So DW is still on my mind
its been almost a week since her husband had his surgery
I hope everything is ok
In the meantime
we all continue with our lives
In my case, Tom is really doing well
My stress level is off the charts with work stuff
and my "cold" just won't go away even the weather is finally getting better
Thank you to those of you who have sent in comments
I am certain that DW knows and appreciates the concern also
But as each of tries to do such a good job of living our lives the "right" way
and we want others to live their lives
Well, when put that way
Don't we recognize that there really is no "right" way?
what may seem amazing to some of you.
but there are some people that would prefer to live a short life where they can do whatever they want -- eat whatever they want whenever they want -- than to live a long life and have to limit what they like and exercise when they don't want to.
That may not make sense to you -- but it is not your decision to make
It only matters when actions like that have results that impact others on a day-to-day basis
like diabetic comas and heart surgeries due to diabetes
sigh! life is so hard sometimes
there is no right way to do things
have a better day tomorrow
toms wife
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Heavy on my mind
DW is on my mind for the past few days,
I have been thinking of her and her husband and what they must be going through
While I go through my daily stuff, she comes to mind
and rude people, work issues, bad drivers, just don't seem so bad
On the other hand, my husband's low the other day felt worse
It felt like a reminder - an idea that today its a low that I can take care of
but tomorrow, it could be a heart condition that requires invasive surgery
It is so scary
I have said it before and will say it again
I wish I had the wisdom to help others
I haven't been angry lately -- which is good
but I so understand the anger of others
it is scary and something that is so totally out of your control
He leaves you to handle everything - including him
Then at the end of it all - when things may start to get a little better
when you start to think maybe retirement may happen - or something like that
you find yourself in DW's shoes, big surgery -- a different kind of scary
Thoughts and hopes and even prayers (of whatever kind) out to her and her family
We wait for a good word
Tom's Wife
I have been thinking of her and her husband and what they must be going through
While I go through my daily stuff, she comes to mind
and rude people, work issues, bad drivers, just don't seem so bad
On the other hand, my husband's low the other day felt worse
It felt like a reminder - an idea that today its a low that I can take care of
but tomorrow, it could be a heart condition that requires invasive surgery
It is so scary
I have said it before and will say it again
I wish I had the wisdom to help others
I haven't been angry lately -- which is good
but I so understand the anger of others
it is scary and something that is so totally out of your control
He leaves you to handle everything - including him
Then at the end of it all - when things may start to get a little better
when you start to think maybe retirement may happen - or something like that
you find yourself in DW's shoes, big surgery -- a different kind of scary
Thoughts and hopes and even prayers (of whatever kind) out to her and her family
We wait for a good word
Tom's Wife
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Dealing with Lows
Handling a diabetic low is SO HARD!!
what is low?
Depends on the person, depends on if its going down or going up
Yikes!
Once it is in the danger zone, all the caregiver wants to do is get it up!
Once he (the diabetic) has gone into diabetic shock - or close to it -- all you can do is react
and you want to get the number up fast!
The old solution was always orange juice
and a paramedic had told me to mix in granulated sugar
But Tom would rarely drink the OJ I tried to give him
The best thing that works is the little tubes of glucose that we buy from the pharmacy
a prescription is not needed but sometimes its behind the counter (no idea why)
but if its not that serious (or I'm out of the glucose tubes) I'll try to get him to drink some kind of sugary drink -- soda, juice, anything. But always with a straw if he can't drink easily by himself.
If its not really low, if its just sort of staying low - the key is eating often
I think the best thing that Tom started eating is Nuts!
He has changed his evening snack to nuts and that has helped a lot
he likes mixed nuts -- but sometimes he gets one kind -- peanuts are the type he would buy for himself most often (that maybe because they cost the least and he hates to spend more than he has to ever!)
and they are pretty good for him -- he gets the unsalted kind
So, those are my thoughts
hope it helps!
Tom's Wife
what is low?
Depends on the person, depends on if its going down or going up
Yikes!
Once it is in the danger zone, all the caregiver wants to do is get it up!
Once he (the diabetic) has gone into diabetic shock - or close to it -- all you can do is react
and you want to get the number up fast!
The old solution was always orange juice
and a paramedic had told me to mix in granulated sugar
But Tom would rarely drink the OJ I tried to give him
The best thing that works is the little tubes of glucose that we buy from the pharmacy
a prescription is not needed but sometimes its behind the counter (no idea why)
but if its not that serious (or I'm out of the glucose tubes) I'll try to get him to drink some kind of sugary drink -- soda, juice, anything. But always with a straw if he can't drink easily by himself.
If its not really low, if its just sort of staying low - the key is eating often
I think the best thing that Tom started eating is Nuts!
He has changed his evening snack to nuts and that has helped a lot
he likes mixed nuts -- but sometimes he gets one kind -- peanuts are the type he would buy for himself most often (that maybe because they cost the least and he hates to spend more than he has to ever!)
and they are pretty good for him -- he gets the unsalted kind
So, those are my thoughts
hope it helps!
Tom's Wife
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Warnings Can Be a Double Edged Sword
I just finished reading DW's last post
OMG! How many of us are thinking: when will it be our turn?
Our hearts go out to you, DW
We are sending you whatever strength we have left to give
We, who read your blog, hear your message
But, then again, there must be other control freaks like Tom
So while your husband never tested, Tom tests but he stops eating
he has lost so much weight -- I actually worry about that!
(I know some of you just wish!)
And he drinks so much diet soda! He will drink 8 2-liter bottles every weekend
He also believes in the A1c because the doctors still do
And there is no getting off of that
Also, if I showed him your blog, he would take that as reason to keep his glucose number even lower than he does now
For those who read my blog, you know that Tom tries to keep his number below 100
He does such a "good" job of it that the local paramedics know us well
Tom is terrified of the issues DW is describing and so he tries to keep his number low
I wonder what heart damage he is causing by going down to 20 and 30 so often
personally -- and I am no medical professional -- that just can't be good for his heart either
This is all so distressing!
Diabetes is an awful disease and it impacts every member of the family
While clearly the person with the disease is in charge because in the end it is his body
We have to deal with the consequences
Sometimes, we don't mind
For instance, there are times when I absolutely love preparing great, healthy food for him
Or taking long walks in evenings
I certainly benefit also!
But of course, its the unexpected consequences that are so hard
The medical problems, the awful mood swings, the nasty behavior (which they don't even know about)...
We seem to be in a little period of relatively good health
No terrible moods, only one mild low (that I know about)
I can concentrate on sending my best hopes to DW
Till the next time........
Tom's Wife
OMG! How many of us are thinking: when will it be our turn?
Our hearts go out to you, DW
We are sending you whatever strength we have left to give
We, who read your blog, hear your message
But, then again, there must be other control freaks like Tom
So while your husband never tested, Tom tests but he stops eating
he has lost so much weight -- I actually worry about that!
(I know some of you just wish!)
And he drinks so much diet soda! He will drink 8 2-liter bottles every weekend
He also believes in the A1c because the doctors still do
And there is no getting off of that
Also, if I showed him your blog, he would take that as reason to keep his glucose number even lower than he does now
For those who read my blog, you know that Tom tries to keep his number below 100
He does such a "good" job of it that the local paramedics know us well
Tom is terrified of the issues DW is describing and so he tries to keep his number low
I wonder what heart damage he is causing by going down to 20 and 30 so often
personally -- and I am no medical professional -- that just can't be good for his heart either
This is all so distressing!
Diabetes is an awful disease and it impacts every member of the family
While clearly the person with the disease is in charge because in the end it is his body
We have to deal with the consequences
Sometimes, we don't mind
For instance, there are times when I absolutely love preparing great, healthy food for him
Or taking long walks in evenings
I certainly benefit also!
But of course, its the unexpected consequences that are so hard
The medical problems, the awful mood swings, the nasty behavior (which they don't even know about)...
We seem to be in a little period of relatively good health
No terrible moods, only one mild low (that I know about)
I can concentrate on sending my best hopes to DW
Till the next time........
Tom's Wife
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
BAD Day!
Was today a bad day for everyone? Or was it just the people around me?
It feels like such an ugly day, where do I start?
Starting with DW's comment:
He is looking at life saving surgery and keeping him from having a heart attack between now and then is the number 1 focus for both of us.
Then, from someone else:
He is unable to work and I have to support not only him but also a mother who is gobbling up huge sums of family assets in an assisted living facility. ...... He is overweight and does not excercise due to the pain in his stomach. He is very irretable and yells and screams....We live in a condo that I never wanted and hate with new rules that are making my life miserable. I regret ever selling our single family house. This place is way too small to live in with someone who is chronically ill. I have no place to escape. We also brought along our 15 year old large dog who is way too old and too big to be living with us here...... We can only due to new condo rules,we can now keep only one car here so that the logistics of getting the other car make it easier for me to stay home at night..... He is so clingy that he is smothering me. he is talking about not living until 2011 because of the illness and keeps saying he will die of a heart attack. He is afraid to be left home alone. We own the business so that he sits there with me all day but rarely does any work. he sleeps off and on during the day and is up every 3 hours on a good night.
I wish I were wiser -- I wish I could provide some words to help
But, after an absolutely horrible day at work, I got home at 7:30
and found my diabetic husband snow blowing the ice that has built up at the end of our driveway from the recent snow that never went away! He had come home from work, went to the store, went to the cleaners, and now was blowing snow. Did he eat? No! What was his glucose? Who knows? Not him. Not me -- Oh, wait, I took one look at his face and I knew -- no, not the exact number -- that's impossible -- but I KNEW!!!!
So we go through the routine, PLEASE drink some orange juice, PLEASE test yourself, PLEASE tell me what your monitor says, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.....
I am so sick of it.
So now he is eating, and he is mad at me because he says his glucose is TOO HIGH! and he is not hungry for food. Why is this my fault? He is the one who let it get so low? When we spoke at 5:30, and at 5:45 and at 6:00 and at 6:15 (yes he called me all those times) I asked (begged) him to eat something. But NO!!!!! He wants to wait for me! Please tell me, does this make sense to you? Because it does not make a bit of sense to me.
I KNOW in my heart it is not just men, but I wnt to be angry and I want blame and so I want to have a label to put on who I blame -- so all of you men out there -- especially those of you with diabetes -- I am very angry at you!
You know that didn't help at all
Maybe if I try it this way: I HATE YOU!!
No, that didn't work either.
I am just really angry and blame doesn't work either
So then I get tired and sad and defeated
This is my life -- I write this because I know of no other way to get these feelings out of my system
I'm not sure it helps but I have to try
when some of you write and tell me you feel the same it actually helps
Not that everyone is as angry as I am
but its there
Like my friends above, sometimes the men are mean and then sometimes they are scared and hurting and all we want to do is help them -- after all what are we going to do without them?
If they were horrible people, we wouldn't have fallen in love with them in the first place, would we? what would that say about us?
If I didn't say it earlier, I just feel exhausted -- Tom just turned the Olympics on and that is worse!! all this energy to compete in activities that make no sense to me at all. What difference does it make if one person is faster skiing down a mountain than another? really! Or someone tries one stupid jump or another? We are so mired in real life and death issues -- how can these people make so light of it? I don't understand it. Is competition a male trait? Or is it a human trait?
On the other hand, I really enjoy watching the ice skating -- I just wish it wasn't about competition! what's wrong with me?
I want everyone to win!
OK, I am going to stop because I have rambled on too long.
Its almost 9 pm and I am going to bed
no dinner tonight -- I just can't even think of eating
it turns my tummy tonight
I am going to leave you with this last thought
I often wonder if some people actually enjoy every day of life
I enjoy some part of many days, but I can't honestly say that I enjoy all of every day
Maybe that is more of a comment on me than it is one something else
but it is my life
Best wishes for every spouse of every diabetic out there
Best wishes for every diabetic
This is one of the most difficult diseases
We know too much
we think we can control it
But the truth is
the body is way more complex than anything a human being can manage
we pretend to be in charge
but in fact
it is an illusion
it is a perception that we can really know
we don't
we can only do our best.....
but some days, our best has to be enough
peaceful sleep..........
It feels like such an ugly day, where do I start?
Starting with DW's comment:
He is looking at life saving surgery and keeping him from having a heart attack between now and then is the number 1 focus for both of us.
Then, from someone else:
He is unable to work and I have to support not only him but also a mother who is gobbling up huge sums of family assets in an assisted living facility. ...... He is overweight and does not excercise due to the pain in his stomach. He is very irretable and yells and screams....We live in a condo that I never wanted and hate with new rules that are making my life miserable. I regret ever selling our single family house. This place is way too small to live in with someone who is chronically ill. I have no place to escape. We also brought along our 15 year old large dog who is way too old and too big to be living with us here...... We can only due to new condo rules,we can now keep only one car here so that the logistics of getting the other car make it easier for me to stay home at night..... He is so clingy that he is smothering me. he is talking about not living until 2011 because of the illness and keeps saying he will die of a heart attack. He is afraid to be left home alone. We own the business so that he sits there with me all day but rarely does any work. he sleeps off and on during the day and is up every 3 hours on a good night.
I wish I were wiser -- I wish I could provide some words to help
But, after an absolutely horrible day at work, I got home at 7:30
and found my diabetic husband snow blowing the ice that has built up at the end of our driveway from the recent snow that never went away! He had come home from work, went to the store, went to the cleaners, and now was blowing snow. Did he eat? No! What was his glucose? Who knows? Not him. Not me -- Oh, wait, I took one look at his face and I knew -- no, not the exact number -- that's impossible -- but I KNEW!!!!
So we go through the routine, PLEASE drink some orange juice, PLEASE test yourself, PLEASE tell me what your monitor says, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.....
I am so sick of it.
So now he is eating, and he is mad at me because he says his glucose is TOO HIGH! and he is not hungry for food. Why is this my fault? He is the one who let it get so low? When we spoke at 5:30, and at 5:45 and at 6:00 and at 6:15 (yes he called me all those times) I asked (begged) him to eat something. But NO!!!!! He wants to wait for me! Please tell me, does this make sense to you? Because it does not make a bit of sense to me.
I KNOW in my heart it is not just men, but I wnt to be angry and I want blame and so I want to have a label to put on who I blame -- so all of you men out there -- especially those of you with diabetes -- I am very angry at you!
You know that didn't help at all
Maybe if I try it this way: I HATE YOU!!
No, that didn't work either.
I am just really angry and blame doesn't work either
So then I get tired and sad and defeated
This is my life -- I write this because I know of no other way to get these feelings out of my system
I'm not sure it helps but I have to try
when some of you write and tell me you feel the same it actually helps
Not that everyone is as angry as I am
but its there
Like my friends above, sometimes the men are mean and then sometimes they are scared and hurting and all we want to do is help them -- after all what are we going to do without them?
If they were horrible people, we wouldn't have fallen in love with them in the first place, would we? what would that say about us?
If I didn't say it earlier, I just feel exhausted -- Tom just turned the Olympics on and that is worse!! all this energy to compete in activities that make no sense to me at all. What difference does it make if one person is faster skiing down a mountain than another? really! Or someone tries one stupid jump or another? We are so mired in real life and death issues -- how can these people make so light of it? I don't understand it. Is competition a male trait? Or is it a human trait?
On the other hand, I really enjoy watching the ice skating -- I just wish it wasn't about competition! what's wrong with me?
I want everyone to win!
OK, I am going to stop because I have rambled on too long.
Its almost 9 pm and I am going to bed
no dinner tonight -- I just can't even think of eating
it turns my tummy tonight
I am going to leave you with this last thought
I often wonder if some people actually enjoy every day of life
I enjoy some part of many days, but I can't honestly say that I enjoy all of every day
Maybe that is more of a comment on me than it is one something else
but it is my life
Best wishes for every spouse of every diabetic out there
Best wishes for every diabetic
This is one of the most difficult diseases
We know too much
we think we can control it
But the truth is
the body is way more complex than anything a human being can manage
we pretend to be in charge
but in fact
it is an illusion
it is a perception that we can really know
we don't
we can only do our best.....
but some days, our best has to be enough
peaceful sleep..........
Monday, February 22, 2010
Hope for DW
DW - I feel your anger
IT IS SO NOT FAIR!
I hate the medical "industry"
All of us get caught in the web of being told "here is how to do things"
and we believe them
in the case of your husband, he believed the A1c tests
we all do to some extent
Maybe its because we need to believe in something
there is so little we, as the spouse, can do -- we allow ourselves to be pacified
well, at least the A1c is ok
Its not what I experience, but if the doctors say its good, well then maybe its ok
If we don't do that, maybe we will always be in a state of frantic worry
Your words of advice are valuable to me
But does anyone really think I can get Tom to test his glucose 8 times a day, much less at night?
Yeah, he has a monitor that is supposed to test it constantly
but first of all, that assumes it works properly all the time -- NOT!
secondly, someone has to look at the individual results, not just the average
Guess what, that doesn't happen either
I have tried to preach what you are saying for years,
that the average is not good enough, the highs and lows are the problem
this is just a common sense idea to me -- do we really have to prove it?
Too bad for me, I'm wrong, how can I -- just his wife -- argue with the doctors!
So, those of us in the trenches with no medical background understand common sense
but until some male scientist proves it, well we are just talking to the wind
at least that's my bitter attitude speaking.
Good Luck, DW
I'm right there beside you.
Tom's Wife
IT IS SO NOT FAIR!
I hate the medical "industry"
All of us get caught in the web of being told "here is how to do things"
and we believe them
in the case of your husband, he believed the A1c tests
we all do to some extent
Maybe its because we need to believe in something
there is so little we, as the spouse, can do -- we allow ourselves to be pacified
well, at least the A1c is ok
Its not what I experience, but if the doctors say its good, well then maybe its ok
If we don't do that, maybe we will always be in a state of frantic worry
Your words of advice are valuable to me
But does anyone really think I can get Tom to test his glucose 8 times a day, much less at night?
Yeah, he has a monitor that is supposed to test it constantly
but first of all, that assumes it works properly all the time -- NOT!
secondly, someone has to look at the individual results, not just the average
Guess what, that doesn't happen either
I have tried to preach what you are saying for years,
that the average is not good enough, the highs and lows are the problem
this is just a common sense idea to me -- do we really have to prove it?
Too bad for me, I'm wrong, how can I -- just his wife -- argue with the doctors!
So, those of us in the trenches with no medical background understand common sense
but until some male scientist proves it, well we are just talking to the wind
at least that's my bitter attitude speaking.
Good Luck, DW
I'm right there beside you.
Tom's Wife
Sunday, February 21, 2010
February Snow!
One would think that with all the snow we have had in the DC area, I would have had plenty of time to write. But when I wasn't shoveling or taking care of other people, I was zoned out! I did nothing for hours at a time! In my normal life, I am always on the go. working too many hours, taking care of my DH, my parents, and my other family and friends.
so writing in the blog took too much energy. That sounds incredibly stupid to me but its what happened.
The snow is still piled up -- still taller than a person at the end of my driveway. Yawn !
I really want it to be warm
so that's what is going on here -- working, shoveling, cooking, taking care of other people who need additional help in the weather. . .
Hoping that everyone else is having a warmer february than me
and I know that March will definitely be warmer
and the days are certainly getting longer -- that really makes me happy
Good Luck, DW -- we are all with you
thanks for the updates -- your hubby will get through this
You are strong and can deal with your role in it
Best wishes...
Tom's wife
so writing in the blog took too much energy. That sounds incredibly stupid to me but its what happened.
The snow is still piled up -- still taller than a person at the end of my driveway. Yawn !
I really want it to be warm
so that's what is going on here -- working, shoveling, cooking, taking care of other people who need additional help in the weather. . .
Hoping that everyone else is having a warmer february than me
and I know that March will definitely be warmer
and the days are certainly getting longer -- that really makes me happy
Good Luck, DW -- we are all with you
thanks for the updates -- your hubby will get through this
You are strong and can deal with your role in it
Best wishes...
Tom's wife
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