I'm now 54 years old and I've been struggling for 4 years with being in my 50s
i didn't know why
today I had an epiphany
I am really struggling to figure out what's ahead
every time I try to talk about the future with Tom
he defines it in terms of money
what will it cost us to do this or that
I'm feeling scared of having the life of my parents or my parents in law
the wife taking care of the sick husband
really having no life at all
its really depressing
I'm wondering what I have to look forward to
in my brain I understand that this is not reasonable
I have control over my life
I can choose what I want my life to be
but emotionally, I just don't see anything good ahead
I see work ahead for the next 15 years
and then nothing but work of a different kind
and boredom
and then again, what do I want?
honestly, I can't even answer that question
I'm sort of jealous of DW who has discovered her art
I don't have a clue
poor pitiful me -- what a sad sack
I should be ashamed of myself because I have so much
but I have spent so much of my life focused on work
I don't know how to figure out what's next
and next feels crappy
that's it for tonight
I hope you are having a better night
tom's wife
54...I recently turned 57 and let me tell you that in my case I feel better than in my 40s and 30s and maybe even my 20s, but it is because I discovered my food intolerances and have taken that on to improve my quality of life...having shared that I recently realized I am married to diabetes and with that I had some of the same kinds of feelings you are sharing today...so what do I do, I do what I have done since around 30...I write...I have completed 9 novels, two are in print...using my imagination is like my drug...tapping into it produces escape and a high I have never experienced with anything else.
ReplyDeleteOk...so not everyone is a novelist, or a painter, or a musician...but everyone has that something something and I believe you will discover that because you seek it.
The other thing I have discovered in my life is my love for riding my bike...I forget about it and then I get on it and ride like I did a few days ago and 18 miles later...I am rejuvenated.
So my dear new friend...you are searching and you will find...even at 54 years old...HUGS and LOVE.
Another Tom's wife...Lynn Barry. :)