Monday, October 12, 2009

A New "High"

Always something new
Over the weekend, Tom's pump malfunctioned
and he wasn't getting any insulin
He was up multiple times Saturday night
struggling to figure out why he felt so badly
and then finally threw up around 6 am
it wasn't until around 7:30 am when he realized what the problem was
by then he diagnosed the ketosis for what it was

But being high makes him very sick
I guess its different for everyone
He was sick all day even though he figured it out and removed the pump
he went back to the manual method
he tested about every hour and gave himself direct shots of insulin
called the company and has a new pump being delivered tomorrow

I have to say that I'm impressed with him
he is really taking care of himself

what a nice change!
quite different from when he gets low!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Heart Pain

Sometimes my heart just hurts.
For my husband who has been working really hard lately to keep his sugar in control. We have had a really good week - sometimes that's all one can ask for. and he is really trying - but its so hard. he gets frustrated. Last night the stupid monitor started beeping in the middle of the night and he was up three times. His frustration was almost as loud as the stupid beeping of the device.

Then there are the spouses out there -- some diabetics don't appear to try at all. I say "appear" because none of us know what is in anyone else's thoughts. The spouses bear the worry and frustration of watching the slow death of their loved one. One person I know has a wife who refuses to take control of her eating habits and yet gets in the car to drive their children about -- she may be high or low -- the young children are starting to take care of mom. They now know how to give her sugar, to call 911, and other things. Its really scary.

In an unrelated area, a woman I know is in serious financial trouble. She has lots of credit card debt, the house she is renting is about to be sold; she can buy it from the owner but she doesn't have the money to do so. She is divorced, has two kids, one just started college the other a junior in high school. Her job history isn't great even though she is smart and is college educated and respected in her industry. She doesn't buy lots of stuff - no fancy car, no fancy restaurants or great clothes -- but she doesn't save a dime either. She has "borrowed" money from every family member and friend who would give her something and never paid it back. You can't help feeling sorry for her because you look at her and just know that this is a person who may never get it together. But how do you help her?

Someone else has a very old mother - this mother is not sick per se - just old. the mother wants to die so just exists. She is in a nursing home - the aids feed her, change her clothes, and move her around so that she does not get bed sores. This woman just doesn't care any more. (compare that to Senator Ted Kennedy who was still reading to under-privileged kids in DC until just a couple of weeks before he died)

So, I'm in a mood where my heart is hurting for all of these other people. My life feels blessed. I have so much and I do all I can for others - but there just isn't enough to go around. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


How does one define loneliness? Isn't it more than just being alone?

I have a large family - 4 sisters (3 of whom are married), 10 nieces and nephews, my parents are still around, and that's just my side of the family. We are very close and get together frequently (too frequently sometimes)

I have many friends -- some who live nearby and some who live in other cities. But sometimes I get very, very lonely. I had always hoped to have a close relationship with my husband, that I would always have someone to depend upon, that I wouldn't feel alone.

But that just didn't work out. Sometimes, he can be very sweet. He thinks he is very reliable -- and he is reliable on some issues. But often, when I really need to feel wanted, comforted, he is just not there.

Yeah, I feel lonely. I go to work everyday, surrounded by people, some days it feels like every single person in my life wants something from me. and I'm supposed to be strong for everyone. some days, there just is no one with whom I can share my burdens, my fears. I thought that person would be my husband. but it isn't. He's one of the burdens a lot of the time.