Found new comments

I realize that blogging is not my forte
but I am feeling quite dumb right now
tonight I read a pop up on my blog site that I had ignored previously

it told me to check the comment spam folder in case there were valid comments there
well, I didn't realize this even existed
and, how did something get there?

well, there were several comments -- from 2011 and 2012
they were valid -- I am so sorry to those of you whose comments were stuck there
I always try to respond and publish comments from other wives
support is so important to us

so I now hit publish -- but they are buried somewhere in my blogs

to anyone who reads this
please feel encouraged to stay strong and true to yourself
At the end of the day, you are all you have
Others can help -- in many ways
but only you can decide to stand up and move forward

All the best

Crisis for TX DW

Here is what she wrote

Well it finally happened...DW had a low, lost control of car, wrecked two others, totaled his...thank God no one else was hurt...DW has a fractured stirium and is in pain...can't do much...needs help dressing, heating pads, meds, and have to drive him to & from work
7 am /4 pm...I'm just about to throw in the towel...need any help/suggestions from my DW sisters..& of course it made the front page of our small town paper...he will definitely loose his license and we just bought land to build our small dream home...I pray to God for patience and peace...TX DW

Oh Gd!  TX -- I so know that feeling!
It is so scary!
you feel so helpless!
and so frustrating!
you saw this coming -- why didn't he?

So glad others weren't hurt
so sad he is

The only suggestion I have is to breathe deep
I often forget to do that
just stop, take a deep breath with eyes closed
and then exhale
repeat

my heart is with you
time will make things better
won't fix it
but better

Beeps

Tom has a lot of machines
two cell phones, a continuous glucose monitor (CGM), and a pump
at any one point in time there is a lot of beeping going on
its difficult to know what they mean

the good news is that his CGM has a variety of sounds that mean different things
he knows what they mean
when I ask, he will answer precisely what is going on at that moment
but when I ask for a bigger explanation he tells me its his job, not mine to know all of this

on one hand, that's fine
but one particular type of beeping is very loud and persistent
I have finally understood that this is the sound indicating low blood sugar
but he won't let me help

"I just ate ..."
whatever it is for the moment
soda, m&m's, a piece of bread.....

on one hand I am frustrated that I can't be of more help
on the other if he won't let me in, after all these years, there just is only so much I can do.....

sigh,,, the life of a wife of a diabetic

Tom is OK

I'm sure you are all waiting with baited breath hear the next step in the saga of my life :)
Well, today is better
Friday, Tom had to take the day off due to the Federal government sequester
so, we went to the beach -- for one night
its a really nice drive, the day was lovely, we talked and stopped for lunch
it was a great break
we had a very nice dinner Friday night
we walked around
we talked
what can I say
it was so nice
and it was all about me

well...
almost
he had a few minutes of lows, and his GCM beeped quite a few times
but we handled it just fine
and he was there for me

very nice....

MORE bad news

I don't know how I am supposed to deal with life right now
yesterday my dog died
Friday night she was literally screaming in pain
it was awful

my heart just hurts

I am trying to just breathe
at moments its hard to do that.....

Baad Evening!

Poor Tom -- feeling like he has no control of his sugar!
Poor me -- feeling like she has no control over anything!

Late afternoon -- we agree to go to the grocery store and then my mom's for dinner
At the grocery store, I notice he is very grumpy -- not so like him

we get in the car to drive away, and it hits me
"Tom, what does your monitor say?"
"...... 70 and going down -- maybe you should drive"
we are in an intersection. 
I ask him to switch places and he says ok
but he doesn't know what to do
I put the car in park and get out
encourage him to switch places
fortunately the car behind is patient

I hand him candy and drive away
he is quiet

we stop at a liquor store to get beer and wine for dinner
and for him to get a real candy bar

clearly his sugar hasn't reached normal
we leave one store and are on our way to another
he asks for the car keys
and I won't give them to him
he says I am cruel

he is right
he wasn't going to get in the car and drive away
but I was scared

he got his candy bar and I drove us to my mom's
I apologized and he forgave -- even understood
but there was an edge to the rest of the evening

my sister was at my mom's and made dinner
 yummy shrimp quesadillas

the minute we were in the car driving away
Tom was complaining about the food
it had way too many carbs

What????
Well, the corn in the quesadilla, the quacamole, and the rice
huh?
there was hardly any corn in the dish
where is the carb in the quac -- other than in regular salad
and why did you eat the rice?

there was an argument for everything
when he checked his sugar was "over 300"
and he didn't know how to get it down without dropping too low

by the way, he dropped to below 50 last night and we had trouble getting him up

I'm exhausted and feel so frustrated

does he have an eating disorder?
or is he super vigilant about his diabetes?
what's the difference?????

I'm struggling with this tonight.

Really Struggling

Why does life feel so difficult right now?
I can't pinpoint anything
Yes, I know, my dad passed away
but its not like I'm dwelling on that
but now I have a cold
and I'm exhausted all the time
everything just seems so hard
I don't want to get out of bed in the morning

Tom is trying
he is taking care of himself
but me -- I'm not there......