Ahh, the beach

I love being on vacation
the plane lands, we arrive at the hotel, and I am transported
there is nothing better

Oops!
We can't take a vacation from our health
Tom picked up a bug - has been sick (stomach) all day
He is good about it -- I was at the pool all day
he didn't even tell me until I got back to the room at 5
he wants to be left alone to sleep it off
don't blame him
but he is not good about keeping hydrated

So I'm doing my best not to worry
but you know, you can never really turn it off
I'll go downstairs in awhile and have a small dinner
that doesn't bother me at all
I will pick up some saltines, some almonds, some soda
we already have water in the room
just so if he can, he can have something if/when he is able to

Its always something, yes?

Girls and Books and Dads

Being with the girls is great therapy
they understand

then again, books are such a terrific escape
I went to the bookstore to stock up
in preparation for the vacation

Found lots to read!
sometimes I can't find anything
other times I find a lot
today was a good day

had a big family brunch for father's day
Dad gave me an especially special hug
that was very meaningful
especially with everyone there
I really didn't have much time to talk with him
Suddenly now I'm feeling a little bad
that I haven't had time to spend just with him
but clearly he knows
I am very lucky to have such a great family
even if they overwhelm me at times

hoping for a good night of sleep
tom's wife

Priorities

You know how it is when you just have to make decisions to let things go?
I am one of those people who likes to have everything in its place
I don't go crazy about it
little bits of disorder is ok for periods of time
but then the family room just has to be cleaned up
or the stack of magazine just has to be sorted through and old ones thrown away

Yes, I hang up my clothes every night
my closet (which is large) is neat and organized
No, I don't have children and there is a reason for that

But even without children when you share a home with someone else
you have to compromise on some things
and one person's stuff could by another person's mess

Tom hates to throw anything away
I have no such problem
more often I'm sorry that I no longer have something that I threw away

We have a room that we set up as my office when we moved into this house
Tom's office is in another room
I got the silly notion that this meant that what was mine was mine and what was his was his
What was that about?

I never go into his office -- it is piled high with stuff (remember he doesn't throw things away)
No, he got to the point where he doesn't like using his office any more so he uses mine
now mine is starting to look like a mess also

It is so exhausting trying to keep it neat or trying not to be annoyed or arguing about it
I try not to get upset
but its really hard

The crazy thing is that on some things, Tom is very organized and when I have had enough and force the issue he works with me to clean it up and put everything away where it belongs

but why do I have to be the bad guy and demand it?
why can't he just do it?
I know, that's a stupid question

the thing that has me all riled up is that I went looking for something today
and of course I can't find it
on top of that, when I was moving his junk, a stack of papers fall on the floor
making a bigger mess
then a box of stuff fell on my foot -- OUCH

so I gave up
tomorrow I'll ask him if he can find what I was looking for
he will probably find it in two seconds
and he won't complain at all
because he is a nice guy like that
I'm the mean one

I really need this vacation
I made an appointment for a massage on my first day there

can't wait -- maybe I won't have to talk to almost anyone for a few days
see, I'm not so nice -- but that feels real appealing right now

happy weekend.
tom's wife

Being Tired and Moving Forward

DW is tired -- he doesn't do what he is supposed to and she has to deal with the consequences

Welcome to the life of a diabetic's wife -- I know there are exceptions to the rule
that's why they are "rules" -- right?

but certainly that explains my life

Tom has had a "cold" for the past two weeks
He has been so sick that he missed days of work -- he never does that
he even slept in the second bedroom -- he never does that either

Finally I nagged enough and he went to the doctor today
She diagnosed him with bronchitis and he believed her
Now he is on medicine - several of them
Now he is convinced that he is sick

Now I am sick
Why won't he listen to me?
what am I -- just a nag? clearly that's my purpose in his life....

In the meantime, I'm getting by
My quest for the next phase of my life goes on
Still questing, still pondering
one of these days I'll figure something out

in the meantime, next week I am taking a vacation
going to Key West for 5 days
can't wait

but still have a week to go

good night
good rest......

tom's wife

Age

I'm now 54 years old and I've been struggling for 4 years with being in my 50s
i didn't know why
today I had an epiphany
I am really struggling to figure out what's ahead
every time I try to talk about the future with Tom
he defines it in terms of money
what will it cost us to do this or that
I'm feeling scared of having the life of my parents or my parents in law
the wife taking care of the sick husband
really having no life at all
its really depressing
I'm wondering what I have to look forward to
in my brain I understand that this is not reasonable
I have control over my life
I can choose what I want my life to be

but emotionally, I just don't see anything good ahead
I see work ahead for the next 15 years
and then nothing but work of a different kind
and boredom

and then again, what do I want?
honestly, I can't even answer that question

I'm sort of jealous of DW who has discovered her art
I don't have a clue

poor pitiful me -- what a sad sack
I should be ashamed of myself because I have so much
but I have spent so much of my life focused on work
I don't know how to figure out what's next
and next feels crappy

that's it for tonight
I hope you are having a better night

tom's wife

Summer in DC

I love summer -- my favorite season
the hot weather, even some of the humidity -- its been a good weather year so far

Unfortunately, Tom got a very bad cold this year
He has not been this sick for this many days in a long time!
He stayed home from work for three days and from tennis for a week!
so unusual!
Well, he called it a cold - I think its more than that
I think he has had a fever -- and I don't think that's a cold, is it?
The good news is that he did a good job of managing his sugar this time
Frequently he doesn't eat when he is sick
but he did this time

Once again I am grateful that we are in a good place in his healthful life

As most of you know, it is not always that way
there have been times....

So true to my previous entry, I went back and posted all of the previous entries where people commented on my earlier entries

when you have some time so night, I entered comments - those of course, that I were appropriate -- and they are all posted


more to read

so, back to my summer theme -- so busy
outside a lot
going for a walk

have a good evening and sleep well

tom's wife

Comments and Chat

I spoke with my niece about my blog
well not specifically THIS ONE because I prefer to stay a little anonymous
but blogging in general

I won't bore you with the entire conversation, but the end result is that I am going to post more of your comments going forward. You see, I would write more often if it felt like I was having a conversation with friends, rather than me just blabbing about my problems to the air. If I wanted to just write for no one to see, I would go back to writing in my private journals. (actually I still do that)

On good days, I'm not sure I have anything to say -- and I certainly don't want to "show off"
and sometimes on bad days, I'm so exhausted or angry that writing is the last thing I want to do

So you guys can help.

Lynn, you have been great lately, and JustLittleMe occasionally sends really nice notes.
Those are just two people who are in similar situations and their comments will make this blog richer.

About once a month I receive an anonymous note from someone new -- I have tried to respond myself -- but now I think I should simply post those comments and let all of us try to support the new person.

Is this what a Blog is supposed to be for? I don't know. But its what I want to do now and my niece has given me permission. So help me out.

Let me know if you are sad, angry, defeated, hurt, or whatever by your diabetic husband. Or share your stories of how you have dealt with living with one. The rest of us can learn or laugh or cry with you.

I will continue to share my trials and tribulations -- because after all I started this whole thing -- but your input will make it all the richer.

thank you for the community -- hopefully we can all build a better support system out of it.

Tom's Wife

Support for Young Wifes of Diabetics

At the Memorial Day Ceremony, there was a thing about how a 20-year old woman lost her husband in the Afghanistan war -- she was devastated and it felt like no one understood. After a while it seemed like people wanted her to move on -- to get on with her life -- to "get over it"

She couldn't. She loved her husband. He had died in combat and she was devastated. She missed him every single day and she simply could not "move on" like other people wanted her to do.

Long story short, she found a woman through an on-line blog who had been through the same thing 30+ years earlier, during Viet Nam. The now-50+ "widow" understood, "advised" the young widow to work through her sorrow at her own pace, that there was no right or wrong way to miss her husband. that it was ok to miss him so badly. The two women "bonded' the older woman helped the younger, understood the pain and grief, provided support and counsel. The younger woman felt validated.

Can I be that type of role model for other women? I want to....
it certainly would have helped me at that age.
I had no idea that it was ok to be angry at my husband back then
I didn't know that it was reasonable to be upset when I realized at a very young age that I would never have "normal" sex again
No one explained to me the difference between a man who has a chronic illness like diabetes and one who has an illness that is more understood and truly can be managed

There is so much I didn't understand -- about him, about his disease and about me

I was so angry -- and I wouldn't face it -- in so many ways Tom was really good for me
He is still the right person for me in so many ways -- just as he was then

But now that I am in my 50's I understand so much more

So, if I can be a help to others,
If I can provide any guidance
or support
or encouragement
or whatever
to someone younger than me
(or older than me)
someone who lives with this disease
and yet doesn't really have first-hand control

that's what I would like to do

I say this is for wives -- that's what I know
husbands -- I support you also
but men really do look at things differently
If I can support you, terrific!!

For everyone who craves a good night's sleep
I wish you peace! and rest.

Tom's Wife

btw, thanks, Lynn for joining the club
it would be terrific if we had an entire team of dw bloggers
what a world we could build!