Friday, December 25, 2009

not sure which is worse?

Is it worse for him to pretend that everything is fine when he hits 35 and 40 lows? or for him to be worried about it? Hard to answer.

We are in a hotel for a few nites while visiting his mother for Christmas and the last two nites he has gone way low. For some reason I slept through it and he woke up and took care of himself. Very great for me even if very unusual. But it has him worried. Very unusual. And unnerving!

Then again, is he going to discuss with his doctor? probably not -- said its just part of the disease and nothing the doc can do about it. Really?

Then there is his mother -- I think you know how I feel about her. Well, first we heard lectures about taking care of him. Then about how important it is for him to eat at least 3 balanced meals a day. (Remember he is 56 years old!) Then you won't believe what she served for Christmas dinner! It was a carbohydrate feast! smoked turkey, yeast rolls, corn, baked apples, potatoes, sweet carrots, shrimp dumped in ketchup sauce! not a green to be seen. when Tom asked if we were having veggies she was offended and said that's what the carrots and corn were. If he really wanted something she could make something special for him but she hadn't planned on it and wasn't sure what she had in the house and everything else was already ready and everyone would have to wait. This is the woman who accuses me of not taking care of him because I don't ask him 20 times a day what his glucose reading is. This is the woman who accused me of trying to kill him because he had a car accident when he was low and I was still asleep in bed at 6 oclock in the morning. And that's what she fixes for dinner when she knows he is coming! OH! and by the way how many times does she remind us that when she went to college she majored in nutrition! OMG!

Can you tell we've been in her presence for two days now and I'm at my limit? I know I should act more mature and let her comments roll off my back, but she still knows how to press every single one of my buttons. She is so annoying it makes these few days a year the toughest. I try to distance myself by moving to another part of the house but truly! she follows me around to be near me! What is that? Tom says it annoys him also, but its his mother and what's he supposed to do. I get that, really. but she is not my mother and distance is the only thing i can tolerate. why won't that work?

some of you may think i am being harsh here, but i have 25 years of stories that you would not believe about this woman and her incredibly selfish ways. i'm not going into them here now because it doesn't matter, suffice it to say that if you ever watched "Everybody Loves Raymond" and found Ray's mother to be annoying, that's my mother in law, but mines worse. And I am probably not as nice as the character of Ray's wife. fortunately we don't have kids to fight about, just Tom's health issues. And, I won't fight with her. I just try to walk away. but for these two or three days a year when I am stuck in this city, where there is absolutely nothing to do because everything is closed for Christmas (ARGH!) I'm stuck. A couple of hours begged off in the hotel room is the only peace I get today.

A few more hours then I can go home. For another year. I can't wait.

DW, hope your calm at-home holiday season is continuing to be nice for you.
I hope your husband isn't in too much pain and that you had a really nice day.

For everyone else who is reading this, if your Christmas is as stressful as mine, remember, its only a few days. That's my mantra. If its a great holiday, treasure every minute

A new year is coming, I'm looking forward to a great one.

Tom's Wife.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I Know This is Supposed to be Fun

My poor husband -- so many lines to walk between and not get caught

He is upset because his glucose readings are not steady at 100 -- when I ask he says its ricocheting around up to about to about 250 and down to about 50. Please understand, that he worries less about the lows than what he perceives to be the "highs". From what I have read, 250 on an occasional basis is not a high to worry about. I have a healthy pancreas (I actually test myself quite frequently now) and my own sugar levels range from about 80 to 200 -- the 200 being right after a carb-filled meal of course. when he goes low, he always tells me its going up -- even if its not. We have had several recent scary driving events again. I hear you -- don't get in the car with him. But its not usually happening when we are home. we are already out, frequently in the car with him behind the wheel before I understand what is going on. He says it comes on that fast -- it may be true but then again it may be that he is fooling himself and me. I don't know. each time I think he is paying better attention and we are on a better path, well, it isnt.

And now we are with the in-laws. or more specifically, his mother. GEEZ, what can I say, between the crying and the sighing, and yelling, and the passive aggressive comments zinging around its enough to make anyone crazy. And you wonder why I only subject myself to this two days a year. Even that pushes my patience to its extreme. Isn't this the time when we are supposed to WANT to be together? I really enjoy my brother in law, his wife and their two kids. If it was just us and them, this would be great. But the mother in law and other crazies -- well its just a lot.

Its not that my family is so great, but for the most part I've learned to deal with it and I just remove myself from situations with them that I dislike. No matter how much I dislike this, my husband asks me to put up with this -- he says I should do it for his mother. I tell him I do it for him. I owe nothing to the woman who has accused me of so many thing including trying to kill him. She is a truly selfish person - one of the most selfish I have come across in my 50+ years of living -- and it is painful to watch what she does to the members of the family who let her do it.

Its only today and tomorrow though, I can do that......

then two days home, and then work again!!!

Oh Joy!

Something in 2010 has to change -- I need a break -
on the other hand, I am grateful for what we do have:

we both have good paying jobs (compared to so many who lost theirs)
We have strong savings accounts
Both of us are relatively healthy
we have family and friends who love us
we really still love each other (most of the time) :)
We have the opportunity to find like-minded people through outlets like this blog to share frustrations and feel like we are not being judged

I am truly grateful for all of the people in my life who make these "things" possible
and to DW and all the others who read this, despite my frequent grumpiness, this is my outlet after all, I hope you have an opportunity to look back on 2009 and can find some things to be grateful for also.

Tom's Wife

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Holidays - the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Note to DW, I am so pleased to read that you are having a peaceful season. After the year you have had you certainly deserve it.

Me. Where to start?

Well, we got record snow yesterday - so we were in the house all day
We went out about every hour to shovel the latest few inches of show from the driveway
With close to 16 inches it was a lot!
but very pretty!

Inside, we worked on a project -- I was very enthusiastic -- Tom less so
it was fine.

It would be better if he just either left me alone or trusted that I knew what I was doing.
He helped, but his grumbling and delays could have been avoided.

Our Christmas plans are to go to the in-laws out of town
I enjoy 4 out of the 10 of the people who will be there
I have a very difficult time with a couple of the people who will be there
therefore, it is not something I anticipate with good feelings
staying home would be MUCH preferable

This is all on top of some very very stressful work lately
I think that because the work issues have taken over so much of my waking hours lately
there just hasn't been much time to address anything else

Tom has clearly been struggling with his pump and his device that is supposed to monitor his glucose --- but its been keeping him high rather than low -- so it hasn't had much direct impact on me other than his bad mood. Maybe this doesn't say much about me, but at least I'm not aware of what's going on so much -- he keeps it to himself.

There you go!! That's me in a nutshell!

Happy Holidays everyone one
Next year will certainly be different than 2009
Tom's Wife

Monday, December 7, 2009


I must have it really great.
My mother appreciates honesty -- apparently my mother in law does not
I suggest to my husband that he discuss the plans for Christmas with her
And he is afraid -- if he is honest, she may get upset because if he says the wrong thing it will hurt her feelings and she will cry

Wow! Can't we just ask what the plans are and offer to help and make it easier for all of us?

Last year The two days before Christmas were fine but Christmas Day was absolutely awful
we are trying to make plans and offering to help but geez, if he is this scared of her -- at almost 60 years old -- well, I just don't know


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Would you believe Dogs?

You must go to this website!
I plan to do more research
There was an NPR report about a UK version of this program
and that led me to this program in California
It appears to really work!

Can you imagine a dog "nagging" your spouse instead of you having to do it?
wouldn't that be fabulous?

I am totally intrigued!!!!!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

A Real Thanksgiving Holiday

I was pleased to read that DW had a peaceful Thanksgiving.
We did also. For the first time in my life, I did not spend Thanksgiving with family. Tom and I went away to a hotel and had dinner at a fancy restaurant - by ourselves.

On one hand, it was nice because we did not have to deal with the trials and tribulations of the family garbage that goes on (my family is minimum of 25 people when we get together so its always a very big "to do"). But I was also nervous because restaurant holiday dinners are notorious for overcooked buffet food, cranky wait staff, and uncontrolled kids running around. So we selected a relatively expensive place where the food included traditional thanksgiving fare plus modern french cuisine.

I didn't have one piece of turkey and don't feel like I missed a thing. This fabulous restaurant offered bite size pieces of lots and lots of different things. I tasted so many different foods - some I had never had before. well, lets just say it was delightful.

And, Tom? you ask? well, he did well also. He kept checking his monitor all night and was able to keep things in a good place. he was really quite sweet - all night long. The first (I guess that means I am hoping for more) in a long time.

I hope that others will have a good time this holiday season.

Tom's wife

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Who is the sick one?

I just read the last couple of posts by DW and my heart is breaking for her
her last line,

Yes, one day at a time, one hour at a time, 1 minute at a time - we do muddle through, don't we?

and we know that these are the magic words of alcoholics anonymous
I live them every day
yet, do our husbands? sometimes I wonder

it is their diabetes and yet we are the ones wondering how we will survive

something is wrong with this picture
maybe we have a different "disease"
maybe we are the famed "enablers"

I try not to be
but what is one to do?

I fell in love with him and married him before his health was in such dire condition
before I knew that he would treat me with such disregard
yes, I said me
because at some point that is what it comes down to
not how well he takes care of himself
but how well he treats me

he has so little regard for me that he refuses to take care of himself
or he is wallowing in such self pity that he can't see past himself to take care of me

don't misunderstand, I'm not asking for him to "do" anything specifically "for" me
other than taking care of his own health so that I don't have to constantly save him from hurting someone else in a car crash, going to the hospital, or even dying

Is that really too much to ask?

I don't think so.

All of my very best wishes for everyone taking care of a diabetic who is not doing everything he (or she!) can to take care of his health for himself, for you, and for the rest of his family.

Tom's Wife

Monday, November 16, 2009

its a grumpy night

I'm not much in a mood to feel sorry for myself tonight.

On one hand, I am feeling grateful for what I have -- tom is not in crisis as are some other husbands.

Yet it is not necessarily the life of every wife to be awake multiple times a night to make sure your husband is breathing, to wake him up because his monitor is beeping, etc, etc, etc...

Then again, I don't have a husband who smokes cigarettes - I would hate that
or, one who has cancer
and I've never been divorced

There are many "bad" experiences I have never been through
I may be able to feel sorry for people who have been through those things but haven't experienced them so it is difficult to know exactly what they feel

It is my strong belief that if/when Tom dies, which we both assume will happen before me, I will never want another permanent man in my life again

I think its too much trouble
I think men are just too demanding

but I have really never had to make that decision
it must be really hard

My dad has had cancer during the last 2 years and my mom is just realizing that she is no longer sleeping through the night because of his health -- all of a sudden she has a new appreciation of what is like to live with someone with a chronic illness

she told me this weekend that she never knew...

its nice, but it doesn't change anything
she has always been supportive
its still hard

maybe I'm just grumpy tonight

maybe I just think men are crap tonight

Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Anonymous Wife

DW wrote:

....Love the idea of meeting with other spouses.....but here's the problem with that. I have to remain anonymous myself in order to keep the "peace" here. If he thought for one second that I blogged....or that I was meeting another wife....I would have to leave for sure. Sad, huh? I'm going to guess there are several of us in the same position. We are not allowed to talk about this disease, not allowed to mention it, can't discuss it with our families and friends unless we do it in utter secrecy...

I find this incredibly sad and yet very understandable. There is so much about "being married to this disease" that is so hard to handle. The secrecy is about the worst. In the early years of my marriage, when we were young I gave in to it. Keeping the secrets from his mom, his brother, his friends.... I wasn't supposed to tell anyone about the lows, about what was going on. It was "embarrassing" It was a mistake It was Tom's limitation and I was his partner, a keeper of the secret.

To a certain degree he was right. He was responsible for the mistakes, but he couldn't be perfect and back then he tried much harder and was much better at it. And, true, his mother is a hysterical person who over reacts to everything so if you did tell her she would cry and hyperventilate and just overdo it completely -- even if you told her 6 months after the fact.

But now after 25 years I have learned so much. I don't rush to tell people about what's going on, but I don't try to hide it anymore either. If he goes low in front of others, and they see it. oh well, they see it. not my problem, he has to deal with the consequences of his choices. Just like you would do if it were your kid. I have learned to be a big believer in consequences. I have to deal with the consequences of my actions and he has to deal with his.

Of course, I'm still anonymous here. Because like DW, if Tom realized I was doing this he would be furious. I know I can use his name, because there must be many, many people named "Tom" out there. But he doesn't know to look. So I'm good.

And, if not. Well, I will deal with the consequences. Potentially it could be difficult. But what about this life isn't?

Tom's Wife

Monday, November 9, 2009

A great Idea

Thank you for your encouragement; it is helpful to me
even though I know that I "should" be writing this just for me, it helps to know that others out there are reading what I say and understand... that I'm not alone.
On a good day, I feel so confident counseling someone else. But then I have bad days when it seems like I'm the most selfish person in the world. I shouldn't be whining, I have it so good, others have it so much worse, who am I to complain? after all, I'm not the one with diabetes.

Just Little Me made a great suggestion:

I have started a quasi support group for spouses of diabetics - I say quasi because I am, in no way, qualified to run a support group. I have 2 friends whose husbands are diabetics and whenever we would run into each other we would catch up on how things were going. That lead into my organizing a dinner for the 3 of us and now we meet every 2 months or so. It has been just over 2 years now and it has helped me greatly - and I'd like to believe it has helped them as well. We all live in western New York state, in the suburbs of Buffalo. I'm sure we're pretty unique, but I thought it might give some of your readers an idea.

Does anyone else do something like this? I would love to hear how you cope.

That sounds like a terrific idea. I live in the DC area and I only know one person here in the same position as me. And I'm not sure if she is ready for the conversation yet. But there must be others; I'm not sure how to find them. But hopefully through communications like this maybe more of us can talk to each other more.

Wishing everyone better days for all of us.

Another day, I want to talk about technology and how its as much of a problem as it is a benefit. If I forget, will someone remind me? lately the "monitor" is causing more problems than its solving. But for tonight, I need to go.

Tom's Wife

Sunday, November 8, 2009

I'm so Tired of it all

Doesn't it just get so exhausting? I don't know where to begin tonight. I read others' comments and I feel badly -- the woman who has finally called it quits. getting divorced because he is so selfish and wont take care of himself, expecting her to do it; she is correct. how much can one person do?

the abuse we get from other people - especially the mothers of the men who don't take care of themselves. I guess its their own guilt they are putting onto us. they can't take care of their son so they want us to do so. but it just doesn't work that way.

and there is absolutely no help for us in the diabetic community at large -- no that's all about denial. diabetics are to be supported and pitied at all costs. don't assume they are human, with strengths and weaknesses. who go through the same psychological limitations that everyone else goes through. yes, some of them want to be pitied that way, but I'll bet in their saner moments, many do not.

Tom, for one, wants desperately to be as "normal" as possible. he doesn't always understand that sometimes in his efforts to do so that he becomes compulsive and pushes the mark to go too low. then its up to me to catch it -- if I don't do it in time then its the paramedics. then he gets upset because we both "failed"

what a cycle

i think the woman who is ready to leave her husband will think I have it so much better than she does because after all my husband cares enough to watch what he eats etc. but there have been times when i was up at 2 or 3 in the morning multiple times a week, for weeks on end, fighting with him to take sugar, because his sugar was so low, he was about to go unconscious

One summer, the paramedics were at our house 8 times in 2 months.

believe me, that is not fun.

I'm not saying this to compete -- but to sigh in frustration, sanguine, and sometimes anguish. we are not alone. just sometimes lonely.

I wish I could help others but sometimes I don't know how to help myself feel better.
But I think DW is the smartest of us all, keep busy with things you enjoy doing and spend time with people you love and people who love you. your life is short too.

tom's wife.

Monday, October 12, 2009

A New "High"

Always something new
Over the weekend, Tom's pump malfunctioned
and he wasn't getting any insulin
He was up multiple times Saturday night
struggling to figure out why he felt so badly
and then finally threw up around 6 am
it wasn't until around 7:30 am when he realized what the problem was
by then he diagnosed the ketosis for what it was

But being high makes him very sick
I guess its different for everyone
He was sick all day even though he figured it out and removed the pump
he went back to the manual method
he tested about every hour and gave himself direct shots of insulin
called the company and has a new pump being delivered tomorrow

I have to say that I'm impressed with him
he is really taking care of himself

what a nice change!
quite different from when he gets low!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Heart Pain

Sometimes my heart just hurts.
For my husband who has been working really hard lately to keep his sugar in control. We have had a really good week - sometimes that's all one can ask for. and he is really trying - but its so hard. he gets frustrated. Last night the stupid monitor started beeping in the middle of the night and he was up three times. His frustration was almost as loud as the stupid beeping of the device.

Then there are the spouses out there -- some diabetics don't appear to try at all. I say "appear" because none of us know what is in anyone else's thoughts. The spouses bear the worry and frustration of watching the slow death of their loved one. One person I know has a wife who refuses to take control of her eating habits and yet gets in the car to drive their children about -- she may be high or low -- the young children are starting to take care of mom. They now know how to give her sugar, to call 911, and other things. Its really scary.

In an unrelated area, a woman I know is in serious financial trouble. She has lots of credit card debt, the house she is renting is about to be sold; she can buy it from the owner but she doesn't have the money to do so. She is divorced, has two kids, one just started college the other a junior in high school. Her job history isn't great even though she is smart and is college educated and respected in her industry. She doesn't buy lots of stuff - no fancy car, no fancy restaurants or great clothes -- but she doesn't save a dime either. She has "borrowed" money from every family member and friend who would give her something and never paid it back. You can't help feeling sorry for her because you look at her and just know that this is a person who may never get it together. But how do you help her?

Someone else has a very old mother - this mother is not sick per se - just old. the mother wants to die so just exists. She is in a nursing home - the aids feed her, change her clothes, and move her around so that she does not get bed sores. This woman just doesn't care any more. (compare that to Senator Ted Kennedy who was still reading to under-privileged kids in DC until just a couple of weeks before he died)

So, I'm in a mood where my heart is hurting for all of these other people. My life feels blessed. I have so much and I do all I can for others - but there just isn't enough to go around. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


How does one define loneliness? Isn't it more than just being alone?

I have a large family - 4 sisters (3 of whom are married), 10 nieces and nephews, my parents are still around, and that's just my side of the family. We are very close and get together frequently (too frequently sometimes)

I have many friends -- some who live nearby and some who live in other cities. But sometimes I get very, very lonely. I had always hoped to have a close relationship with my husband, that I would always have someone to depend upon, that I wouldn't feel alone.

But that just didn't work out. Sometimes, he can be very sweet. He thinks he is very reliable -- and he is reliable on some issues. But often, when I really need to feel wanted, comforted, he is just not there.

Yeah, I feel lonely. I go to work everyday, surrounded by people, some days it feels like every single person in my life wants something from me. and I'm supposed to be strong for everyone. some days, there just is no one with whom I can share my burdens, my fears. I thought that person would be my husband. but it isn't. He's one of the burdens a lot of the time.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Oh, the constant struggle between feeling sorry for him and frustration with him. I was trying to estimate it the other day, and it probably averages 4 times a week that Tom's glucose drops low enough that I notice that its low and he needs some form of sugar to bring him back to normal.

Can I tell you what number "low" is? No because I no longer demand that he test his blood nor do I force him to let me try to test his blood. I don't need to -- I know he is low, that he is unable to hold a sane conversation, that I wouldn't want to be in a car with him at the wheel.

And, this is when I am around -- who knows what happens when I'm not around.

Then there is the monitor that goes off in the middle of the night, beeping to let him know that he is either high or low -- I never know -- I just get woken up by the beeping.

Well, in the immediate moment of his low, or at the time of the device beeping, I'm feeling quite annoyed. But then I think, how frustrating for him to try to do for his body what biology does for mine.

Its such a struggle. But then again, he is the one who slept through that stupid device beeping away and I'm the one who was awake listening to it beep away.........

Friday, September 25, 2009

Always a B

A little off the diabetes topic tonight
this was what I was thinking today....

So I know its been 35 years since high school (I know this because a school friend contacted me recently and told me). But I still think of myself as a B student. OK, a B person. Yes I have done a lot in my life. I have a good job, a nice home, a good marriage etc. I got a great education from a great school, just not quite the best.

Let me try to put it this way. If you are familiar with NCAA basketball championships...its like a team that always makes it to the sweet 16 but never gets higher. They are one of the best teams in the country but never quite the best.

That's me, its who I work for, its the colleges I went to, its the grades I got, its the money I earn, its everything. Never the top, always close. I'm smart, just not "Harvard" smart. Most of the time, I'm fine with this. But every once in awhile (like today) it gets really hard.

I just don't know where I fit in. So, coming home and talking with Tom, I wondered, do I fit in better here? Is he a B also?

No, he is an A, for sure. There he is working the newspaper crossword puzzle in pen and getting it all right! He went to a school with its team in the Final Four almost every year! He is one of the really smart ones! he manages his diabetes really really tightly. He eats very carefully, he has been out of high school 40 years and weighs the same as he did back then, he can out-maneuver me in any conversation that he wants to.

that's it, I'm going upstairs. Its a good thing I enjoy my own company.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

And, then again...

So, here is a comment,

Will he be alive in 10 years? Probably - because they just keep pumping more drugs into him.

and a man who has had diabetes for 33 years and is over age 55. He is way past exercise...and a few other things. I do believe he could stop the progression....but he's simply not willing to do anything towards that end. At best, he will take the pills his doctors prescribe. He eats everything and anything that he wants - including eating out at least once every day, sometimes all 3 meals. He will not exercise and most days he won't even walk to the mailbox.

That is really scary! The good news with Tom is that he eats well and exercises. The bad news is that he is always going low and drives like a maniac. Those two things together leads me to believe that he is going to die of a hypo-induced car accident, probably with me in the car.
But then again, I think about the former post that considered the idea that when they have so many lows, maybe they are also having many highs. The highs may just not be so visible.

Another time, I want to talk about the anger.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


So, Do I ever question whether to stay or leave?
I didn't for the first 10 years of my marriage
Back then he did such a good job of keeping his promises

He kept his glucose under control most of the time
He seemed interested in traveling and reading and doing all kinds of things

Then, he started having more medical problems
they began to get worse
then the sexual problems started -- that was the beginning
that's when I started thinking about it
because how can you leave someone just because the sex is gone?

It wasn't until many years later that I realized it was so much more
it was about the consideration, the caring
it wasn't the physical limitation so much as the lack of consideration of my feelings, my needs
he didn't seem to care about what I wanted, he only cared about what he wanted
or what he thought was appropriate for the situation
he still likes to make decisions for what he thinks I need
then he goes with that
doesn't ask, just goes forward

so frustrating!

now that the medical issues are worse -- not nearly as bad as some others note
no amputations, no liver failures, nothing like that
just hitting hypos -- below 50 -- at least once a week
sometimes driving, sometimes after or during dinner, sometimes in the middle of the night
he has a pump, he has a monitor, he has everything

I've given up trying to figure out the right numbers
that's his job not mine
he won't share anyway
when he is low, I will offer the sugar,
sometimes trying to get him to test, sometimes just trying to get him to take the sugar
often, if we are home, I will offer the sugar and then leave
leave the room or leave the house if I have to
it gets too difficult to stay

if its the middle of the night and he doesn't quickly respond, I call the paramedics

it gets too much

do I think of leaving? you bet?
do I get scared? you bet?
do I get angry? you bet?
do I get love him? Yes, though sometimes I wonder why

what else can I say?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Thank you all for your encouragement. It helps.
I'm learning a lot. From one person:

"The phrase Type 3 was coined by somebody for the spouse of the PWD (person with diabetes). I, too, am the wife of a man in his mid 40's with diabetes. I am thrilled to have another blog to read..."

Who knew?

And from another:

"Been there, done that. I've been married to a non-compliant diabetic for 17 years. It has been a roller-coaster at best. My hubby has been on dialysis for 4 years and now is having surgery for Charcot foot. What a nightmare. I will not ride with him driving the car anymore. (Too many scary experiences) Just remember, this is his doing and his disease, we are just there for the ride. I have screamed, cried, yelled, begged, ignored, and just adjust, but nothing seems to matter. He is just doing things "his way" It doesn't work for me, but he will not change and I just have to adjust. For whatever reason (sometimes I question myself) I still stay and deal. I do love him with all my heart and wish things are different, but they are not. I know deep in my heart that all will be okay .. just know you are not the only one dealing with this nightmare of a disease. Just be strong!!!

So here are my thoughts on the driving "experience"
Tom is the most aggressive driver I have met
Some of my family members won't get in the car with him at all

You know those drivers that people talk about on all of those talk shows?
The guy who whips in and out of lanes between cars, just to get ahead by a car length or two?
He speeds up, tailgates, drives in the break-down lane, backs up on the freeway, etc

Yeah, he's that guy -- and that is NOT having a sugar low!
He only had his car one year when he had worn out a hole in the carpet where his heel sits by the gas pedal . . . He claims that this is the only way to drive -- and it's fun!!

So, yes, we have had many, many conversations
now, when I am in the car, I remind him of our agreement:
a) he scares me and out of respect for me he needs to slow down
b) I can't tell whether he is driving that way on purpose or because his sugar is low therefore he must drive better to prove that he is ok or pull over and let me drive

If he is ok, he drives better -- if he is not ok, I know I have to force him to let me drive

Its not great, but for now it still works

I fear the day when it will no longer work

As for the staying or leaving part,
well, I'll leave that discussion for another day

Monday, September 21, 2009

Cherise writes:
The other day my hubby and I (I'm the diabetic) went out for dinner. I thought was going to have a carb fest, bolused for 60 carbs. Did I eat 60 carbs at dinner?!?! Nope, but I told my hubby I bolused for 60 carbs. I told him I needed something to eat with 30 carbs. I am sorry your hubby didn't speak up for himself but glad you were there to help him out. T-3's ROCK!!!

Cherise, you are a woman -- you COMMUNICATE -- you realized you made a mistake and you told your husband. I don't know if its because you are really really smart, (I'm sure that's it - :) ) or what, but Tom never ever admits he made a mistake. Even after our dinner fiasco the other night, he blamed it on the food - not his miscalculation!

And, I'm probably really out of touch, but can you tell me? what's a "T-3" ?

And thank you, DW, for your comment and your link:

I think I'll write a new post later. I still have to get the hang of posting other people's notes and my thoughts.

thanks for your thoughts, it helps.

Toms Wife

Sunday, September 20, 2009

A few days ago, we were at a large family dinner. Tom was sitting next to me and lots of conversations were going on all at once.

Across the table, I caught my sister looking from Tom to me with a shocked, questioning look; and I realized that she was trying to understand what Tom just said. He had answered her question in gibberish. Upon looking at him, I know in an instant. The glassy eyes, the pale skin, the lack of expression on his face . . .

You see, Tom tries so hard to manage his diabetes to a "perfect" 100, his glucose count drops very low very fast with increasing frequency these days. I do not need to test his blood, its as obvious to me as if he had fallen over on the floor. [This is so different from the early years of our marriage when I lacked confidence and tried desperately to figure out how to test and figure out numbers. Now I have the confidence to rely on my own instincts -- I'm never wrong!]

So, in an attempt to minimize disruption to the dinner, I get Tom out of the dining room and encourage him to drink some soda. Surprisingly, he agrees and recovers fairly quickly. This was critical because we each had driven our own cars -- there was no way I could let him drive without bringing him sugar up. The disruption was minimal.

But count me bad, but I was quite angry. He had just finished eating! How could he let himself get so low? When I asked he told me that he didn't like the food and that the chicken tasted sweet so he couldn't eat it. Does this make sense to any rational person? He couldn't eat the chicken because it was too sweet, but then had to drink a 16 ounce bottle of soda because his sugar had gotten so low. And he wants me to think I'm crazy!

Please, who is really the crazy person now?