At the Memorial Day Ceremony, there was a thing about how a 20-year old woman lost her husband in the Afghanistan war -- she was devastated and it felt like no one understood. After a while it seemed like people wanted her to move on -- to get on with her life -- to "get over it"
She couldn't. She loved her husband. He had died in combat and she was devastated. She missed him every single day and she simply could not "move on" like other people wanted her to do.
Long story short, she found a woman through an on-line blog who had been through the same thing 30+ years earlier, during Viet Nam. The now-50+ "widow" understood, "advised" the young widow to work through her sorrow at her own pace, that there was no right or wrong way to miss her husband. that it was ok to miss him so badly. The two women "bonded' the older woman helped the younger, understood the pain and grief, provided support and counsel. The younger woman felt validated.
Can I be that type of role model for other women? I want to....
it certainly would have helped me at that age.
I had no idea that it was ok to be angry at my husband back then
I didn't know that it was reasonable to be upset when I realized at a very young age that I would never have "normal" sex again
No one explained to me the difference between a man who has a chronic illness like diabetes and one who has an illness that is more understood and truly can be managed
There is so much I didn't understand -- about him, about his disease and about me
I was so angry -- and I wouldn't face it -- in so many ways Tom was really good for me
He is still the right person for me in so many ways -- just as he was then
But now that I am in my 50's I understand so much more
So, if I can be a help to others,
If I can provide any guidance
or support
or encouragement
or whatever
to someone younger than me
(or older than me)
someone who lives with this disease
and yet doesn't really have first-hand control
that's what I would like to do
I say this is for wives -- that's what I know
husbands -- I support you also
but men really do look at things differently
If I can support you, terrific!!
For everyone who craves a good night's sleep
I wish you peace! and rest.
Tom's Wife
btw, thanks, Lynn for joining the club
it would be terrific if we had an entire team of dw bloggers
what a world we could build!
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a Tom's wife to another Tom's wife...I hear ya about the support. When I was lower than low after my adopted daughter reunited with birth relatives and left the area, becoming distant and disconnected I was desperate one day and googled "adoption" which lead me to adoption.com and meeting a woman who I have been e-mailing for years since...saved my sanity and continues too even though I am still disconnected with my daughter for the most part...she understands...and then when I realized I have food intolerances a cyber friend suggested I blog about it so I started blogging here...I have writer friends too via websites...and the other day when my hubby was so out of sorts (after being officially diagnosed as diabetic at least 25 years ago)all of a sudden I am an aha moment and googled "wife of a diabetic" and right here at blogspot I found two wives of diabetics and felt instantly a little less overwhelmed and alone...it is only then that I realized that I have been under a tremendous amount of stress over the years because I love the man and care about him but am ultimately MARRIED to diabetes since he is afflicted with it.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU FOR BEING HERE...I feel better already. HUGS
Hello,
ReplyDeleteSo was on the internet looking at my sister's blog and thought why not search blog for people with diabetes. I expected to find ones about people blogging about their life is with diabetes but when I came across this blog I was shocked. I understand there are many people out there with diabetes but as the wife of a diabetic I felt like I was so alone, confused, lost, and so on. I am 29 and my husband is 25 and he got diagnosed at 22. We were not even married a year when he got diagnosed. It is nice to know that I am not alone. Thank you for starting this blog. nina
You and DW have been a God send in a really trying time. You showed me that I am allowed to feel how I feel. I am that young newly wed that really didn't know what it would be like to live with diabetes. You have inspired me to write my own blog about living with a compliant diabetic. It is still hard and there are still issues. If you would like to check it out it is arpadilla.wordpress.com. The only difference is my husband knows about mine and has the link. The first time he read it he cried. He gets to see both the good and the bad that I go through with him. Thank You!
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