Didn't Realize how much time has gone by

thank you, DW, time really just flies
I've been checking in and reading your posts
but didn't recognize that I haven't written in so long

to be honest, this is not my best time of year
too much stress

you know that my job is very difficult
there is hope on the horizon, but in the meantime,
well my new mantra is "I work for a lunatic"
maybe if I say that every time he says something that makes me angry
then maybe I can get by for another day of his insensitive horrible behavior

in the meantime, my dad's health is ok
and Tom has actually been doing ok and being fairly nice to me

I am dreading the annual visit to my in-laws for XMas
Tom only wants to stay 3 days so at least it won't last long
but it is always so difficult
I totally recognize that this may be my feelings about them
but I just totally dislike my mother in law and frankly I believe she dislikes me
there is so much history -- even when I go in with a good attitude it only takes about 4 seconds before I want to scream

Now we have two of our nephews who are ex-cons
a niece who has an equally messed up life
and a drug-addicted brother (of Tom)

It is so miserable -- with everyone pretending to be happy and enjoying each other ignoring the white elephants in the room.

I know its only a couple of days a year
but they don't let me be me
I try to stay to myself, take the dog for walks, and stay out of conversations
but it doesn't work
someone will follow me out the door
or into one of the bedrooms (where I have gone to read)
If I don't participate in a conversation someone will ask what's wrong or am I angry or whatever,
I really can't win

OK, I'll stop, I'm getting agitated just writing about it
I am not going to think about it until I'm there

My heart is with you guys as you support your guys
I hope you are taking care of yourselves also

honestly, I've been trying to do that lately
don't think I've been doing such a good job of it
but I'll get by

take care
Tom's Wife