried to help
she is coming from her own frame of reference
and she hasn't walked in our shoes

of course, I haven't walked in hers....
so I can't judge her either.

again, thank you, my spouses of Diabetics
you understand me like no one else

I am renewed

I feel so much better just reading your comments

you are terrific!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Nothing like being there

this is why these blogs work:

Lily writes:

Laughing at your "survival issues are different over a****le issues." Took me a minute. Although I know it is anything but funny when the yelling starts. For me, it is sometimes so hard to sort out. With my husband, if he is aware and functioning enough to scream at me, I feel safe to walk out of the house and leave him for the moment, as he is still capable and mobile enough to eventually figure it out, and fix what's wrong on his own. Unfortunately, when he starts screaming, it may be because of low blood sugar, extremely high blood sugar, or his anxiety issues, so I can't just pour him some juice. If only I could! However, if he is goofy, barely moving, and/or breaking out in a cold sweat, I don't dare leave him until he has something sweet (juice or otherwise) in him, as he is incapable of getting anything for himself at that point. The anxiety-related meanness has calmed down considerably since he is (finally) on the right dose of meds, on a daily basis. I have threatened to leave him if he goes off them again!

when I get scared about leaving because I'm not sure the OJ will work -- that he can't even drink it by himself -- my sister says I'm just enabling him -- but his glucose is 17 or 20!

that is a physical condition -- whether its his fault or not

am I really supposed to just let it go
I just don't get it

thanks for your laughter Lilly -- its therapeutic

and Sandy, she writes...

I learned that when the hubby is in a low reaction, if I don't keep my cool, then he gets mad. I remember one time he was yelling at me and I couldn't understand why until I figured out he was low (before CGM days) once he came up, I said, do u even know what you just said to me? He had no idea...

It took me years to understand the lows and that my "keeping my cool" was the trick
the challenge goes on.....