Peace and Thanks

I've been away from this space for a few weeks
Work has been crazy busy and just plain crazy
Sometimes its just too much
But that's a place I allow it to be

I understand that I am a caretaker
for my husband, for my family and friends, and for my work
so when something isn't right, I try to fix it
even the "un-fixable"
even when its "not my job"
I try to dream "the impossible dream"
and them I get really tired
or really cranky or really angry

why don't people do what's obviously the right thing to do?
but really, all along its me

The same is really true with Tom
its really not my job to fix him
at the moment he seems to be managing his diabetes well
I call it being at peace with the disease
I haven't noticed any major swings

his moods seem to be stable, no obvious serious lows
(his highs are less obvious)
and we are getting along very well

My heart is breaking for Wife of A Diabetic
She is continuing to go through so much
for anyone who has not gone through this particular event
its hard to imagine

just like its hard to imagine what it must be like to live through a tornado or earthquake until you have done it

many of us probably have terrible sympathy for the people living in Haiti or the middle East where they live through day after day of never ending trials and tribulations that we can't imagine

Living with a diabetic going through a bad time is sort of like that

there is no end in sight
He (or she) just can't seem to get back in rhythm
you are the one who simply must take control
otherwise -- he dies!
It really does come down to that!

So you watch and you wait and you don't sleep
and you count and you write and you measure
and you feed and you argue and on and on and on

and you share with others
and that helps a little
but then you feel bad for "complaining"
because geez, in the end its not really helping
and they didn't sign up for this either

the cycle is endless

And you just want peace and quiet

Thank you Tom for giving me peace right now
I appreciate it more than you know

I recognize that it won't always be this way
but I'm grateful for today
and just want to say thank you

(No, he is not reading this. but putting it here helps me prepare to say it to him when I see him later)

Also a quick thank you to those who have sent me notes recently
Yes, I'm here and doing well.

Take care and sleep well tonight

Tom's wife