Monday, March 22, 2010

Maybe Ignorance is Bliss

So, I'm in "a Mood"
Maybe its because too many people in my life are sick
and I mean really sick

like, dying sick
but not really dying

In our society, we put a lot of emphasis on life at any cost
But I just don't know
there has to be something about the quality of that life
and the quality of the lives of those who care about the "sick" person

I will use my dad as an example here
First of all, to get this straight, my dad is my hero
without him on planet earth, I'm not sure it will still spin correctly
OK? so I know that my life depends upon him being here


He was diagnosed with lung cancer about two years ago
Since then, he and my mom.
well they essentially live from test to test
Sure there are days that are wonderful
but there are also weeks of misery

sometimes its pain
other times its just waiting

Are any of us REALLY better off waiting for his next bad test?
I have been told I can be pessimistic
I prefer realistic

There has to be a line between enjoying every day fully
and worrying about dying

I love this system
and have become very attached to Diabetic's Wife
Her blog about her trials and tribulations are my own
I know it will by my trip at some point in my life
and her story is my story
it helps even if it is hard to hear (read)

My husband is her husband
sure there are differences
but it is the same

One the other hand
there may be different answers on my horizon
I don't know yet
My husband -- Tom -- worries like crazy about his diabetes
He weighs almost the same thing he weighed in high school
he is too skinny in my opinion
he exercises like crazy and eats VERY carefully
Yet, he is now worried about his BMI
Personally, I think that's hogwash!
BMI doesn't take age into account
he is 58 years old!
and he is not sure that he wants to go through surgeries when its his turn
we talk....

True, I agree with DW, his sugar probably goes up and down
and the average AC1 may be fine
but the highs and lows are probably causing heart disease

on the other hand, what doesn't cause heart disease or cancer these days?
we are all going to die of something

If its not what we eat or the lack of exercise, its smoking, or genetics, or bad luck

See, there really is no predicting things
we have to live each day doing the best we can
we need to eat well, get some exercise, and not do stupid things

then we have to have faith
then we have to decide what we want to do

Personally, I'm not sure I want to believe in doctors much anymore
Oh, of course, they provide some good services
but prolonging life beyond what is what supposed to be?
that's when I'm not so sure

Not that I want to lose the people close to me
but maybe seeing them suffer is worse

I just don't know.........

Heaving a very big sigh and looking into the spring sunset.
Tom's wife

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Relief, we think

well, DW's husband made it through the surgery
this is good news
but she knows - and many of us know - that there is so much more to come
But that is why its the future - we just don't know
we can hope it will be better
and after all, the alternative would be worse, right?
Tom's Wife

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

One Day at a Time

So DW is still on my mind
its been almost a week since her husband had his surgery
I hope everything is ok

In the meantime
we all continue with our lives

In my case, Tom is really doing well
My stress level is off the charts with work stuff
and my "cold" just won't go away even the weather is finally getting better

Thank you to those of you who have sent in comments
I am certain that DW knows and appreciates the concern also

But as each of tries to do such a good job of living our lives the "right" way
and we want others to live their lives
Well, when put that way
Don't we recognize that there really is no "right" way?

what may seem amazing to some of you.
but there are some people that would prefer to live a short life where they can do whatever they want -- eat whatever they want whenever they want -- than to live a long life and have to limit what they like and exercise when they don't want to.

That may not make sense to you -- but it is not your decision to make

It only matters when actions like that have results that impact others on a day-to-day basis
like diabetic comas and heart surgeries due to diabetes

sigh! life is so hard sometimes

there is no right way to do things

have a better day tomorrow

toms wife

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Heavy on my mind

DW is on my mind for the past few days,
I have been thinking of her and her husband and what they must be going through
While I go through my daily stuff, she comes to mind
and rude people, work issues, bad drivers, just don't seem so bad

On the other hand, my husband's low the other day felt worse
It felt like a reminder - an idea that today its a low that I can take care of
but tomorrow, it could be a heart condition that requires invasive surgery

It is so scary

I have said it before and will say it again
I wish I had the wisdom to help others

I haven't been angry lately -- which is good
but I so understand the anger of others
it is scary and something that is so totally out of your control

He leaves you to handle everything - including him

Then at the end of it all - when things may start to get a little better
when you start to think maybe retirement may happen - or something like that
you find yourself in DW's shoes, big surgery -- a different kind of scary

Thoughts and hopes and even prayers (of whatever kind) out to her and her family

We wait for a good word

Tom's Wife

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Dealing with Lows

Handling a diabetic low is SO HARD!!
what is low?
Depends on the person, depends on if its going down or going up
Once it is in the danger zone, all the caregiver wants to do is get it up!
Once he (the diabetic) has gone into diabetic shock - or close to it -- all you can do is react
and you want to get the number up fast!
The old solution was always orange juice
and a paramedic had told me to mix in granulated sugar
But Tom would rarely drink the OJ I tried to give him

The best thing that works is the little tubes of glucose that we buy from the pharmacy
a prescription is not needed but sometimes its behind the counter (no idea why)

but if its not that serious (or I'm out of the glucose tubes) I'll try to get him to drink some kind of sugary drink -- soda, juice, anything. But always with a straw if he can't drink easily by himself.

If its not really low, if its just sort of staying low - the key is eating often
I think the best thing that Tom started eating is Nuts!
He has changed his evening snack to nuts and that has helped a lot
he likes mixed nuts -- but sometimes he gets one kind -- peanuts are the type he would buy for himself most often (that maybe because they cost the least and he hates to spend more than he has to ever!)

and they are pretty good for him -- he gets the unsalted kind

So, those are my thoughts
hope it helps!

Tom's Wife

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Warnings Can Be a Double Edged Sword

I just finished reading DW's last post
OMG! How many of us are thinking: when will it be our turn?
Our hearts go out to you, DW
We are sending you whatever strength we have left to give
We, who read your blog, hear your message

But, then again, there must be other control freaks like Tom
So while your husband never tested, Tom tests but he stops eating
he has lost so much weight -- I actually worry about that!
(I know some of you just wish!)
And he drinks so much diet soda! He will drink 8 2-liter bottles every weekend
He also believes in the A1c because the doctors still do
And there is no getting off of that

Also, if I showed him your blog, he would take that as reason to keep his glucose number even lower than he does now

For those who read my blog, you know that Tom tries to keep his number below 100
He does such a "good" job of it that the local paramedics know us well
Tom is terrified of the issues DW is describing and so he tries to keep his number low

I wonder what heart damage he is causing by going down to 20 and 30 so often
personally -- and I am no medical professional -- that just can't be good for his heart either

This is all so distressing!

Diabetes is an awful disease and it impacts every member of the family
While clearly the person with the disease is in charge because in the end it is his body
We have to deal with the consequences
Sometimes, we don't mind
For instance, there are times when I absolutely love preparing great, healthy food for him
Or taking long walks in evenings
I certainly benefit also!

But of course, its the unexpected consequences that are so hard
The medical problems, the awful mood swings, the nasty behavior (which they don't even know about)...

We seem to be in a little period of relatively good health
No terrible moods, only one mild low (that I know about)

I can concentrate on sending my best hopes to DW
Till the next time........

Tom's Wife