Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Help for Others

I haven't been posting much because life gets SO BUSY!
a few weeks ago, my 104-year old grandmother died
she lived a fabulous live and my huge  family celebrated her life together
but it was a week of cooking and driving to the airport and FAMILY!!!

then I went to Vegas for a week of a major business conference
again, sounds fun but it was WORK
and long

then I got home and slept for four days straight!
my body was telling me that it was too much!
I just couldn't get out of bed
so I slept
must have needed it!

Now I'm finally doing well
and trying to catch up with everything
reading my d-friends' blogs, I am sad

Diabetes Wife -- I am glad that you are finally getting the house of your dreams near your mom and sister, but sad that it had to come at the distress of your husband.  Yes, he needed the wake-up call. but its so sad that he is so very depressed. 

Actually, when I saw my own psych doc last week, we spoke about the lack of care for the psychology of the diabetic.  He admitted that he didn't know much about it and was going to research it before my next visit.

and yet, we had an interesting family conversation recently.  Two family members are in the medical profession -- a dentist and a gastroenterologist.    Tom wasn't there but we talked about taking care of the diabetic -- beyond just the literal medical issues such as A1C and glucose numbers.  The dentist has been doing a lot of research regarding diabetes lately -- it seems that dentists are starting to pay attention to diabetes and what they see in the mouth even before docs see stuff in other parts of the body.  The gastro was saying that medicine today is so difficult that its harder for docs to look at the "whole" body and the whole family.  he agrees that its a problem and its a major reason that he is getting ready to retire next year!

it was an interesting conversation and actually somewhat encouraging to me.

Michael -- I'm sorry that you are sad - or depressed -- or encouraged.  Your blog refers to all three.  You are doing great and there is no value in feeling sorry for whatever happened in the past.  Its past.  you can't change it.  all you can do is move forward. Clearly you are doing everything you can do to improve things today -- that's the best anyone can do in their life -- whether they have diabetes or any other issue in their life.

Lilly, and the other bloggers, I encourage you with whatever strength I can share.  Some days I don't have a bit -- other days I seem to have lots to give.  I believe in each of you.  All each of us can do is put one foot in front of the other and attempt to do our best.

Do your best not to be victimized -- by the person or by the disease.  Help him and help yourself.

I also encourage you (as always) to get as much sleep as possible.  it really helps deal with all the other stuff!

Good luck.

Tom's Wife

Monday, April 9, 2012

More Lows

DW is tired of dealing with all of "it" and so am I
but she deals with the highs and the depression
and I deal with the lows and the continual denial

I know I should do a better job of documenting things
but that is just not me
it feels to me like its a daily thing lately

low in the evening
after I get some sugar into him, we look at the monitor
and it registers at 55 and going lower

he sees that as a good thing
I see it as a problem

its not that I'm a glass half empty sort of person
but that he just refuses to accept the fact that he goes so low so often

I have asked for a print out of the last 30 days
he agrees but hasn't done it

the lows are awful
I am not letting him drive in the evenings (to the best of my ability)
but this just can't be good for him

he is just so stubborn
we have been up in the middle of the night several times lately also

it just is so exhausting!

Monday, April 2, 2012

Suicide by Diabetes

Why does it have to be so difficult?

Don't we all say the same thing?
My heart breaks when I read the other blogs about the husbands who have such high counts on all the benchmarks -- these men are surely killing themselves by letting the disease just overtake their bodies

on the other hand, my Tom is just as surely killing himself the other way
almost every evening between 5:30 and 7:00 pm
his glucose reading drops very low
usually to around 55?
in general I have learned not to let him leave the house and get in the car
(unless he proves that he has enough sugar in him)
but this just cannot be good for him
every single day, he is out of it and crazy
I no longer insist on pushing the juice
I just rush dinner and let his sugar increase more slowly

I know that's what he prefers
but truthfully its hell on me
and I am not convinced that its so good for him
but what can I do?

this now takes up my entire evenings
by the time we get through this process
I'm done
I'm exhausted
and don't want to be in the same room with him

I have asked that he discuss it with his doctor
and, nothing
this is not right

if he is so scared of being like your husbands, why isn't he more scare of being like this
I recently bought a video camera
I should film him
if I could just remember and not focus on helping him
just film him in his stupid state!


some day.....