Jules can use some support

Jules wrote this to me:

I'm so glad I found the site again. usually have to google in a moment of desperation. About a month ago my dh decided that he was done and moving out. No specific event precipitated this, just took my comment " I don't want to spend the next 20 years like this, we need counseling." to mean he should leave. After 23 years, that's all. He was on the max dosage of Byetta, metformin, etc. as a long haul truck driver he will be on disability if he has to use insulin. About a year ago he had his top teeth pulled, no denture so far. A1C is back in double digits and impotent for the last 12 months and no interest in anything. the suicide by type 2 really hit home with me, I don't understand and am angry and confused. I have managed to make the payments on my salary (just barely, he generously contributed 50% of the house payment). I think that I'm being manipulated and am angry. (putting it mildly) of course he does not want a divorce (he would have to pay for his own health insurance). I finally asked how he could just leave so easily. no answer and dead air on the phone. Thinking I better get a lawyer and get it done. He actually threw the Byetta pens out the truck window (some crap about a law suit he saw on TV). Suicide by type 2 seems like a likely result.

Anger and confusion are understandable reactions to your husband's behavior.

And there is no one solution for everyone
a person can get lots of suggestions (some stronger than others) but until I'm in your shoes, I cannot walk your path

I think that is the one thing all of us would agree on -- we each have learned to make our own decisions and take charge of our lives -- whether we wanted to or not

It is a tough learning process but it does help to share with others who have had similar experiences.

Good luck and write again

I want a Fairy Godmother!!

Whatever happened to dreams having happy endings?
Its been a miserable week and just got worse

Tom called to say his car won't start
his work is an hour away and it is horrible Friday summer rush hour

when he took the car to Jiffy Lube yesterday they couldn't open the hood
it was too damaged from the accident Tom had months ago

I don't know what is going to happen when the tow truck gets to him
but I have a feeling his car is going to be dead

we just are going to be very hard pressed to find money for a new car right now
it was bad enough when we got the car insurance price increase last month

70%!  that's what happens when a diabetic has an accident like that
and the insurance company pays another person


Where is my fairy Godmother who will say its ok and it gets better?
I don't see anything getting better!

and now on top of being worried about the car
Tom is waiting in 95 degree heat waiting for a tow truck
at the time of day when he often gets low sugar

my stress level is surely high

arghh!

I want to cry but don't have the time and who is going to dry my tears?
no hugs for me....

Welcome and How do we stay married?

I received quite a few comments in the last few days.
Welcome Donna-dj!  I'm glad your daughter found us!
We are a "fun" group!
I had forgotten about my April posting until you reminded me of it.
Our diabetic husbands (dh for short) are such a handful!
some days we love them despite it and other days we don't know how we can tolerate it for another nanosecond!!!


Suicide by Diabetes 2. I've never heard that before but it's perfect. It totally describes my husband, type 2 diabetic for 25 or 30 yrs and he could not care less......while he and his moods is truly wrecking our marriage of 46 yrs. No amt of conversation, arguing, reminders, mean anything. I have reached the point where I too just don't want to be around him. My daughter found this blog and oh my God, I REALLY need this....to touch base with other wives try to get my own head on straight. I just shake constantly when he's around. My salvation is our grandkids , a wonderful distraction. His problem is high blood sugar. Food is EVERYTHING to him. I know he's depressed, his docs have just pretty much written him up as non-compliant. Some docs have encouraged him to find other docs. They are sick of him and the docs want to help cure or control a disease.....he's just an ass. A miserable, crabby, withdrawn, nasty, old man of 69. So senseless. I'm so scared because we don't have much money, he is uninsurable, and when he dies or becomes disabled, I lose everything. Sounds selfish but I resent that he doesn't care about US.....and I've reached the point where I really don't care about him...just what his "disease" will ultimately do to me. Donna-dj 

Lilly wrote that Sandy is back but I have not been able to find her blog.  Sandy if you see this, please let me know how to find you.  I miss you!

 And a belated welcome to Boop82 -- I have seen your name before but didn't say hi -- sorry


you asked how we do this for more than 20 years.  Well if you read some of the posts -- some people don't.  Every relationship and every person is different.


In my case, I can remember the very first time that Tom had a very bad low and walked naked into my living room while my cousin was still there visiting.  My cousin is like my brother - so it could have been worse. But it took me awhile to figure out what was going on and how to appropriately respond.  Need less to say, 26 years later the issues are different and I respond differently.  But for the most part Tom is not abusive with me.  For other people, Their DH's are abusive or it simply does get impossible to live with.


also, Tom has had some serious events where he has had to face his reality and he gets "scared straight"  that works for awhile and he does better.  


It is my opinion that (a) it is not easy being married to a diabetic.  But!  (b) it is not easy being married.  someone else may have another problem -- he could be a lazy person or an alcoholic, or have another significant disease, or any number of issues that may be very difficult to live with.


maybe someone else has some better ideas. these are just mine.


good luck!

Working All Night

Tom worked almost all night last night
and paid the price this morning

he was home but on conference calls literally all night
he came to bed at 2 am but was texting for 2 more hours
got a few hours of sleep
then his alarm got him up 2 hours later

you know what I going to say right?
well he woke up with a low blood sugar
I was up because it was my normal wake-up time

but I couldn't do my normal routine
he took the bathroom
so I went downstairs, made coffee and read the paper
(no shower, no brushing the teeth)
forced him to drink juice and eat a breakfast bar before getting in the car to drive to work
he also said he had to start another conference call from his car!

he (of course) was easy going about it
but I worry
rush hour and on the phone and maybe still low blood sugar
I would not let him leave until his sugar was at least 90!!!!

he texted me when he got to work
but it wrecked the start of my day
I ended up not showering or brushing my teeth until 5 pm!!!!!!!

Yuck!!!

Tonight all is well.
Tom acts like nothing happened,
I had a stressful day - he just focused on work
what is wrong with this picture???

Tired of It

Why is it that last night he HAD to mow the lawn
it was 90 degrees outside
the grass is not growing because we are in a drought
but he HAS to mow the lawn before dinner

I am having a work crisis
working like a crazy person until 8 pm
and suddenly he walks in like a drunken crazy person

and this is my fault????
dinner was not very good (a grilled piece of meat and frozen green beans)
and after all of that
believe it or not
he refused to eat all of the green beans I served
too many carbs!!!!!!

am I married to an idiot???

I am tired of it

it is too much

Bumps in the Road

Not much to say but thought I would just give an update
everything has been going smoothly for the past week
twice Tom has had lows
I have ignored them for the most part
they have been mild and occurred during dinner time
so food was available

these are irritating
and I'm not asking about his numbers
its the same old blah
why doesn't he just take care of himself???

by the way, welcome back Sandy
we missed you
hope all is ok

Home Alone!

Finally!  All of my family is gone!
my sister, her husband and dog have gone home
they finally have power at their house"
poor them, they were out of power from Friday night until Thursday night
they lost lots of food and their house smells a bit

And yet all is well in the end
since I have had family here since Saturday, my house is a mess
but I am too tired to do anything tonight
tomorrow is cleaning day!

my family likes to cook when they are under pressure
so when my mom was here we made lemon meringue pie
(had lots of lemons!)

when my sister was here, we made a Texas chocolate something cake (don't remember the details but it sure was yummy!)

there are food bits and crumbs and dog hairs all other the place

I think I'm feeling grumpy after all of this
I know I shouldn't because after all, they couldn't be home
and I'm grateful that at least I could be home

but after all that excitement"
I am just plain tired!

I love my sister and she is lots of fun
but she takes a lot of my energy

I will be happy to go back to my regular schedule next week

 OK
I am going to relax tonight and just try to stay cool
Tom had a bunch of lows yesterday (our anniversary!)
but I can't deal with that
he listened to me and took care of himself

I am just going to be grumpy by myself
I'm entitled!

Read Updates on TX DW

An Update from TX DW is in the "Help  Support TX DW" Post
Also our friend Lynn gave us an update also

Thanks Lynn - sorry for your health problems (maybe I'll look for you on FB / glad your Tom is doing ok)

TX - I don't know how old your children are - but if they are adults, then maybe they can help you come up with ideas on how to help their dad.  maybe they are just as worried about you as your are about him. 

Could be worth a conversation??????

Wishing you better times....

Tom's Wife

Thanks for Taking Care of Me

It is very nice that he says those words,
but frankly at 4 in the morning I wish I didn't need to deal with the struggle.
Yes, I guess that's when Tom finally dealt with all of the stress of the last few days

he was arguing with the radio
turning it on and off and volumes impossible for human (and dog) ears
he was speaking in nonsense words
I got him 4 ounces of juice and promptly fell back to sleep
but also asked him to let me know before he left for work
amazingly he did -- and he even showed me the number on his monitor
I have no idea what it said because I had fallen back to sleep and had no glasses on
but just the fact that he did that was meaningful

so all seems ok this morning

my sister's family (her, husband and dog) are still staying here
but everyone is back to work today so maybe the day will feel more normal

Oh, how  interesting our lives can be.

Happy Fourth of July everyone.

Tom's WIfe

Help Support TX DW

Here is the latest from our friend TX DW...

Thanks to all....things ok...gone to other home to mow, clean, dr., grocery shop, and see old friends...upon return DH had 3 lows and bad attitude...how does he do it when I'm not here??? Not looking forward to 1 day holiday...just another day of trying to stay out of his way...it's hard to think it's not me....I swear I don't try to provoke him...seems I just do it by beng here...the "eggshell" floor is getting bigger & bigger...again thanks for being out there...I look forward to new posts..and Lily...where did you go? Sorry, read post twice ans little confused... But all the best to my iPad friends


TX, This is not your fault! you should not have to walk on eggshells!  
As Lilly would tell you, whether this is his diabetes causing it or not
your life sounds very difficult at this moment and you need help
I'm not very good at figuring out specifically what you need or how to get it
but there must be a way to have someone else help with all those chores???

you need a real break!

my family has finally left my house -- maybe you could use a vacation and come here?
(just teasing)

Write to me as often as you can and I will always post your comments...

Good luck.

Wow! What a Weekend!

As man of you know, Tom and I live in the DC area where we had a monster storm on Friday night
all of my family members houses' lost power -- we were the only ones with it
the temperatures were in the vicinity of 100 degrees with high humidity
there have been many many phone outages - both land lines and cell lines
Fortunately, my parents in their 80's didn't take too long to decide to come stay at my house
two of my sisters were in and out of my house with various family members (including a dog) over the weekend.
My refrigerators and freezers are packed with everyone's food!

Last night my parents' electricity came back on and they left around 8 pm
but one of my nieces arrived at 11 pm to sleep here

another sister and her husband may sleep here tonight if they still don't have power
and I don't know about the other one

and then Wednesday is Fourth of July
they are saying power in the area will not be restored completely before Friday!

another sister has planned a large party for Saturday!

it is just Monday morning and I'm tired

Fortunately Tom was his genial self the entire time -- although he did disappear several times
he also felt compelled to chop down a tree in a neighbor's yard.  Now I think that was fabulous of him -- very nice because the neighbor is unable to do it on his own.  However, the tree was not blocking the street, or the sidewalk, nor was it on the house.  The neighbor has a yard service which I am sure will show up this week.  The neighbor isn't that nice either -- but Tom is -- so that was interesting.

At one point, one of his diabetes machines (meter, pump - something) failed and he had to figure out what was wrong and fix it.  This of course happened in the middle of lots of people being around and trying to make dinner on Saturday night. 

but he did a good job and I was proud of him.  He handled himself and my family great.

Now another sister just called and she has her power back.  Maybe everyone will be gone by the end of the day! 

Back to normal?????

Wishing the best for everyone else in their moments of strife!

Tom's Wife