Friday, August 31, 2012

Frustrated with New Google Reader

Just a quick note
I don't know how to "follow" Lilly's new blog
I can't find any button to click on the new version of Google Reader

Any suggestions?

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

new kind of stress

thanks everyone for your words of kindness
my dad is my source of strength in this world

its  not something I can really explain
but I think that I really am similar to him in the manner you read about boys being their father's sons in sports
does that make sense?

when I talk about anything with him, he totally gets it
when I start to doubt myself, he is the one person in this world who
knows how to say the right thing that just works for me

his mom, who my mother never got along with (for good reason) loved me
she (grandma) tried to give me special treatment that my mom blocked
but grandma is my special connection to heaven
I know she watches over me and takes care of me

this is rambling -- sorry -- but my heart hurts tonight

he is going to try more chemo

more pain
but with us longer.....

he is not "my dad" when he is on chemo

 I worry that he is already leaving me
does that sound grim?

I don't know
I'm trying not to cry

but this is my reality

Tom just is strong
he dealt with his father's long illness from a distance
he doesn't get it
but tries to be supportive



Monday, August 27, 2012


My dad just got news that his cancer is back
He is 87 years old
I know
its expected
but it still hurts

Monday, August 20, 2012

My Sister Gets It

I have several sisters
One of them called me today
complaining about her husband

she said
"I finally think I understand what you go through,

I just got off the phone with "John" (her husband)
and he is "sick" again
I'm so tired of him coughing and keeping me up at night
all of his "intestinal" problems
his unwillingness to go to the doctor
and his total anger at anytime I want to spend a dollar

the fact that he smokes so many cigarettes.

he doesn't work (my sister is the only wage earner in the house)
he eats chocolate chip cookies and other junk food in the middle of the night
and doesn't do a bit of exercise

well, he really is sick and doesn't take care of it
then its her responsibility to "fix" it for him
or not
but then
the plans for her anniversary dinner
well, they got cancelled because he was "too sick"

hey guys, we understand this, don't we?
we have lived with this forever

she is just realizing it
but I have lived it forever

Life is interesting, Yes???

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Thinking of Lilly

Hi Lilly
Today I was thinking of you (not sure why -- just did)
Hoping you are doing ok as you have made some big changes in your life in the last several months
You and DW got me started on this venture of blogging
and I am very grateful

you are a true role model -- if one were to read back through your old posts
one would read how much you have given (physically, emotionally, and everything else)
and then you realized that there was a limit

You tried so hard to make it work
but it takes two!

Tom and I had such a great afternoon yesterday
my situation is very different that yours
am I lucky?
am I at a different point and it will get worse later?
is it something else?

no one can tell

but this I know -- in my heart

you, Lilly, are a smart, strong, giving person
and I wish you the very best

Take good care...

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Follow Boop82!

Boop82 has her own blog and we should all be following her!
she is one of us!  and I feel very bad for her!
give her support!

Tom's New Doc

First, thanks, Boop82 -- glad you are now with us
DW - have faith -- we are all thinking of you and wishing you the best
I would be that most of us are so grateful to you -- we would do anything to help -- if we could
best wishes your way....

Now to Tom
I like the new doc
but I don't like going with him and feeling like his mother
it was very uncomfortable for me
the doc was very matter of fact but very knowledgable
Here is the one bit of info that was very meaningful

I asked:  Tom has always tried very hard to keep his glucose between 100 and 120; what is the appropriate range for him?

she answered (directly to him) -- now you are 60 years old -- the issues are different --
we are more fearful of hypo's today --
less worried about the long-term impacts of prolonged highs
(Tom was shocked!)

she told him that the new range should be between 80 and 140
for him
everyone is different
but he needs to loosen his control
he needs to go to a podiatrist -- he is losing some feeling in his foot
(he didn't believe her -- thought she did the test wrong)
scheduled his next appointment for November
and wants him to see the dietician again
he printed out some reports for her and it showed one low in a week
she thought that was ok
it was not a bad low
I had not thought about it much
I guess its been ok

I did not like being there
he didn't like me being there
he should be taking care of himself
I am not his mom
but I ask important questions
this is icky

he doesn't want me to go again
I think I will go to the dietician but not the doc
since I cook dinner and do most of the grocery shopping
the dietician is important
and its not like he talks to me unless I ask a thousand questions!!!

ok I'm done tonight

thanks for "listening"
today was not comfortable
tomorrow is another new day...

Saturday, August 11, 2012


The past week (and this week and next) are crazy busy
family wedding, business conference, and deadline next week
so I don't have much time to write

Look at responses to other posts --
DW - you are in our thoughts with your diagnosis
Lilly - thanks
Jules and Boop82 - welcome - you have lots of company and you are not crazy or selfish

If I could figure out how to make this just a conversation among us -- rather than me just writing - I would do that

Like you, I like conversation better -- even if its on line and not every day

Tom's appointment with his new doc is this coming Wednesday
it should be interesting
I'll let you know how it goes....

take care everyone

have a good week

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Jules Update

Here is what Jules wrote on August 1st:

Hello, I don't do blogs too much or know very much about them, so I apologize if I don't understand the protocol. My husband has a genetic mutation that is causing all kinds of problems, but the biggest one is Diabetes. One day, I thought,"I wonder if other people feel the way I do" and there you were. It was like I wrote you post myself. My husband is 38 years old, and is falling apart at the seams. I know he has depression, has a new leg pain that won't go away, and is slowly turning into a chair bound ass. It's really very sad. Thank you for being so candid in your posts and for sharing your thoughts and feelings. 
And Lilly provided a response a few days later...

Jules, I am so sorry that you are going through this awful time! Maybe (like me) you can look at it as a chance to start over . . . but only you can decide what is the best decision for you. We are all just struggling to find our way. Many of us have chosen to stay, some of us have decided to leave, and some of us get left behind by the very person we have tried so hard to love. Take care of yourself, 

Here are my thoughts today (August 8th)
there is no trick to blogging - you just write.  you do great and have no need to apologize.
I am very sorry that you are dealing with so many challenges with an ill husband at such a young age
Most of us have dealt with different versions of that --and as Lilly says -- we each deal with it differently.  I hope you are reading the other links on my page.

btw, best wishes for dw who is struggling with a less-than-happy diagnosis for herself