Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day

At first I thought it really was a calm weekend, just as planned
but he fooled me, again.

I went for orange juice this morning - and the bottle was empty
Tom doesn't drink orange juice -- unless he needs sugar
I just bought that bottle on Saturday when I went shopping

Now I am thinking back over the weekend
the beeping monitor
the angry outbursts -- that I ignored and walked away from
the empty soda bottle (the sugar kind) that was in an unexpected place

Doesn't it just amaze you when you realize that you are a detective also?

True, I love reading detective novels and watching them on tv
but I didn't really think I do it!


Put all the clues together and there it is
he was swinging all weekend

he must have been very high when he was so mean Saturday afternoon and I walked out of the house

He told me he was low and asked me to drive to dinner that night and then again Sunday morning when we went out, he asked me to drive -- these are not normal for him

it goes on -- I won't bore you

it is also odd, because despite the few moments -- we had a very nice weekend

Living in the DC area is a wonderful thing -- we went down to the Capitol and watched the PBS concert. It was wonderful -- very emotional!

Being from the Viet Nam generation, it is an odd feeling to once again be on the National Mall during such an event. I'm certain it has to do with age and the times we currently live in -- but today I have an entirely new perspective on everything

I still detest war -- it feels wrong to send young people to kill other people
But yesterday's ceremony seemed as much about honoring the people who made it back as it was remembering the ones who didn't. That was good.

Very moving!

They fight battles in other parts of the world, we fight battles every day in our own homes,

Now I am very tired,,,

as I said, it was an emotional weekend...

Tom's Wife

Thursday, May 27, 2010


Tom ran out of supplies this weekend, while we were in the middle of a huge family event

I don't understand

Nothing bad happened, but really, how does someone run out?

His monitor ran out of inserts -- I'm not saying that I totally understand all of the pieces and dynamics of that

However, the key point is that he had run out of inserts and had not ordered new ones
He was waiting for -- something to happen -- I don't know what -- and then he would order more ???

why would he wait? why not order more when he is down to one or two? its not like insurance won't let him....

I know this, because its my insurance policy and I have ordered them for him through the on-line program.

I didn't understand why he was in such a bad mood last week - being really nasty to me in the days before the party. then on Saturday morning (the party was on Saturday night) he went really low and I saved him once again. he admitted that he was having trouble with his automatic meter -- it just wasn't working right -- he was frustrated and trying to force it work

Well you and I both know that it wasn't working and that he was probably swinging high and low for days before I finally caught him in the big low

sigh, how can you help someone who makes it really difficult to figure out there is a problem

Once we identified the problem with the meter, he got back on-program, did "manual" testing and was fine. he ordered new supplies on Monday morning and will install the new insert tonight. So I know this is just one of those blips, but why would he put himself (and me) through this?

tell me, are his mood swings worse than ours?
and, we usually don't mind admitting that we have ours,
Tom is loathe to admit that he is in a bad mood much less
that he is having a bad moment relative to his sugar

Oh well, I'm glad he is back to steady
I hope everyone else will get to have a peaceful night
personally I'm getting ready to have an early night

sleep well and take care.

Tom's Wife

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

trying to be supportive

today I received an email from another spouse who is trying to cope
her list of experienced is similar to all of ours who have been with spouses with the disease

I am finding that being married to a Diabetic 2 is very difficult. I also have been put in the role of nurse, parent, coach, mind-reader, researcher and breadwinner sole provider. He has been unable to work due to all the bad days the past few years. Now he has neuropathy in both his feet and while he is only 47 years old it is like I am taking care of an elderly man. I have also worried about being too bossy and not caring enough but he acts like a little kid and refuses to do what needs to be done like remembering to take the meds during the day while I am at work. Or blood test and doctors visits if I am not there to take him. It is a never-ending, never-winning struggle

How can I help?
None of us can do it all, though it seems like we try
I love him, and it seems absurd to me that I would leave him because he is ill
then again, I never knew that illness involved being screamed at and treated so badly

I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would lay awake all night making sure that his heart was still beating after having gone so low that the paramedics had to stick him with so much glucose a cow would go into overdrive

there is no reason

there is no rhyme

this is just life

if you asked me a question I would try to answer it

at the moment, Tom and I are in a good place
he is doing really well with his diabetes
I am grateful every day

it hasn't always been this way
and I know that it won't always be this way

I know the day will come when it will get bad again
very bad

We haven't heard from DW in awhile and that scares me a lot
I realize that she is either very busy with her husband
or, well, worse
I wish her the best in the world
and I wish I could take care of her and of all of us

I don't know how

All any of us can do is get up each day and do our best
take care of yourself first
because if you are not well, you can't take care of anyone else

we forget this most of the time
but it is SO true!!!

be good to yourself
even if it is only for 5 minutes
close your eyes
breathe deeply
imagine you are in a safe, quiet place
shut out all the busyness of your life
and find peace -- just for those 5 minutes

you deserve it

you will be better for it

I hope you sleep well tonight
it is the best wish I can offer

write to me some more
and tell me your thoughts

it helps me too

Tom's Wife

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Trying to Keep Up

Tom continues to do well - what a relief!
I just hope that it continues - May is looking to be a very tough month
We both are having significant job stress
On top of that four of the five weekends are filled with family
(a little too much for us)
So we have made it through two of those weekends
next weekend we have "off" -- we think
then the following two weekends will be family packed

I am hoping that Tom handles the stress better than I do
when I don't do well, I just don't sleep well
when he doesn't do well, his glucose goes low
(probably high also) but I see the lows

We haven't heard from DW in awhile and that's a little concerning
JustLittleMe posted to her blog recently
She and several other wives get together occasionally to share
How terrific!

We are having a wonderful spring where I live
I just love this weather
Hot one day, cooler the next
its been hotter than most springs
but that's ok
it makes me happy
the days are longer so when I leave work its still light outside
great time of year

For all of you spouses out there that are not having a good spring
because your spouse is struggling with his/her glucose
keep the faith, there will be better days
And, even if you only get a minute today when you can be alone
then try to take a minute and close your eyes and take a deep breath
think of a good time you had with your spouse and just remember -- just for that minute

then open your eyes and get back to your responsibilities
know that there are others in your court.
we know what you are going through
we are there with you

Tom's Wife