Why Diabetics Lie

Last night I asked Tom why he lies to me about his sugar
he started to deny it
but I calmly reassured him that I was not judging but curious
told him I was reading another blogger's frustration over it
and really wanted to understand why he does it
not that he can answer for anyone else -- just him

here are his reasons:
1)  he doesn't like being punished by me -- "no that's not right, I don't like it when you tell me ...."  when he goes low and I ask about it, I am going to tell him what to do (eat or drink something to fix it)  he knows I have his best interests at heart and that I am usually correct but he doesn't like it and in fact it feels like punishment even if that is not nice for me

2)  he doesn't like feeling out of control of his diabetes and feeling like he screwed up (his words)  he thinks he should always be in control so sometimes he will see that the number is low and I ask about it -- its like I caught him doing something "wrong" and he feels bad about that -- like he is supposed to always get it "right"

he acknowledges that I am very good at noticing the signs and am almost always right when I think he is low.  he also agrees that we have both worked on improving our communication so he doesn't feel so accused (and I don't overreact) when he goes low.

he doesn't really have such a problem with highs -- and he doesn't often go above 200 -- if he goes above 200 he thinks its a crisis without any help from me.

he thinks he has gotten so much better at all of this since he has his glucose monitor and in general I would agree -- but its a matter of degree and I don't think he is as good at it as he thinks he is

when I ask and he is either at a good rate or high -- he is usually pretty accurate when he tells me what his number is -- even when he tests to be sure

but when he is low or going low - he is less reliable -- again, I am not judging just observing
I understand how difficult this must be for him
I tried to explain to him that I don't think he is doing something wrong nor do I want to punish him
I just want to make sure his sugar is in the right zone -- and catch it before it goes too low
if sometimes my voice is too sharp when I ask, its because of fear not blame

the conversation ended because we got to our destination -- not because we finished
although he thought we were done

It was interesting to learn
he did admit to me that he does lie about  his sugar
that was new

just thought I would share....

Bad Xmas Travel!

Sunday travel to family for Christmas started off very badly
On interstate 95 heading south in Virginia
lots of traffic and Tom is driving in his normal aggressive manner
zipping in and out of all lanes
moves to the right and BAM!#@#
hit a car which turned over twice!!

we are ok -- our car is damaged but ok
the woman in the other car is ok -- but her car is not
and I imagine her Christmas was really a mess

I am so sorry!!
Tom is still very upset

we knew this would happen some day
he is driving better for the moment
will that last?  who knows?

the other thing that happened is also bad
our rescue dog started dragging her back legs and can't walk
this started after the accident even though it does not seem to be related
she does not exhibit pain -- you can touch her anywhere on her body and she doesn't react
we took her to an emergency vet -- worthless event  -- the vet said well it could be any of ten things and she has no idea -- ok - I didn't need to spend $300 to know I needed to take her to our vet back at home......  :(

time with family was fine -- normal -- I had more patience for my mil because really it doesn't matter
she doesn't matter -- she is just a sad, self centered person
I am worried about Tom -- he is very upset about the accident and asked me to drive most of the time

I don't like driving that much -- but guess that will be my new job....

we need to move into the city so we can take cabs???

Hope others had a better holiday

on to New Year's eve.......

Always too much!

 Once again I have random thoughts and too much on my plate
I worry about everything
even if I know that worry does no good

my dad
how to make my business work
will Tom keep his job is the government goes over the fiscal cliff
Tom's doctor wants him to get a thyroid ultrasound
she also wants a podiatrist exam because he is losing feeling in his feet


normal stuff -- money, health, family

and I know I should live in the moment
but that is difficult for me

Don't know what to say...

So much in my head -- can't think of a thing to write
Dad's illness progresses -- it's so sad
Tom is having daily evening lows again -- frustrating
I am sad (and confused) why Boop82 left -- she must have experienced something sad
I wish her strength and courage if she is going through a tough time
Diabetes Wife is trying to determine whether to get divorced
She will figure out what is best for her -- she is very smart and is good at letting things work themselves out the way they are supposed to
I tend to be too impatient -- she is a role model for me

haven't heard from others recently
I know -- its difficult to keep it up
especially this time of year
its SO BUSY!

one amusing story....
my sister called me Sunday morning
she planned dinner at my parents' house for Sunday night
but she scheduled too much in her calendar and asked if I could help
well, help turned out that I made dinner for 11 people
really, it was fine
but it was her dinner -- even though I purchased the food and prepared it!
HAH!
family
can't live with them and can't live without them.....

wishing everyone a good night

I Hate This!

What's your number?
59
what are you going to do about it?
nothing, I just ate salad
I don't think that's enough carbs
yes it is

end of discussion

he is practically comatose
Too frustrating

I can't deal with it

going upstairs

he will either take care of himself
or I will come downstairs in a couple of hours
and force him to take more sugar

I don't want to fight

what's the difference between Happy and Content?

My sister and I took a weekend trip to Gulf Shores Alabama to visit a cousin
it has been delightful
we are in a 15th floor condo overlooking the Gulf of Mexico on the beach
it is absolutely beautiful and we were lucky to get fabulous weather
its so nice to be away from the challenges of home for just a few days
I have spoken to my mom and Tom each day -- so all is right at home
Here its just so away...

We had a conversation this morning about being happy
my version:  I am content with my life:  I have moments of happiness, moments of sadness, anger, grief, etc.  but on a natural keel -- I am content -- that is my life that is what it is
I don't really know what "happiness" is on an ongoing basis.  more than moments of happiness are too much to expect .

Her version:  she wants her life to be happy with moments of pure joy, sadness, anger grief, etc.
to her - the natural keel is happiness.

Are our perspectives different?  Is it just a word or an outlook?
I'm trying to remember my last experience with pure joy -- and I'm not sure I can
are there moments of excitement?  yes, on very rare occasions
but there are also moments of extreme despair -

what is the middle?  what is the norm in my life?
I pick content -- she picks happiness
she thinks if I were to rephrase it i would be happier (there is that word again)
but I think it just sets up for more unmet expectations

so interesting to have these conversation at the beach!

Going home in a few hours....
back to normal.....

After Thanksgiving

One family holiday down, one to go
 I am always envious of people who love these holidays
it used to be fun
today, not so much
my family -- all 24 of us --were together for Thanksgiving
good news:  my dad was ok and enjoyed the evening
bad news:  it was full of stress; lots of competing control freaks;
and the worst is that the next day my dad was in severe pain
too many people around and he was not happy
why don't family members understand that sometimes they are too much?

Tom has been struggling with his sugar this past week
going very low each evening before/during dinner
Here we go again

I seem to remember someone asking me why I don't know more about his dosages
or his machine messages
his machines have been beeping and chiming a lot lately
when I ask what they mean, the answer I seem to always get is:
"my pump needs to be primed"
even though I hear different sounds
I can't get a clear answer
he wants to keep it close to himself
keeps me out

I have to accept it
I learned a long time ago that I have no control
coping is the best I can do
Letting him be in control -- that's his right

 I deal.....
one day at a time

Meanwhile... I'm falling apart

Last week, my dad asked his doctor to figure out how to let him die fast
I sat in the room while he talked about not having hope
the pain in his eyes and in my mother's eyes was awful to see

The next day they changed his medications and he is back to his usual optimistic self
certainly not healed - but no longer asking to die

I have been crying buckets at night -- and Tom has been great
But not perfect
he has been having lots of lows
I can't tell you how often -- because I am just too distraught to keep track

I have a large family and we are all trying to deal as best we can
I want to uncharacteristically pull closer
and getting rebuffed
well, not really, but when people don't do what I want them to do
I am feeling like they don't love me
I know that is ridiculous
but its part of my struggle right now
trying to find my place in a world without my dad at its center

as I write that, I realize that at 56 years old, maybe my dad shouldn't be the center of my world
but I have realized that this is how I was raised
My mom put my dad on a pedestal and all of us have honored him all of our lives
I have always felt a special relationship with him
felt like he supported me in a way no one else in the world did
Tom says he thinks that is a valid feeling
that he observed a special relationship with my dad
that we spoke about stuff he didn't discuss with anyone else
not better -- just different -- and very special to me

and even though he is still alive, he is already gone in so many ways
I recognize this may be part of the grief process -- but its miserable
and I don't like feeling as if I'm not whole
like I'm trying to get others to fill a gap that just can't be filled

sigh,
ok,
this was helpful --
tomorrow is another day
we don't know what Thanksgiving will be like
or even whose house it will be in....

we just have to let things play out.....

He wants to die!

I am unbearably sad
my dad told my mom this morning that he wants to die
he can't stand the pain anymore
This is my dad -- my best friend in the world
yeah, I know
my dad
but still

He has been sick for a long time
and yet...
I can't imagine my world without him
the end may not be today or even this weekend
(he went back into the hospital today)
but it will be soon

I will have to figure out how to deal with it
of course I will
but the pain in my heart is unbelieveable

and yes, I know others have been here
DW just lost her mom -- I'm guessing its similar

if you love someone, hug them today
you don't know what tomorrow will bring

I'm holding Tom tight tonight

Another Week.....

So, its election day
I hope everyone voted according to their beliefs


Tom won't provide me with the reports from his monitor
the ones he gave his dietician
but if I had to guess, I would say that his early evening lows are continuing

when asked if he changed his afternoon snack as she suggested
he said no -- he hasn't purchased what he needs
he wants nuts -- despite the other suggestions

I offered to get them for him
no, I'll do it myself
does this sound like a teenager?


he doesn't want dinner before 6:30 or 7
but his glucose gets below 70 by that time
its so frustrating

I do my best
but I have my work too
and since he won't let me help
I can only do what I can do......

:(

challenging life continues

Visit to Dietician

Wednesday evening we went to vote and eat dinner out
it was a very pleasant evening
over dinner, Tom mentioned "our" plans to see the dietician on Thursday
HUH???

tomorrow?  I have plans
I don't have that on my calendar
he didn't tell me

he was contrite
does he want me to join him?
hem and haw
yes he wants me to go

its early and its inconvenient
but ok
its important

the dietician is great
she knows how to communicate with Tom in a way he understands

but he is so frustrating
he shows her the reports from his monitor

(he never shows them to me!)
he says the numbers are unusual
he still shows dips in glucose during the afternoon/early evening
I say that it is not uncommon

she says that he is still not eating enough carbs
he says he eats "fruit" things
I say they are candy -- gummy's with vitamin C
he complains that he has gained 10 lbs
she and I say that's ok he looks fine and tests show he is healthy

she tells him he needs to add fat and carb to his diet

I wish someone would tell me that!!! :)

don't really know what all of this means -- just noting it all....

Storms and Voting

Hurricane Sandy came and went
we are grateful that our family barely felt the effects
yes it stormed outside
but only one house lost power -- and it wasn't my parents!!

Today - we voted early --
it was easy -- I highly recommend doing it if you can

wishing everyone else is safe and sound

MY POOR MOM!

As if she didn't have enough to deal with regarding my father's illness,
we are in the eye of the storm (pun intended)
and she hasn't lost her power yet, but its probably just a matter of time -- because her house usually loses power in storms....

now her dishwasher broke down for good
and she has a serious leak in her roof!

she is a very strong woman
and she has a difficult time accepting help
even from her family

none of us have the courage to ask about plans for thanksgiving yet
this was a year for having it at my mom's
I don't know  how she can do it
but I know she doesn't want to give it up

Sigh,
it makes me so sad.....

Random Thoughts

tonight, as we wait for the  "mega storm" on the east coast, we are "ready"
whatever that means
our house rarely loses power and has never flooded to date
we have lost trees in the past -- but don't think we have any more at risk
we lose cable/internet frequently -- but we will deal with that

Federal Government work is cancelled for tomorrow so Tom will be home
I can work from home
we shall see how it goes
since there is no "weather" yet, its difficult to figure out how the storm will impact us

my sister's 40 year high school reunion is next weekend
since I'm so close with her, I am going through this with her
and anticipating my own 40th in 2 years

 it is interesting to watch the process of re-uniting with people we knew when young
and then trying to decide if we want to be friends with them now

maybe some other people have already done this through facebook
or something else
but it caused me to do some surfing on facebook

I see some people who are "friends" today
it brings me back to the clicks of school
and feeling left out
I don't want to feel like that again
do I really want to put myself in the position of feeling outside again?

why would I do that?

Tough Week

Gosh, this is a tough fall season.
DW-TX just wrote to say that her younger brother just passed away
of course, DW has just lost her mom and her mother in law
one of my sister's friends passed away last Friday
and the father of one of my friends passed away Wednesday

My dad is not doing well
and my mom is not handling it well either (an entirely different post)

This is so difficult
my sisters and I are trying to have one of us go by our parents' house each day
but really that's only three of us -- the other two don't participate
its too difficult for them so they don't

this is grief fighting with coping fighting with anger fighting with helplessness

I'm so grateful to Tom who is doing a pretty good job with his own health
I've had to remind him a few times but he is being good about it

I will try to sleep tonight - not doing well at that lately
but will try again tonight

Powerful Words

Diabetic Wife has written some powerful words in her last post.  You should read it. 

http://wifeofadiabetic.blogspot.com/2012/10/hospice-so-wonderful.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FYNchP+%28Wife+of+a+Diabetic%29

As she writes about the loss of her mom and her mother in law, she is taking grief classes.  She also recognizes that she grieves (and has grieved in the past) the loss of her healthy husband and the marriage she once had.

Heavy stuff and something all of us wives could heed.  we spend so much time coping from one issue to the next -- and often just being grateful for the quiet times in between -- that we don't think about this.  But it s so true. 

AND what a scary thought.  especially when you are just 30 years old and married for just a year or two.  I remember what that was like.  I wasn't thinking about losing anything or getting out of anything -- I was thinking about how to fix things -- how to make things better.  what could I do to make Tom's (and my) life better.  by the time I realized that I couldn't fix things and make them all better, a lot of anger had built up inside of me.  I didn't know how to deal with that anger. 

I couldn't take it out directly on Tom!  he was sick, poor guy! 
But everyone in my life suffered because I took it out on myself
which means that I got mean -- to Tom, to my family, and to every one who came across my path
now, I work very hard to be more considerate and kind
to see behind the surface

and now I will think about the grief perspective
especially as I begin the process of grieving my dad
I know he is not gone yet
but already -- he is not the same
he is leaving me
as he must
I must honor his decisions

thanks, DW, for another perspective
I'm so glad to have you as a friend....

Dad

So my dad is in the hospital
Thursday he was in so much pain the doc sent him to the hospital
after many hours they finally got him checked in
I sat with my parents while the medical machinery wound its way through the process
I didn't get home till 10:30 pm (we started this "adventure" before noon)
LONG day

tests were ordered....

test #1 conducted on Friday - inconclusive
test #2 conducted on Saturday took over 2 hours and the process was so painful doc insisted dad spend another night in the hospital

results today - not good
many new lesions on his spine that were not there a month ago
doc prescribes radiation to "ease the pain" (not cure him)
dad asked to go home
NOPE
dad still needs too much medication - need to stay at hospital

parents heard the news and just deflated
it was as if all the air in the room just disappeared
it was silent for several minutes

My mom is comparing this to when my cousin went through the final stages of cancer
she is preparing herself for my dad to be dying
I think my dad is also and just wants it to be over

as I told the information to my sisters, they all responded differently
we will stick together
fortunately we have each other

it could be a challenging time..
who knows what will happen next....

Community

Thanks for your comments - it really helps

DW - you are in my heart every minute
Thanks, Boop82, your words really help

Ashleigh, welcome to our community
for those who haven't met you yet -- here:

Tomswife, I am so sorry to hear about all your heartaches and struggles recently. I just started reading your Blog today! I read quite a few entries and I want you to know that I am inspired and comforted by your story. Up until literally and hour ago I thought I was alone in this struggle until I "googled", "spouses with diabetes". I am 27 years old engaged (for 3 years because he won't marry me) to a 41 year old Type2 Diabetic. Along with that he has blood clots, IBS, Gout, high blood pressure... the list goes on. Your statement at the top of your Blog made me start hysterically crying. Thats exactly how I feel! I cry every day wondering what else I can do to aid in his diseases? How do I make him care more about his health? Why is he ALWAYS angry and emotional? It's so hard, and frustrating! I want you to know I am thankful for your Blog! You are helping ME! :) Keep writing and keep your head up! xx-Ashleigh

Keep reading all of the blogs in our little group
take are
and let us know how you are doing

Thanks everyone....
taking it one day at a time.....

some insecurity

I'm having a bad day
can you please indulge me?
I write this blog for two reasons
first to get stuff off my chest
but also to help others
really
I want others to benefit from the challenges I had earlier in my life
in the early years of my married life there was no one to help me
i remember being really scared
what was happening?
why?
was I a bad person because I was angry at Tom?
was I a bad person because I was scared?
Do I help you?
do I offer support?
please give me support because
in other parts of my life I'm struggling
and I want to know that here at least
I'm helping one or two people
thanks

What's that Device?

Boop82 and Sandy both write very expertly about the diabetic devices their husbands use.
I am impressed.
Tom wears a CGM (continuous glucose monitor) and a pump
I don't know what brand or what style
while I've seen the demo's and some of the menu selections
he is expert at managing his devices and doesn't want (or need) my help
when he goes low -- the devices are not helpful or needed --
I do know how to disconnect the pump if I need to
if I were to ask (or look it up) he would tell me whatever I want to know
(I don't really want to know more)

with Tom, its like 20 questions
he answers every question
but doesn't offer much information beyond the answer to the question

this is his second or third pump and maybe his second CGM
can't really remember
the technology is remarkable and keeps getting better
he is waiting for them to develop the CGM and pump combined into a single small device

 of course, it is all very expensive
we are fortunate to have great medical insurance
although the one year we had to pay a greater share was much more difficult

thanks you guys,
keep writing and informing the rest of us....

Tom's Wife

I hate the Fall

this is always a tough tie of year for me
I see it as a time of endings
Yeah, I know some people see it as beginnings
but I just see endings
end of summer
end of long days
end of green
bleah

on top of that it is really busy
people are rushing to get things done in the business world
before the holidays are here
some people are energized by it
I am drained by it

I am struggling with my work, with my mood, and with life in general
my dad is very ill and that makes me so sad...
while, physically he is still with us -- he is in so much pain, he just isn't here....
I visit him as often as I can
but I came down with the flu last weekend and had  to stay away for 10 days

my mom is being really strong (as always)
but everything is very difficult regarding them right now

I understand their desire for independence as much as possible
but my heart is breaking at the same time

I HATE the fall

end note to DW:  my heart is with you right now and is suffering with you also.  I wish you the strength to make the right decisions.  I'm certain you will figure it out -- but recognize how difficult the path may be....

just like I used to write

I hope that we (the wives of diabetics) get some rest tonight
for me -- that's a struggle  each night
I still check multiple times during the night to be sure Tom's is breathing
(he hates that!)

but I can't help it -- its who I am....

and more sadness...

the 59-year old brother of a close friend
went to sleep on Thursday night
and didn't wake up on Friday morning

the funeral was today
the family is devastated

if there are more details I don't know them
he was cremated so no autopsy

my dad is at home
getting up in the morning
taking many pain pills
hardly eating
feeling pain

my mother watches him like a hawk
and tells people he is failing
that this is the beginning of the end

he doesn't want to walk further
than between his bedroom and the family room
and my mother won't

when I spoke with her today
she looked at me with such sad eyes
I had nothing to say
nothing to offer

today
I'm incredibly sad

which topic to write about?

I was going to write about traveling with a diabetic
at least one low each day :(

but I got home from a nice vacation and learned that my dad has taken a turn for the worse
I am sad tonight

just don't have the heart to write about anything else

Frustrated with New Google Reader

Just a quick note
I don't know how to "follow" Lilly's new blog
I can't find any button to click on the new version of Google Reader

Any suggestions?

new kind of stress

thanks everyone for your words of kindness
my dad is my source of strength in this world

its  not something I can really explain
but I think that I really am similar to him in the manner you read about boys being their father's sons in sports
does that make sense?

when I talk about anything with him, he totally gets it
when I start to doubt myself, he is the one person in this world who
knows how to say the right thing that just works for me

his mom, who my mother never got along with (for good reason) loved me
she (grandma) tried to give me special treatment that my mom blocked
but grandma is my special connection to heaven
I know she watches over me and takes care of me

this is rambling -- sorry -- but my heart hurts tonight

he is going to try more chemo

more pain
but with us longer.....

he is not "my dad" when he is on chemo

 I worry that he is already leaving me
does that sound grim?

I don't know
I'm trying not to cry

but this is my reality

Tom just is strong
he dealt with his father's long illness from a distance
he doesn't get it
but tries to be supportive

........

:(

Anguish

My dad just got news that his cancer is back
He is 87 years old
I know
its expected
but it still hurts

My Sister Gets It

I have several sisters
One of them called me today
complaining about her husband

she said
"I finally think I understand what you go through,

I just got off the phone with "John" (her husband)
and he is "sick" again
I'm so tired of him coughing and keeping me up at night
all of his "intestinal" problems
his unwillingness to go to the doctor
and his total anger at anytime I want to spend a dollar




the fact that he smokes so many cigarettes.

he doesn't work (my sister is the only wage earner in the house)
he eats chocolate chip cookies and other junk food in the middle of the night
and doesn't do a bit of exercise

well, he really is sick and doesn't take care of it
then its her responsibility to "fix" it for him
or not
but then
the plans for her anniversary dinner
well, they got cancelled because he was "too sick"

hey guys, we understand this, don't we?
we have lived with this forever

she is just realizing it
but I have lived it forever

Ahh,
Life is interesting, Yes???

Thinking of Lilly

Hi Lilly
Today I was thinking of you (not sure why -- just did)
Hoping you are doing ok as you have made some big changes in your life in the last several months
You and DW got me started on this venture of blogging
and I am very grateful

you are a true role model -- if one were to read back through your old posts
one would read how much you have given (physically, emotionally, and everything else)
and then you realized that there was a limit

You tried so hard to make it work
but it takes two!

Tom and I had such a great afternoon yesterday
my situation is very different that yours
am I lucky?
am I at a different point and it will get worse later?
is it something else?

no one can tell

but this I know -- in my heart

you, Lilly, are a smart, strong, giving person
and I wish you the very best

Take good care...

Follow Boop82!

Boop82 has her own blog and we should all be following her!
she is one of us!  and I feel very bad for her!
give her support!

http://bipolarwifeofadiabetic.blogspot.com/2012/08/community.html

Tom's New Doc

First, thanks, Boop82 -- glad you are now with us
DW - have faith -- we are all thinking of you and wishing you the best
I would be that most of us are so grateful to you -- we would do anything to help -- if we could
best wishes your way....

Now to Tom
I like the new doc
but I don't like going with him and feeling like his mother
it was very uncomfortable for me
the doc was very matter of fact but very knowledgable
Here is the one bit of info that was very meaningful

I asked:  Tom has always tried very hard to keep his glucose between 100 and 120; what is the appropriate range for him?

she answered (directly to him) -- now you are 60 years old -- the issues are different --
we are more fearful of hypo's today --
less worried about the long-term impacts of prolonged highs
(Tom was shocked!)

she told him that the new range should be between 80 and 140
for him
everyone is different
but he needs to loosen his control
he needs to go to a podiatrist -- he is losing some feeling in his foot
(he didn't believe her -- thought she did the test wrong)
scheduled his next appointment for November
and wants him to see the dietician again
he printed out some reports for her and it showed one low in a week
she thought that was ok
it was not a bad low
I had not thought about it much
I guess its been ok

I did not like being there
he didn't like me being there
he should be taking care of himself
I am not his mom
but I ask important questions
this is icky

he doesn't want me to go again
I think I will go to the dietician but not the doc
since I cook dinner and do most of the grocery shopping
the dietician is important
and its not like he talks to me unless I ask a thousand questions!!!

ok I'm done tonight

thanks for "listening"
today was not comfortable
and...
tomorrow is another new day...

CRAZY BUSY!

The past week (and this week and next) are crazy busy
family wedding, business conference, and deadline next week
so I don't have much time to write

Look at responses to other posts --
DW - you are in our thoughts with your diagnosis
Lilly - thanks
Jules and Boop82 - welcome - you have lots of company and you are not crazy or selfish

If I could figure out how to make this just a conversation among us -- rather than me just writing - I would do that

Like you, I like conversation better -- even if its on line and not every day

Tom's appointment with his new doc is this coming Wednesday
it should be interesting
I'll let you know how it goes....

take care everyone

have a good week

Jules Update

Here is what Jules wrote on August 1st:

Hello, I don't do blogs too much or know very much about them, so I apologize if I don't understand the protocol. My husband has a genetic mutation that is causing all kinds of problems, but the biggest one is Diabetes. One day, I thought,"I wonder if other people feel the way I do" and there you were. It was like I wrote you post myself. My husband is 38 years old, and is falling apart at the seams. I know he has depression, has a new leg pain that won't go away, and is slowly turning into a chair bound ass. It's really very sad. Thank you for being so candid in your posts and for sharing your thoughts and feelings. 

 

And Lilly provided a response a few days later...

Jules, I am so sorry that you are going through this awful time! Maybe (like me) you can look at it as a chance to start over . . . but only you can decide what is the best decision for you. We are all just struggling to find our way. Many of us have chosen to stay, some of us have decided to leave, and some of us get left behind by the very person we have tried so hard to love. Take care of yourself, 

Here are my thoughts today (August 8th)

there is no trick to blogging - you just write.  you do great and have no need to apologize.

I am very sorry that you are dealing with so many challenges with an ill husband at such a young age

Most of us have dealt with different versions of that --and as Lilly says -- we each deal with it differently.  I hope you are reading the other links on my page.

btw, best wishes for dw who is struggling with a less-than-happy diagnosis for herself

Jules can use some support

Jules wrote this to me:

I'm so glad I found the site again. usually have to google in a moment of desperation. About a month ago my dh decided that he was done and moving out. No specific event precipitated this, just took my comment " I don't want to spend the next 20 years like this, we need counseling." to mean he should leave. After 23 years, that's all. He was on the max dosage of Byetta, metformin, etc. as a long haul truck driver he will be on disability if he has to use insulin. About a year ago he had his top teeth pulled, no denture so far. A1C is back in double digits and impotent for the last 12 months and no interest in anything. the suicide by type 2 really hit home with me, I don't understand and am angry and confused. I have managed to make the payments on my salary (just barely, he generously contributed 50% of the house payment). I think that I'm being manipulated and am angry. (putting it mildly) of course he does not want a divorce (he would have to pay for his own health insurance). I finally asked how he could just leave so easily. no answer and dead air on the phone. Thinking I better get a lawyer and get it done. He actually threw the Byetta pens out the truck window (some crap about a law suit he saw on TV). Suicide by type 2 seems like a likely result.

Anger and confusion are understandable reactions to your husband's behavior.

And there is no one solution for everyone
a person can get lots of suggestions (some stronger than others) but until I'm in your shoes, I cannot walk your path

I think that is the one thing all of us would agree on -- we each have learned to make our own decisions and take charge of our lives -- whether we wanted to or not

It is a tough learning process but it does help to share with others who have had similar experiences.

Good luck and write again

I want a Fairy Godmother!!

Whatever happened to dreams having happy endings?
Its been a miserable week and just got worse

Tom called to say his car won't start
his work is an hour away and it is horrible Friday summer rush hour

when he took the car to Jiffy Lube yesterday they couldn't open the hood
it was too damaged from the accident Tom had months ago

I don't know what is going to happen when the tow truck gets to him
but I have a feeling his car is going to be dead

we just are going to be very hard pressed to find money for a new car right now
it was bad enough when we got the car insurance price increase last month

70%!  that's what happens when a diabetic has an accident like that
and the insurance company pays another person


Where is my fairy Godmother who will say its ok and it gets better?
I don't see anything getting better!

and now on top of being worried about the car
Tom is waiting in 95 degree heat waiting for a tow truck
at the time of day when he often gets low sugar

my stress level is surely high

arghh!

I want to cry but don't have the time and who is going to dry my tears?
no hugs for me....

Welcome and How do we stay married?

I received quite a few comments in the last few days.
Welcome Donna-dj!  I'm glad your daughter found us!
We are a "fun" group!
I had forgotten about my April posting until you reminded me of it.
Our diabetic husbands (dh for short) are such a handful!
some days we love them despite it and other days we don't know how we can tolerate it for another nanosecond!!!


Suicide by Diabetes 2. I've never heard that before but it's perfect. It totally describes my husband, type 2 diabetic for 25 or 30 yrs and he could not care less......while he and his moods is truly wrecking our marriage of 46 yrs. No amt of conversation, arguing, reminders, mean anything. I have reached the point where I too just don't want to be around him. My daughter found this blog and oh my God, I REALLY need this....to touch base with other wives try to get my own head on straight. I just shake constantly when he's around. My salvation is our grandkids , a wonderful distraction. His problem is high blood sugar. Food is EVERYTHING to him. I know he's depressed, his docs have just pretty much written him up as non-compliant. Some docs have encouraged him to find other docs. They are sick of him and the docs want to help cure or control a disease.....he's just an ass. A miserable, crabby, withdrawn, nasty, old man of 69. So senseless. I'm so scared because we don't have much money, he is uninsurable, and when he dies or becomes disabled, I lose everything. Sounds selfish but I resent that he doesn't care about US.....and I've reached the point where I really don't care about him...just what his "disease" will ultimately do to me. Donna-dj 

Lilly wrote that Sandy is back but I have not been able to find her blog.  Sandy if you see this, please let me know how to find you.  I miss you!

 And a belated welcome to Boop82 -- I have seen your name before but didn't say hi -- sorry


you asked how we do this for more than 20 years.  Well if you read some of the posts -- some people don't.  Every relationship and every person is different.


In my case, I can remember the very first time that Tom had a very bad low and walked naked into my living room while my cousin was still there visiting.  My cousin is like my brother - so it could have been worse. But it took me awhile to figure out what was going on and how to appropriately respond.  Need less to say, 26 years later the issues are different and I respond differently.  But for the most part Tom is not abusive with me.  For other people, Their DH's are abusive or it simply does get impossible to live with.


also, Tom has had some serious events where he has had to face his reality and he gets "scared straight"  that works for awhile and he does better.  


It is my opinion that (a) it is not easy being married to a diabetic.  But!  (b) it is not easy being married.  someone else may have another problem -- he could be a lazy person or an alcoholic, or have another significant disease, or any number of issues that may be very difficult to live with.


maybe someone else has some better ideas. these are just mine.


good luck!

Working All Night

Tom worked almost all night last night
and paid the price this morning

he was home but on conference calls literally all night
he came to bed at 2 am but was texting for 2 more hours
got a few hours of sleep
then his alarm got him up 2 hours later

you know what I going to say right?
well he woke up with a low blood sugar
I was up because it was my normal wake-up time

but I couldn't do my normal routine
he took the bathroom
so I went downstairs, made coffee and read the paper
(no shower, no brushing the teeth)
forced him to drink juice and eat a breakfast bar before getting in the car to drive to work
he also said he had to start another conference call from his car!

he (of course) was easy going about it
but I worry
rush hour and on the phone and maybe still low blood sugar
I would not let him leave until his sugar was at least 90!!!!

he texted me when he got to work
but it wrecked the start of my day
I ended up not showering or brushing my teeth until 5 pm!!!!!!!

Yuck!!!

Tonight all is well.
Tom acts like nothing happened,
I had a stressful day - he just focused on work
what is wrong with this picture???

Tired of It

Why is it that last night he HAD to mow the lawn
it was 90 degrees outside
the grass is not growing because we are in a drought
but he HAS to mow the lawn before dinner

I am having a work crisis
working like a crazy person until 8 pm
and suddenly he walks in like a drunken crazy person

and this is my fault????
dinner was not very good (a grilled piece of meat and frozen green beans)
and after all of that
believe it or not
he refused to eat all of the green beans I served
too many carbs!!!!!!

am I married to an idiot???

I am tired of it

it is too much

Bumps in the Road

Not much to say but thought I would just give an update
everything has been going smoothly for the past week
twice Tom has had lows
I have ignored them for the most part
they have been mild and occurred during dinner time
so food was available

these are irritating
and I'm not asking about his numbers
its the same old blah
why doesn't he just take care of himself???

by the way, welcome back Sandy
we missed you
hope all is ok

Home Alone!

Finally!  All of my family is gone!
my sister, her husband and dog have gone home
they finally have power at their house"
poor them, they were out of power from Friday night until Thursday night
they lost lots of food and their house smells a bit

And yet all is well in the end
since I have had family here since Saturday, my house is a mess
but I am too tired to do anything tonight
tomorrow is cleaning day!

my family likes to cook when they are under pressure
so when my mom was here we made lemon meringue pie
(had lots of lemons!)

when my sister was here, we made a Texas chocolate something cake (don't remember the details but it sure was yummy!)

there are food bits and crumbs and dog hairs all other the place

I think I'm feeling grumpy after all of this
I know I shouldn't because after all, they couldn't be home
and I'm grateful that at least I could be home

but after all that excitement"
I am just plain tired!

I love my sister and she is lots of fun
but she takes a lot of my energy

I will be happy to go back to my regular schedule next week

 OK
I am going to relax tonight and just try to stay cool
Tom had a bunch of lows yesterday (our anniversary!)
but I can't deal with that
he listened to me and took care of himself

I am just going to be grumpy by myself
I'm entitled!

Read Updates on TX DW

An Update from TX DW is in the "Help  Support TX DW" Post
Also our friend Lynn gave us an update also

Thanks Lynn - sorry for your health problems (maybe I'll look for you on FB / glad your Tom is doing ok)

TX - I don't know how old your children are - but if they are adults, then maybe they can help you come up with ideas on how to help their dad.  maybe they are just as worried about you as your are about him. 

Could be worth a conversation??????

Wishing you better times....

Tom's Wife

Thanks for Taking Care of Me

It is very nice that he says those words,
but frankly at 4 in the morning I wish I didn't need to deal with the struggle.
Yes, I guess that's when Tom finally dealt with all of the stress of the last few days

he was arguing with the radio
turning it on and off and volumes impossible for human (and dog) ears
he was speaking in nonsense words
I got him 4 ounces of juice and promptly fell back to sleep
but also asked him to let me know before he left for work
amazingly he did -- and he even showed me the number on his monitor
I have no idea what it said because I had fallen back to sleep and had no glasses on
but just the fact that he did that was meaningful

so all seems ok this morning

my sister's family (her, husband and dog) are still staying here
but everyone is back to work today so maybe the day will feel more normal

Oh, how  interesting our lives can be.

Happy Fourth of July everyone.

Tom's WIfe

Help Support TX DW

Here is the latest from our friend TX DW...

Thanks to all....things ok...gone to other home to mow, clean, dr., grocery shop, and see old friends...upon return DH had 3 lows and bad attitude...how does he do it when I'm not here??? Not looking forward to 1 day holiday...just another day of trying to stay out of his way...it's hard to think it's not me....I swear I don't try to provoke him...seems I just do it by beng here...the "eggshell" floor is getting bigger & bigger...again thanks for being out there...I look forward to new posts..and Lily...where did you go? Sorry, read post twice ans little confused... But all the best to my iPad friends


TX, This is not your fault! you should not have to walk on eggshells!  
As Lilly would tell you, whether this is his diabetes causing it or not
your life sounds very difficult at this moment and you need help
I'm not very good at figuring out specifically what you need or how to get it
but there must be a way to have someone else help with all those chores???

you need a real break!

my family has finally left my house -- maybe you could use a vacation and come here?
(just teasing)

Write to me as often as you can and I will always post your comments...

Good luck.

Wow! What a Weekend!

As man of you know, Tom and I live in the DC area where we had a monster storm on Friday night
all of my family members houses' lost power -- we were the only ones with it
the temperatures were in the vicinity of 100 degrees with high humidity
there have been many many phone outages - both land lines and cell lines
Fortunately, my parents in their 80's didn't take too long to decide to come stay at my house
two of my sisters were in and out of my house with various family members (including a dog) over the weekend.
My refrigerators and freezers are packed with everyone's food!

Last night my parents' electricity came back on and they left around 8 pm
but one of my nieces arrived at 11 pm to sleep here

another sister and her husband may sleep here tonight if they still don't have power
and I don't know about the other one

and then Wednesday is Fourth of July
they are saying power in the area will not be restored completely before Friday!

another sister has planned a large party for Saturday!

it is just Monday morning and I'm tired

Fortunately Tom was his genial self the entire time -- although he did disappear several times
he also felt compelled to chop down a tree in a neighbor's yard.  Now I think that was fabulous of him -- very nice because the neighbor is unable to do it on his own.  However, the tree was not blocking the street, or the sidewalk, nor was it on the house.  The neighbor has a yard service which I am sure will show up this week.  The neighbor isn't that nice either -- but Tom is -- so that was interesting.

At one point, one of his diabetes machines (meter, pump - something) failed and he had to figure out what was wrong and fix it.  This of course happened in the middle of lots of people being around and trying to make dinner on Saturday night. 

but he did a good job and I was proud of him.  He handled himself and my family great.

Now another sister just called and she has her power back.  Maybe everyone will be gone by the end of the day! 

Back to normal?????

Wishing the best for everyone else in their moments of strife!

Tom's Wife

For TXDW

I am copying responses here in addition to posting them in the comments
I always worry that people miss them when they are buried in the posting section

you really are not alone!
read on:

To TX DW: My heart goes out to you! 41 years is a long time. I have been gone from my husband for 2 months now, and yes, I was little more than the maid, cook, and verbal punching bag. Now that I am gone, he is paying someone else to do most of what I did. Hopefully he is not yelling at her when she comes to clean! I don't know what "normal" is anymore either. I was speaking to a friend of mine the other day about our separation. She said she understood, as she has never (?!) been happy in her marriage. I always thought they had a great marriage, and her hubby is not diabetic. Maybe we all have our own story to tell? Take care, and take the time to be good to yourself . . . Hugs, Lilly on Don't Lose Faith

And another one:

Definitely not alone. I've only been married and dealing with some of the scarier sides of diabetes for only 3 months. I wonder what it will be like in 40 years. My husband is actually pretty compliant, but it is exhausting playing nurse, housekeeper motivator, dietitian, mathematician... I can't comprehend what it will be like aa time and stubborness goes by

So, do what you need to do to take care of yourself!
we are here to offer support

Fake Out

Lilly
not to worry
I made a big mistake on the change of name with the Tom's Wife post
everything seems to be ok and I'm still here

I was trying to "clean up" my blog and thought I deleted stuff
to say I am not so good at the blog stuff is an understatement

all is good

thanks for asking!

Don't Lose Faith!

I am so sad that I received the following post from TX DW:

Bad day...bad weekend...Spent weekend with old friends...,high school and before friends...40th anniversary party...anyway I see other couples and I want a normal marriage...a semi- loving one...a better one...I just don't want this disease anymore....I am truly miserable and I see no way out....please help me. Am I t only one who hates so much...I just want something better in the last years....think I'm up truly having a pity party...Can I truly depend on friends for the things I need...things you want from your husband of 41 years to provide...where do I go....way can do?...I truly feel I am here to SERVE him...desmestically...cook, clean wash, iron, pay bills...,things yep that can be hired out...not a partnership much less a marriage...I am truly failing at this.

Please hang in there for the moment!
I can understand your despair but am not sure how to help
first, you are not the only one --  there are many of us!
I'm not even sure what a normal marriage is anymore
At this moment in time, I am not hating, but I am pitying him
he would dislike that of course
the dietician told him he is killing himself
and he refuses to eat better
he eats too little (not too much like other dh's)
but killing himself anyway

I too am tired of the drama
tired of not getting taken care of

I find that I cannot depend on friends too much
they are helpless and have their own problems
believe it or not their marriages are probably not "normal" either
no matter what they tell you

can you take a break at all?
my heart is breaking for you
write to me again
I'll bet others will respond also

Dont Trust the Monitor?

Thanks for the comments on my last post
It seems that some people just want to over-control
and Tom is one of those people

Doesn't matter what type of diabetic a person is - if they are not eating a balanced diet,
its not healthy
change that!  if anyone is not eating a balanced diet, its not healthy

I certainly don't always eat balanced - so I am not a great role model
but Tom goes to the other extreme

He reports to me that he is doing better
but last night was crazy with the monitor beeping non-stop for two hours
reporting 56 one minute and then 250 ten minutes later

despite my repeated requests, it took awhile for him to actually test his blood
he was low - but not 56

it was frustrating

but mostly we have had a better week since the meeting with the dietician

Add Food! What a Shock!

The appointment with the dietician was great.
Bottom line, she told Tom that he needed to add almost 100 mg(?) of carbs a day!!!!!

she gave him scientific sounding reasons
he had gone so long on a low-carb diet that his system was completely depleted
his kidneys were trying to process protein into carbs after exercise because there was no sugar to process

she convinced him that he was causing more damage than good!

he still said he didn't like being there
he didn't want to go again
-- he actually told her that!

but she was terrific!
she never told him what to do!
she just said
"how about this"
and
"what do you think about that"
she had the best disposition

He agreed that he would add the extra carbs to his daily menu
its been two days and he told me that he did "ok" not great
I told him I was proud of him for trying

 we will see how the weekend goes....

Big Day Tomorrow

Tom and I go to his new dietician tomorrow
we have been sometimes keeping a food diary for the last two weeks
it is not very detailed - but at least its a start
its enough for me to know he does not get enough to eat in a day
its enough for me to understand why he goes so low so often
and yes it happens many times a week -- even  twice a day

should be interesting.......

Steady as she goes...

TX DW wrote..

Oh my gosh...I have been there more times than I want to remember...but you seem a little calmer than I usually am...however...you want to know how this slips into everyday life...how low is too low...how can you not feel something...



Yes, well "calm" is somewhat of an illusion.  Am I calm or am I just waiting for the next time? 
she also wrote...

We just wait and get the juice...after the episode the DH has no idea what the heck you ar talking about...they look at you like you are crazy...sometimes it just makes it all too much...I feel somewhat better to know someone out there understands as some family members seem to think that I may embellish. And when can a true discussion begin regarding the mental impact of this horrible disease. 

My family is a mixture of reactions.  Some want to help fix the problem.  -- well you and I know that there is only one person who can do that - Tom.  Until he is ready to really figure it out then no one else can do it.  I am hoping that the meeting with the dietician will help.  I also told him about some of the things I have read on the american diabetes association website recently.  He said he would look at it.  (not sure I believe that -- but we will see)  The dietician is next week.


surprisingly, my mom has been most supportive == rather than try to fix things she has become a good listener and sympathizer.  Traditionally this has not been her role in life -- so you never know.

Then again, it took me years before I even told anyone about Tom's challenges with the disease.  so some of this is still relatively new to them.  I've been dealing with it for over 25 years (he of course has had it for more than 40). 

But life goes on (we hope) and take it one day at a time -- its all we have.

Good luck to everyone else --  Hopefully this was a good Memorial Day weekend for you....

Back to Normal - Is that Good?

So life has resumed to normal....
Tom kept me posted about his whereabouts for all of three days
on the other hand, we (he) have kept up keeping his food journal
its not very detailed -- but at least its a start

and, I think he averages at least three glucose readings below 50 per week
yesterday morning was another "crisis level" event
I woke up and "knew"
I ignored it for a few minutes -- just didn't want to deal
but it was 8 am so I turned over and looked at him
the sheets were soaking wet
and he was thrashing around - fighting his demons
so - calmly now - I got some glucose into him
waited 15 minutes and tested his sugar
40 --
6 oz of cranberry juice then another 15 minutes
another glucose test - another 45 reading
another 6 oz of cranberry juice and another 15 minute wait
The entire time he is talking crazy and flailing around
but he no longer hits out at me

So -- long story short -- our day was delayed by an hour
and his body took another hit (my opinion)
I wonder if its sort of like a punch to the organs
and my heart/nerves took one too

but today is "normal" again

this is our life...

Food Log

so here is what we are doing now...
we downloaded an app to his phone so he could log his food each day
not going to work -- he thinks its too much work
so each night I ask him what he eats and he tells me and I write it down on a pad
I am amazed at how little and how infrequently he eats
he gets up and drives to work at 5:30 am
when he gets to work he eats a breakfast bar
at 11:30 he eats a salad with balsamic dressing
when he gets home he has dinner -- that could be anywhere between 6:30 and 8 pm
he leaves work around 5 pm and IF
he recognizes that he is low on the drive home he will eat -- get this!
chocolate candy

I didn't know any of this until Monday when I started writing this down
I try to make good dinners
protein and veggies -- since he pretty much refuses to each carbs (no potatoes, no rice, etc)
and even with veggies he is fairly picky)
and then he drinks what he calls one glass of wine but is really 8 ounces
at around 10 pm

I just don't think this is a good diet for a diabetic
but when I asked him -- he strongly believes in it

we will leave this up the dietician in June
in the meantime we shall see what happens
and life goes on....

Calming Down

Thanks everyone for your nice comments
it has been such a difficult couple of weeks

and yet it was a great life lesson
Clearly, my life without Tom is just not worth considering
but also I have to figure out a way to wait longer before panicking
he needs to live his life without reporting in to me every five minutes
and I can't spend my time worrying (panicking)

but Tom is going out of his way to keep me informed of his whereabouts right now
that is really nice
but it won't last forever

we shall see what comes next

The Day After

Last night, I truly thought Tom was gone
that I would never see him again
I went nuts
in a total panic
really faced the tragedy of his death
I couldn't deal with it!

I totally fell apart

today, I still feel awful - but better that Tom is ok
but I'm also thinking better

our conversations about how to help him have always focused on insulin
rather than food

I think he needs to keep a food diary so we can have a better understanding
of exactly what he is (or is not) eating each day

when we meet with the dietician in June she can evaluate how well he is doing

i read today that a man should eat between 50 and 60 grams of carbs in a meal
Tom thinks that is way too high

I made a very healthy dinner of shrimp, veggies and rice
he pushed the rice aside and wouldn't eat it
I am no position to argue with him
he is in great health (for a non-diabetic)
his weight is good, his heart, blood pressure, etc are all good
at least according to the doctor's tests
but you and I know ...
well, enough of that..

we are going to try to put an app on his phone
but he is un-enthusiastic
thinks it is too much work
I will have to try to help
wish me luck

3 hours of panic later

Once I figured out that he had to be dead
since there is no way he would just not be home by 9 pm
that is just not Tom

I called my sister in a panic
and she came over to be with me
just when she was arriving
he showed up
!!!
he had one to one of those networking dinners!
he thought he told me
I have absolutely no memory of it at all
and still why did he not answer his cell phone all night?

I was totally convinced that I was never going to see him again!
That was a devastating thought!
what would I do without him?

its very sobering!

for all my whining over the years
life without him is simply not worth contemplating

now he is home and I am trying to calm down
I don't know how long before I'll be able to sleep

sigh -- I didn't need this right now..

who said life would be easy?

Pins and Needles

Its happening again
He is not home and I don't know where he is
he is not answering his cell phone
it is certainly possible that everything is fine and he just can't hear his phone
but with everything that has happened lately
I am so scared

so here I sit in fear
what will tonight bring?

There is more...

I think I posted a few months ago that Tom had a car accident...
It seemed at the time that we made it through without too much damage
well, he just took his car in for an air conditioning fluid refill and
they found more damage
something iis leaking and he needs a new car
I don't know where the money will come from
I'm right at the point of trying to launch my new business
and all of our "savings" have been promised to developers and sw licenses and lawyers

when I try to talk to him about going low so often (it happened again the last two nights)
he said "you should have just let me die" -- he is not being mean - just sad

and, he did get a suggested change in his insulin from his "old" doctor just last week
he didn't stop seeing her since it takes so long to see the new doc

I don't know how to advise him, when I suggest he call the old doctor, he shrugs and says what can she do?  Well, how do I know? 

I'm starting to cry more and feel so much pressure....
Its hard to concentrate on my work -- and that's what I really need to do

Congratulations to Mike

Mike, Best Wishes to you on your next venture
You are a great writer and a compassionate voice in this crazy "D-world"
hopefully you will continue to check in on my world from time to time and offer some of your sage advice
I will start to look at Diabetes Mine (if I can fine it)
best....

Trying to Write...

I have tried to write several times - but deleted what I wrote

feeling like it didn't express what I was feeling adequately
feeling -- troubled

Challenging but so different than others
I have to work hard to not judge myself
it seems like I have it better
so I shouldn't complaint
but honestly, I have been struggling a lot
with my own depression
which is a serious illness
I have been in trouble with it before

anyway, that is not what this is about..

I am challenged by Tom's problems

He is having serious lows multiple times per week
I would appreciate advice on this if anyone has some

his new meter is giving us reports now -- if I ask to see it
the last report showed that he fell below 39 4 times in a week between 5:30 and 7 pm
just like I thought -- but he wasn't sure -  and he still doesn't seem to be as worried as I do about it
he continues to feel more concerned about going up to 250 the same number of times in the same week

when I argue that he isn't going to die at 250 he says that he'll go blind or lose his kidneys and that's just as bad

I came home Saturday night from a family thing and he was so low I thought he was dead already
he was so close!  I needed to get a nurse-neighbor to help me bring him back around.  Very scary! 

He has agreed to go to a new doctor and I am permitted to go to this doctor with him.
this new doctor is at one of the best institutions in the country and one of the best docs in the country (at least according to her press)  but we can't get in for 3 months -- so we shall see,,,

in the meantime, we go along day by day
and I worry about my friends on this blog and hope that you are getting along ok
Lilly, there are certainly benefits to your camper -- but its not nice getting "kicked" out of your home
DW, I am glad that you are getting some peace in your life -- stay true to yourself, you will be ok

We haven't heard from some of the others lately, but I pray that they are doing better also.

I am not re-reading this,,, I am just sending it
hope it is ok...

Help for Others

I haven't been posting much because life gets SO BUSY!
a few weeks ago, my 104-year old grandmother died
she lived a fabulous live and my huge  family celebrated her life together
but it was a week of cooking and driving to the airport and FAMILY!!!

then I went to Vegas for a week of a major business conference
again, sounds fun but it was WORK
and long

then I got home and slept for four days straight!
my body was telling me that it was too much!
I just couldn't get out of bed
so I slept
must have needed it!

Now I'm finally doing well
and trying to catch up with everything
reading my d-friends' blogs, I am sad

Diabetes Wife -- I am glad that you are finally getting the house of your dreams near your mom and sister, but sad that it had to come at the distress of your husband.  Yes, he needed the wake-up call. but its so sad that he is so very depressed. 

Actually, when I saw my own psych doc last week, we spoke about the lack of care for the psychology of the diabetic.  He admitted that he didn't know much about it and was going to research it before my next visit.

and yet, we had an interesting family conversation recently.  Two family members are in the medical profession -- a dentist and a gastroenterologist.    Tom wasn't there but we talked about taking care of the diabetic -- beyond just the literal medical issues such as A1C and glucose numbers.  The dentist has been doing a lot of research regarding diabetes lately -- it seems that dentists are starting to pay attention to diabetes and what they see in the mouth even before docs see stuff in other parts of the body.  The gastro was saying that medicine today is so difficult that its harder for docs to look at the "whole" body and the whole family.  he agrees that its a problem and its a major reason that he is getting ready to retire next year!

it was an interesting conversation and actually somewhat encouraging to me.

Michael -- I'm sorry that you are sad - or depressed -- or encouraged.  Your blog refers to all three.  You are doing great and there is no value in feeling sorry for whatever happened in the past.  Its past.  you can't change it.  all you can do is move forward. Clearly you are doing everything you can do to improve things today -- that's the best anyone can do in their life -- whether they have diabetes or any other issue in their life.

Lilly, and the other bloggers, I encourage you with whatever strength I can share.  Some days I don't have a bit -- other days I seem to have lots to give.  I believe in each of you.  All each of us can do is put one foot in front of the other and attempt to do our best.

Do your best not to be victimized -- by the person or by the disease.  Help him and help yourself.

I also encourage you (as always) to get as much sleep as possible.  it really helps deal with all the other stuff!

Good luck.

Tom's Wife

More Lows

DW is tired of dealing with all of "it" and so am I
but she deals with the highs and the depression
and I deal with the lows and the continual denial

I know I should do a better job of documenting things
but that is just not me
it feels to me like its a daily thing lately

low in the evening
after I get some sugar into him, we look at the monitor
and it registers at 55 and going lower

he sees that as a good thing
I see it as a problem

its not that I'm a glass half empty sort of person
but that he just refuses to accept the fact that he goes so low so often

I have asked for a print out of the last 30 days
he agrees but hasn't done it

the lows are awful
I am not letting him drive in the evenings (to the best of my ability)
but this just can't be good for him

he is just so stubborn
we have been up in the middle of the night several times lately also
TIRED!

it just is so exhausting!

Suicide by Diabetes

Why does it have to be so difficult?

Don't we all say the same thing?
My heart breaks when I read the other blogs about the husbands who have such high counts on all the benchmarks -- these men are surely killing themselves by letting the disease just overtake their bodies

on the other hand, my Tom is just as surely killing himself the other way
almost every evening between 5:30 and 7:00 pm
his glucose reading drops very low
usually to around 55?
in general I have learned not to let him leave the house and get in the car
(unless he proves that he has enough sugar in him)
but this just cannot be good for him
every single day, he is out of it and crazy
I no longer insist on pushing the juice
I just rush dinner and let his sugar increase more slowly

I know that's what he prefers
but truthfully its hell on me
and I am not convinced that its so good for him
but what can I do?

this now takes up my entire evenings
by the time we get through this process
I'm done
I'm exhausted
and don't want to be in the same room with him

I have asked that he discuss it with his doctor
and, nothing
please
this is not right

if he is so scared of being like your husbands, why isn't he more scare of being like this
I recently bought a video camera
I should film him
if I could just remember and not focus on helping him
just film him in his stupid state!

sigh

some day.....