For TXDW

I am copying responses here in addition to posting them in the comments
I always worry that people miss them when they are buried in the posting section

you really are not alone!
read on:

To TX DW: My heart goes out to you! 41 years is a long time. I have been gone from my husband for 2 months now, and yes, I was little more than the maid, cook, and verbal punching bag. Now that I am gone, he is paying someone else to do most of what I did. Hopefully he is not yelling at her when she comes to clean! I don't know what "normal" is anymore either. I was speaking to a friend of mine the other day about our separation. She said she understood, as she has never (?!) been happy in her marriage. I always thought they had a great marriage, and her hubby is not diabetic. Maybe we all have our own story to tell? Take care, and take the time to be good to yourself . . . Hugs, Lilly on Don't Lose Faith

And another one:

Definitely not alone. I've only been married and dealing with some of the scarier sides of diabetes for only 3 months. I wonder what it will be like in 40 years. My husband is actually pretty compliant, but it is exhausting playing nurse, housekeeper motivator, dietitian, mathematician... I can't comprehend what it will be like aa time and stubborness goes by

So, do what you need to do to take care of yourself!
we are here to offer support

Fake Out

Lilly
not to worry
I made a big mistake on the change of name with the Tom's Wife post
everything seems to be ok and I'm still here

I was trying to "clean up" my blog and thought I deleted stuff
to say I am not so good at the blog stuff is an understatement

all is good

thanks for asking!

Don't Lose Faith!

I am so sad that I received the following post from TX DW:

Bad day...bad weekend...Spent weekend with old friends...,high school and before friends...40th anniversary party...anyway I see other couples and I want a normal marriage...a semi- loving one...a better one...I just don't want this disease anymore....I am truly miserable and I see no way out....please help me. Am I t only one who hates so much...I just want something better in the last years....think I'm up truly having a pity party...Can I truly depend on friends for the things I need...things you want from your husband of 41 years to provide...where do I go....way can do?...I truly feel I am here to SERVE him...desmestically...cook, clean wash, iron, pay bills...,things yep that can be hired out...not a partnership much less a marriage...I am truly failing at this.

Please hang in there for the moment!
I can understand your despair but am not sure how to help
first, you are not the only one --  there are many of us!
I'm not even sure what a normal marriage is anymore
At this moment in time, I am not hating, but I am pitying him
he would dislike that of course
the dietician told him he is killing himself
and he refuses to eat better
he eats too little (not too much like other dh's)
but killing himself anyway

I too am tired of the drama
tired of not getting taken care of

I find that I cannot depend on friends too much
they are helpless and have their own problems
believe it or not their marriages are probably not "normal" either
no matter what they tell you

can you take a break at all?
my heart is breaking for you
write to me again
I'll bet others will respond also

Dont Trust the Monitor?

Thanks for the comments on my last post
It seems that some people just want to over-control
and Tom is one of those people

Doesn't matter what type of diabetic a person is - if they are not eating a balanced diet,
its not healthy
change that!  if anyone is not eating a balanced diet, its not healthy

I certainly don't always eat balanced - so I am not a great role model
but Tom goes to the other extreme

He reports to me that he is doing better
but last night was crazy with the monitor beeping non-stop for two hours
reporting 56 one minute and then 250 ten minutes later

despite my repeated requests, it took awhile for him to actually test his blood
he was low - but not 56

it was frustrating

but mostly we have had a better week since the meeting with the dietician

Add Food! What a Shock!

The appointment with the dietician was great.
Bottom line, she told Tom that he needed to add almost 100 mg(?) of carbs a day!!!!!

she gave him scientific sounding reasons
he had gone so long on a low-carb diet that his system was completely depleted
his kidneys were trying to process protein into carbs after exercise because there was no sugar to process

she convinced him that he was causing more damage than good!

he still said he didn't like being there
he didn't want to go again
-- he actually told her that!

but she was terrific!
she never told him what to do!
she just said
"how about this"
and
"what do you think about that"
she had the best disposition

He agreed that he would add the extra carbs to his daily menu
its been two days and he told me that he did "ok" not great
I told him I was proud of him for trying

 we will see how the weekend goes....

Big Day Tomorrow

Tom and I go to his new dietician tomorrow
we have been sometimes keeping a food diary for the last two weeks
it is not very detailed - but at least its a start
its enough for me to know he does not get enough to eat in a day
its enough for me to understand why he goes so low so often
and yes it happens many times a week -- even  twice a day

should be interesting.......