I'm Tired Too

After reading DW's post from Friday night, I'm with her
Suddenly, I'm really considering the idea of leaving
at the end of the day, its the mean-ness -- the selfishness
Over the last month there has been a definite increase in his mean treatment to me
it is probably not obvious to the casual observer
and if I were to list any one item, you would say - no big deal
you need a tougher skin

but why do I need to have a tougher skin at home
isn't that the place where I can be and just feel loved?
just feel safe?
why should I have to be home and worry about saying the wrong thing at the risk of being made fun of?

And as I said the other day, there is always the question as to whether it is diabetes-induced or just personality-induced

Also, as DW said, when they call you a liar -- because they just can never be wrong -- the pain builds up to a point where it is sometimes just too much to bear

I'm sitting across the room from Tom today and I can tell, he "doesn't know what is wrong" Why am I so angry today?

But I don't know if its "anger" as much as it is defeat
was this a personality "deficiency" he had before I met him and I missed it?
has his diabetes taken over so much of his life that I'm just an appendage?
I'm just there to help him survive?

I went on-line and looked at apartment rentals in the area today
clearly the money would be harder than it is today
but I could do it
I'm sure I would have times of loneliness - but not sure it would be worse than today

do you ever wonder whether the emotional toll on us -- which doesn't get measured -- is so different than the physical toll on them -- which does get measured. At least someone tries to treat theirs....

Its only 1 pm and I feel defeated for the day already.